The Memories of Broken Dreams

“Where were you!” Was the first thing I heard when I opened the door of mine, and now Amanda’s too, apartment. I didn’t answer her and sat down on the couch. “Alex!” She screamed. “I asked you a question! Were the fuck have you been? If been calling you all day!” Amanda’s face was turning red from all the screaming.

I shrugged. After storming out I’d been wandering around town until I stopped at Lily’s to pick Ally up. We’d spend the rest of the day together, allowing me to forget about all the drama that was going on.

“I was with Lily and Ally.” I said, but somehow this seemed to piss off Amanda even more. “You’re always with them! I’m your girlfriend Alex, we’re having a baby together! I don’t want you spending all your time with your fucking ex, who, by the way, is engaged with one of your best friends.” She pointed out, a smug smile on her face.

I could feel anger building up in me. “Alexandra is still my daughter Amanda. I already missed so much of her life because of all the mistakes I’ve made and I’m trying to make it up to both of them.” My voice got louder and I got up from the couch, stepping in front of her. “Just because we’re having a baby doesn’t mean you can keep me to yourself.”

“This is not about Ally! It’s about Lily. It’s so fucking obvious your still in love with her.” Amanda was on the verge of tears. “Just tell me, do you even want me? Or this baby?” I didn’t answer, no matter how much she annoyed me I didn’t want to hurt her like that.
But the silence was enough for Amanda. “I-I see.” She stuttered. “I guess I’ll just go than.” She grabbed her things and left. I sighed, I couldn’t let her walk away like that. “Amanda wait!” I yelled and followed her. She was already halfway down the stairs. “What do you want Alex?”

“You’re right, I’m still in love with Lily, but I want to give this a try. I already screwed this up with Ally and I don’t want to do that with our baby.” “So this baby is just a second chance to you? I chance to make up for your mistakes?” She shook her head and continued to walk down the stairs.

“No, of course not, I love this baby. I just…. I….” I wasn’t sure what to say. “Just leave me alone Alex.” Amanda whispered.

“No, Amanda wait.” I said and she turned around. “What Al….” But before she could finish the sentence she slipped and fell.

I stood at the top of the stairs for a few seconds, completely frozen, looking at Amanda who was lying at the bottom of the stairs, completely motionless. I gained control of my body and rushed down the stairs and pulled out my phone. “Hello? 911? Yes, my girlfriend, she fell down the stairs. She’s pregnant. Please hurry!” I gave them my address and hung up.

“Amanda? Mandy? Can you hear me? Please wake up baby. Mandy I’m so sorry! I never wanted this to happen. Oh god, Mandy, please open your eyes honey.” I begged, but no matter what I said she didn’t open her eyes.

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“Mr. Gaskarth?” I looked up to see the doctor coming towards me. I was sitting on one of the plastic chairs in the hallway of the hospital, right across Amanda’s room. I wasn’t allowed to go in since the doctors were still running tests.

“How is she doctor? Is so okay?” My voice was shaking. “She’s going to be alright. She has some bruises and a minor concussion, but she’s be fine.” He assured me. “A-And the baby?” The doctor gave me a sympathetic look and I already knew what he was going to say.
“I’m very sorry Mr. Gaskarth, but the baby didn’t survive the fall.” I could feel my knees gave in and I dropped to the floor. “C-Can I go see Amanda?” I asked. “Of course.”

I slowly entered the room. Amanda was lying in the bed, staring at the ceiling, tears streaming down her face. “Amanda?” I asked cautiously, but she didn’t respond. I sat down on one of the chairs next to the bed.

After a minute she broke the silence. “You know, I was actually excited to become a mom. I always wanted to have kids. You know I actually got pregnant when I was sixteen.” She continued to speak in a soft, monotone voice, her eyes not leaving the ceiling. “I was scared, but also very excited to become a mom. Unfortunately my parents weren’t as happy as me and force me to get rid of my baby. I was heartbroken.”

She finally looked at me. “So you see, this baby was not only a second chance for you, but also for me. Guess it was just not meant to be.”

“Amanda, I’m so sorry.” I whispered, but she was already staring at the ceiling again. “Just leave Alex.” She said, sounding very tired. I slowly got up and left the room.

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A little while later I was standing in front of Lily’s door. “Alex? Hey, what are you doing here?” Lily smiled when she opened the door. “Can me talk?” I asked. “Of course.” She opened the door further to let me in. “Where’s Ally?” I wondered. “At the zoo with Jack. But what’s wrong?”

That was all it took for me to break down. “I-I…. Amanda, we had a fight and she left. I went after her, but she slipped and fell. And… And the baby… the baby is….” I sobbed and I could feel Lily wrapping her arms around me. “Oh Alex. I’m so sorry.” She whispered and continued to hold me as I cried.

After a few minutes I stopped crying and looked at her. “You’re okay?” She asked softly, but instead of answering I smashed my lips against hers.