Terribly Fixated on You

Have you ever looked around you and suddenly the sun seems brighter and the little kids running around seem less annoying than usual? If that has ever happened to you then you know what I'm talking about. I couldn't tell you why my mood had suddenly gone from downright bitchy to a little more joyful but I think it was a step up from my normally cynical self.

Tyler went out or something I guess, so I didn't get a chance to see him. It didn't really matter if I had though because he was bound to be completely different. Sure I was a little bit more happy and my walk seemed a little bit lighter but there was no way that he was going to be the same boy that had moved away from here when he was nine years old. Although, I guess that would be a good thing. Tyler was known for loud obnoxious farting and terrifyingly loud burps.

I had been walking around outside for about an hour now and all I could think about was how much it smelt like spring. Of course spring was almost coming to an end but I usually used to smell that lovely spring smell a lot earlier in the season. I couldn't describe it to you even if my life depended on it, but anyone who is in contact with their nature senses knows what I mean when I say it smells like spring.

Besides the lovely smell of the spring season, I had been thinking a lot about college. There was maybe two months left of school, give or take a little, and college isn't so far away from me anymore. I admit; the thought of going away to a big scary building with thousands of people I don't know did scare me, but it's not like I was going to skip out on the college experience.

I've sent out applications to a bunch of different colleges and so far I've gotten an acceptance letter from two of the schools. I was thinking that I would try and choose a school that is close to home but not too close that my mom would insist on me living at home. My mom and Greg definitely don't need me living there for another year and ever since my grandparents have been coming over, I haven't wanted to be around much.

Don't get me wrong; I love my grandparents to death. It's just that, they're my dad's parents and they bring back so many memories that are just too painful to bare. I usually sit around and have a conversation with them for a little while but then it reaches a point where I just can't take it anymore and I make up an excuse to go out.

I always wonder about how my grandparents had taken it when my dad first died. What would it be like going home one night only to find out that your only son was murdered. That somebody had shot him and taken his life for no other reason than to have somebody to kill. I was younger then and I was never allowed to know who the guy was, but I always tried to figure it out. I used to sit there in my room with my head in my hands rocking back and forth screaming at the top of my lungs how much the damn guy would suffer if I ever found out who he was. I used to sit there all night with Tyler beside me and my poor mother in bed too scared to come out and approach me. Those were probably the worst nights of my life.

Maybe I was just weak or maybe I was just way too strong for my age, but I dealt with my anger and my bitterness. I didn't make the feelings go away, but I did lower them. I've become the bitter bitch I am today. My guard will always be up, especially around my family. It's hard to sit around and think about all of the things you could have done to protect your dad and to possibly save him. I could have called him and forced him to come home instead of telling him that it was okay to miss out on our scrabble night. Maybe I couldn't have done anything, but still I always wondered about the different ways I might have been able to.

I started walking back towards my house in an effort to make it home for dinner. It couldn't have been too late out, possibly six o'clock. I took my time and counted my steps out of boredom. I had gotten to 78 steps before somebody came and knocked me over. I found myself on the ground looking up at, well nothing. The guy had just continued running like nothing had happened at all. I hated it when people were like that. What gave him the right to just run by and knock me to the ground and not even apologize for it? Just because he seemed to have a pretty decent body in that jogging suit gave him no right to do something like that.

I just looked at him in disbelief as I got myself up and continued walking towards my house. If I could, I would go catch up to that guy and whack him in the head with a stop sign. There's nothing better than hitting somebody with a stop sign to teach them a lesson on when to stop running and make sure you don't hit somebody. Too bad he was too far away now for me to ever catch up to him and it would take a while before I would find a stop sign anywhere.

I reached my house in a little less than 20 minutes and walked straight into the kitchen as soon as I stepped inside. I could smell spaghetti and silently thanked my mom for making me something I actually liked tonight. She had been going out to the grocery store buying all of the healthiest, most disgusting foods she could find and feeding it all to Greg and I.

"Well you look like you're in the best of moods," Greg said sarcastically when he walked into the kitchen. I sighed and shook my head thinking about the guy who knocked me over. People can be so irritating these days.

"Don't get me started," I said, walking over to the spaghetti sauce on the stove and stirring it. It was just like my mom to leave the kitchen with food still cooking and then to forget about it. I watched as the sauce bubbled a little bit and then stopped stirring. I walked away from the stove and hopped up on one of the kitchen counters.

"Well at least we got lucky with food tonight," He said laughing. I laughed with him. Greg and I could sit around for hours discussing my mom's cooking and all of the food she bought. I don't even think my mom likes the food she makes. I think she just wants to be able to tell people that she eats super healthy. Well mom, you can eat healthy and still have food that tastes good.

"Do you think there's enough spaghetti for two more people?" My mom said entering the kitchen. "Hillary and Tyler are going to join us for dinner." I looked over at the pot of sauce and then at the pot filled with noodles and knew right away that there was more than enough for two extra people.

"There's enough." I said hopping down from the counter. "What about Brad?" Brad was Tyler's dad; Mr. McGregory. He was someone that I also loved having around. He could lighten up any situation and he never failed at making you laugh. He was the kind of person that everybody liked to have around.

"He just left for a business meeting. Just make sure you set the table while I try and clean up a bit, okay?" She didn't give me time to answer her before leaving the kitchen. I looked at Greg who just shrugged before grabbing some plates and placing them on the table. I knew that my mother was way too into cleaning now to even remember about the spaghetti so I took over for her and made sure that it was perfect. I don't know about anybody else, but I am really looking forward to dinner.