Second Chances, Bad Habits

I’d woke up pretty early, but I hadn’t said much. I’d jumped in the shower, and got ready for the day, too terrified for what Ash was going to do when he woke up. Yeah, sure I was friends with Andy now, but I hadn’t had a chance to speak to Ash yet.

After sitting on the end of the bed staring at the TV screen with Andy, who was also dressed, for about half an hour, Ash finally woke up. The first thing he did was looked extremely pissed, I heard Andy gulp a little from the bed next to me. I’d only seen that face twice before, and neither time was it directed to me. Now that it was, I was scared shitless.

“Delilah, we need to talk.” Ash said sternly. The fact that he’d used my full name only added to my fear, making me swallow hard, trying to prevent the squeak of fear coming out.

“Y-yes?” Trying by best to avoid his gaze, I pulled my hair behind my ear, and stared at the floor, hoping that this wouldn’t last long, and that Andy wouldn’t leave.

“You and I. Talk now. Andy please go.” There goes my protection, I felt dizzy from the anxiety that was building up inside of me. Andy looked scared as he jumped to the door, not exactly the most encouraging thing.

“Bye Deli, Bye Ash.” Andy slipped out of the room hurriedly, leaving me alone with a very pissed off Ash.

“Deli why did you do that this afternoon?” kneeling down in front of me, he looked me in the eye. At least he said Deli this time and not Delilah.

“I-I needed it.” I’m not sure he’d understand what I meant, but I’d needed the high, and I’d become so desperate for it, that I’d done something I’d promised Ash, I would never do again. Something I’d promised my brother I’d never do again. If he finds out, he’ll be worse than Ash is right now.

Ash sighed, showing that he didn’t understand why I’d needed the high. He probably thought I should I have done something else. I felt like saying that it was usually him that stopped me needing the drugs, but I couldn’t have him last night. Stupid Andy.

“No you didn’t Deli. Do you know how scared I was when I couldn’t find you? Do you understand?” Ash spoke, the emotion in his voice felt like a slap to the face. I’d genuinely scared him by running off to Max.

“Yes, I-I’m sorry Ash I won’t do it again.” I already regretted the lines before this chat with Ash, but right now I was more afraid of pissing Ash off anymore.

“You already promised me you wouldn’t do it again? Do you remember that?” His words made me think of the conversation that we’d had a while ago.

“I mean I know about the drugs, the alcohol, and all the other shit you use to do.” playing with the ends of her shirt she didn’t meet my stare.

“I’m sorry.” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“No, Deli, don’t be sorry. As long as you don’t do it anymore then I’m fine, I just want you to keep it in your past.”

“I stopped when we moved here, so it’s all in my past. We moved here so I could have a blank slate, a new start.”

I felt tears rising in my eyes, I’d hurt him so badly, when I promised I wouldn’t. All because I was too fucking selfish and greedy. I felt like such a spoilt child, who didn’t care for anyone else. The only thing is, I do care for Ash. I love him.

“I-I know Ashley I’m sorry.”

“Deli, I want you to listen to me. Do you understand?” I nodded not saying a word, he seemed more calm, but my thoughts were make me more upset.

“Deli do you love Oscar?” My eyes watered, he’s going to guilt trip me, but he doesn’t need to. I’m already doing it to myself. The two most beautiful people in my life, and I’d almost lost them.

“Yes.” Whispering, I looked back at the floor. Ash always had a way of being able to tell what I was thinking, and right now I didn’t want him to see.

“Do you love me and Oscar?” With all my heart.

“Of course.”

“Do you know what the shit you were doing today could do to Oscar?” Shaking my head no I took a deep breath. I remembered vaguely something about drugs and pregnancy from school, but I’d never been one for listening, I was high for most of it.

“Deli, if you take drugs you risk hurting him. Babies die in the womb because the drugs get in your blood system and he gets it from you.” His voice was urgent, he wanted me to understand how close I’m come to losing our second child. Fresh tears started to rise as I thought of my first baby being gone.

“I-I-”

“I know you’re sorry. But you need to think before you act. I understand that you needed to feel that high but Baby there are other ways to get that feeling.” Yes, I know, you’re the one I use for my high. Nothing else has ever worked. But I couldn’t get the words out. Not yet anyways.

Not saying a word I simply nodded again. Getting up from his spot on the floor Ash sighed and pulled me into his arms. Hiding his face in my hair he took a deep breath. I felt a wave of relief at the lecture being over, but I stilled felt like crying.

“Deli, look at me.”

“Y-yes?” My breathing was still unsteady, from the tears still waiting to pour out.

“I love you. So much. Please baby don’t ever do that do me again.”

“I won’t, promise.” I said, but ended up only mouthing it, my voice had gone from all the tears, which were coming now, whether I wanted them to or not. So I hid in Ash’s chest and let it all out, while he ran his fingers through my hair, kissing me, telling me how much he loved. I felt like I had to prove that I would never do it again. I had to prove how much I love him, and how sorry I am.

After managing to calm my tears down to simple sniffles, I pulled away from Ash, holding my hand up, to tell him I’d be a second. Shuffling over to my bag, I pulled open the secret compartment that I’d made for my drugs and shit.

Pulling out 2 bags of weed and a bag of oxy’s, I walked back over to Ash and handed him the bags. He just looked at me completely shocked.

“I only do drugs when I can’t get the high that I need, which……which is you. Last night I couldn’t have you, so….I just needed it.” I stared at the floor waiting, waiting to see whether I’d lost him for good or not.