Second Chances, Bad Habits

To be honest I don’t exactly know what went down in Max’s room this afternoon but I intend to find out about it. After waking up to find that Deli was also up I put on my Mr. Angry eyes and mentally prepared myself to speak.

“Delilah, we need to talk.” I watched Deli visibly swallow. It’s not often that I call her by Delilah, so she must know she’s in deep shit right now.

“Y-yes?” she tucked her hair behind her ear and didn’t meet my eyes.

“You and I. Talk now. Andy please go.” glancing at Andy he jumped out of bed and was to the door by the time I looked away.

“Bye Deli, Bye Ash.” Andy slipped out of the room, I waited until I heard the door close before speaking again.

“Deli why did you do that this afternoon?” kneeling down in front of her I looked her in the eye.

“I-I needed it.”

I sighed. How does she not comprehend that she doesn’t need drugs to get a high. So many other things can create that feeling of bliss, for example the thought that she still has one child that has survived after taking such a nasty fall could do it.

“No you didn’t Deli. Do you know how scared I was when I couldn’t find you?” Do you understand?” Deli shied away from my words.

“Yes, I-I’m sorry Ash I won’t do it again.” I think she knows that she has done wrong and that I was scared because she isn’t really fighting back.

“You already promised me you wouldn’t do it again? Do you remember that?”

“I mean I know about the drugs, the alcohol, and all the other shit you use to do.” playing with the ends of her shirt she didn’t meet my stare.

“I’m sorry.” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“No, Deli, don’t be sorry. As long as you don’t do it anymore then I’m fine, I just want you to keep it in your past.”

“I stopped when we moved here, so it’s all in my past. We moved here so I could have a blank slate, a new start.”

She said she was going to keep it all in her past and look where we are now. This time I don’t think I’m going to let her off as easily as I did before.

“I-I know Ashley I’m sorry.”

“Deli, I want you to listen to me. Do you understand?” she nodded not saying a word.

“Deli do you love Oscar?” her eyes watered, she knows where I’m going with this.

“Yes.” whispering she lowered her head to hide the tears.

“Do you love me and Oscar?”

“Of course.”

“Do you know what the shit you were doing today could do to Oscar?” shaking her head no she took a deep breath.

“Deli, if you take drugs you risk hurting him. Babies die in the womb because the dugs get in your blood system and he gets it from you.” I’m pretty proud that I remember all of that from high school health class.

“I-I-”

“I know you’re sorry. But you need to think before you act. I understand that you needed to feel that high but Baby there are other ways to get that feeling.”

Not saying a word she simply nodded again. Getting up from my spot on the floor I sighed and pulled her into my arms. Hiding my face in her hair I took a deep breath. I wish she could understand how scared she made me when we couldn’t find her, I thought I was going to have a panic attack.

“Deli, look at me.” doing as I said she batted her big green eyes at me.

“Y-yes?” her breathing was still unsteady from her tears.

“I love you. So much. Please baby don’t ever do that do me again.” mouthing that she wouldn’t she hid herself in my chest and finished crying. Running my fingers through her hair I continued to kiss her hair and tell her I love her. I think to get her to never use drugs again will require tough love…. That’s going to be a hard one for me.