Second Chances, Bad Habits

Everything seemed so far away. Even with my eyes closed I could feel the bright light blaring through my eyelids. I was surrounded by voices, with a off-rhythm beating in the background. I could feel myself slowly coming back, but everything was so muddled. I couldn’t figure out where I was, or why I was here and not on the stage. That’s when it all came flooding back, making my eyes shoot open, as I began hyperventilating.

“Deli, baby, calm down you’re fine, breathe……baby look at me..” Ash was trying to gain my focus, putting his hands on either side of my face and forcing me to look at him. His eyes were bright red and puffy, I couldn’t click in my mind why he would have been crying, it wasn’t like I was dying…..right?

“Breathe…” Ash said demonstrating what he wanted me to do. I felt myself slowly begin to calm down as I breathed in and out slowly.

“What happened?” I croaked out, tears brimming to my eyes when I felt something very wrong was coming. Ash’s eyes flickered between me, and the doctor, who I hadn’t noticed come in, behind him.

“Babe, you fell off of the stage, do you remember?” Ash’s face grew more and more concerned. It was then that I realised that no-one else was in here with us. Where was our bands and Max? Why weren’t they here too?

“Where is everyone?” I asked, frowning in concentration, trying to think of why they couldn’t be here, when I really needed them. As much as I loved Ash, he was useless at making me calm down, Max was who I wanted right now. A pang of guilt washed over me just for thinking that thought.

“Deli, do you remember?” Ash probed again, clearly getting frustrated with me.

“I fell, and then I saw you, and that’s it.” He bit his bottom lip, as his eyes became shiny and wet.

“Ash?” Worry making my voice waver.

“Deli, you……the fall……the baby’s gone.” He finally managed to get out. I felt numb, the words sinking in.

“No….noo……NOOOOOO! NOOO!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, pulling away from him, tears pouring down my face. I probably looked hysterical, but I didn’t care, my babies were gone, they didn’t even get the chance to be born. I didn’t get to know what they were, they didn’t even have names. This can’t be happening, not to me, not now, what have I ever done to deserve losing my children. No, this can’t be right, they must have it wrong, it must be another girl who they’ve got mixed up with me.

Ash tried grabbing my arms to pull me into him, but I just screamed and cried even louder. Pretty soon, everyone was flooding into the room, Max and Aiden instantly tried to help Ash calm me down, but it wasn’t working. It even got to the point Andy and Mason tried to help restrain and calm me. I just thrashed against their grips, screaming ‘NO’ over and over again. Sobs and shrieks running through the room.

“Move aside, we’re going to have to sedate, she’s going into cardiac arrest.” A voice to my side said. Not a soon had those words been spoken, had Ash been ripped out of his place, and was replaced by a doctor, who was furiously trying to inject something into my IV.

Within in seconds, I’d stopped crying and screaming, my body going limp as a weird kind of sleep over took my body. The only thing going through my mind, was why me? Why my babies? What did I do wrong?