I Believe We're The Enemy

I wake up in Ray’s arms, and for a moment I’m confused, because I specifically remember Frank curling up next to me last night. Then a fuzzy half-asleep memory of Ray angrily commending Frankie to move resurfaces in my head and I smile. Sure, Frank is a good friend, but I’d rather sleep with Ray by far.

Looking over my shoulder, I see that Mikey, Gerard, and Frank must already be awake. Sprawled out on the mattress is Sun Beam, her dark sunglasses askew. Slowly, I piece together that before Ray had stormed in and snapped at Frank last night, he had been alone in the front room with Sun Beam. Another pan of sour jealousy strikes me, and I wonder what she did to make him so angry. Then I remember the warm weight of Ray’s arm around my waist and I turn back to him, pulling fistfuls of his shirt towards me and burying my face in his neck. Sleepily, he blinks his eyes open, and when he sees me he grins, pressing his face into my hair.

After several long minutes, Mikey peeks his head through the door, calling out to us. “Ray, Ginny, Sun Beam, wake up and smell the coffee, guys. Aren’t you hungry?”

“Coffee?” Ray murmurs, lifting his head off the pillow groggily.

Mikey sighs. “Not real coffee, Ray, calm down.” Ray grumbles quietly and his head goes limp, his eyes closing again. “WAKE UP!” Mikey roars impatiently, throwing the door open with a loud bang. Cringing, I burrow into Ray’s shirt, using his solid body as protection form Mikey.

“Mikey, stop it! You’re freaking her out!” Ray snaps, glaring at Mikey over my head. Mikey’s harsh voice softens.

“I’m sorry, Ginny... Ray... just, you guys are so damn lazy.” I grunt in acknowledgement and relax, breathing in Ray’s warm, dusty smell.

“I think she’s okay with that,” Ray replies, laughing. Then Gerard’s voice drifts in from the front room, unintelligible but irritated, and I find myself disentangling my body from Ray’s, stretching, and meandering out of the back room.

“Morning, Letterbomb,” Frank mumbles from one of the ancient booths ringing the room. I cross the tile floor and sit next to him, leaning my head sleepily on his shoulder. He chuckles and throws one sturdy arm around me, rubbing my shoulder in an attempt to wake me up.

“You sleep well?” he asks, gazing down at me with green eyes glowing with tender kindness. I nod, my ear rubbing against his tattered green-and-black jacket, and close my eyes again, hoping to go back to sleep. Frank, laughing, pokes me, and I grab his arm in retaliation.

“Ow,” he mutters, wincing, and I let go, watching his arm snake away from me. He gives a slight shudder and his face returns to normal.

“Frankie? What’s wrong?” He shakes his head, murmuring unintelligibly. Satisfied mood fading, I pull his arm back towards me, keeping my fingers gentle, but he still flinches away from my touch with a grimace on his pale face. I glare at him and he leans back, still trying to keep his wounded shoulder away from me. It wasn’t this bad yesterday.

Ignoring his confused exclamation, I lean over him and grasp his upper arm as gently as I can, wrenching off the sleeve of his jacket. I bite my lip anxiously at all the blood pooled underneath. My fingers push his shirtsleeve out of the way, exposing a sickly-looking patch of soft, blood-streaked flesh. Pushing his sleeve up further, I find a charred mess that’s starting to turn funny shades of green and purple. Squeaking softly in tender disgust, I run my fingers softly over the bloody mass, ignoring Frank’s groans of miserable pain. By now I’m kneeling on his lap, his left hand pinned under my knees as my hands keep a firm grip on his injured right arm.

“Ginny, stop, that hurts,” he gasps, trying to pull his arm away from me. I lean forward slightly, pushing him into the back of the booth, until our faces are only inches apart.

“Frank, if you don’t want to die, then you will let me take care of you,” I say, my eyes never leaving his quivering face. After a moment he nods, and I rip off the other sleeve of his shirt, using the somewhat clean fabric to blot away the blood and dirt covering his shoulder. He hisses quietly, his face scrunching up as he tries to hold back tears, when I pull out a painful-looking splinter buried in his bruised flesh.

Across the room, Gerard figures out what I’m doing and drags a small bucket of water over to where I sit, offering to help me. Together we rip up the remains of Frank’s shirt and manage to make his shoulder at least somewhat cleaner. Gerard confirms that it’s definitely infected, and when I look over at him I see that his face is pale with worry. We find a deadly-looking bit of shrapnel embedded in the base of his neck, and I pull it out as carefully as I can, squinting to blur the image of the blood dripping from his soft flesh. When it finally pops free of his skin, he gives a shuddering gasp of agony and the tears come loose from his eyes, pouring shamelessly down his face.

“I can’t do this,” Gerard mutters, his voice shaking. I meet his frightened hazel eyes and nod, turning back to Frank’s frail body. These boys have been so strong for me, and now it’s my turn to be strong for them. I push Frank down so that he’s lying on the booth, his feet hanging off the edge, and I sit cross-legged on his stomach, which he doesn’t seem to mind. Fingers flying, I bandage his neck and shoulder, stopping occasionally to wipe the hot, sticky tears off his face. He must’ve been hit by more than a gun blast, because no laser gun could’ve caused this much damage.

“Frankie, you weren’t just shot. You look like you were in an avalanche.” As I finish wrapping the bandage, tucking the edges in carefully, I stroke the side of his neck with gently fingers, trying to be as comforting as I can.

“That warehouse wasn’t full of food, it was stocked up with weapons. One of the dracs fished out a fucking hand grenade and threw it at me and everything just kinda blew up... I don’t really remember,” he murmurs, turning his cheek into my hand. I run my thumb carefully over his soft skin, wiping away whatever blood, dirt, and tears that I can.

“It’s okay, Frank. Just sleep now, alright? You’re a mess.” He nods and I lean down to kiss his forehead before climbing off the booth and finding a seat with Mikey and Gerard. Mikey gives me a single nervous glance before becoming utterly engaged in his food. Gerard, on the other hand, is all over me.

“Is he okay? He’s not going to die, right? I don’t think I could handle that,” he blurts, reaching around me to grab the back of my chair on either side of me so that I can’t get away without answering his question. His hazel eyes flash like strobe lights, and for the first time I notice a tiny haze of dark stubble on his chin and upper lip.

“Gerard, he’s going to be fine. Relax.” Gerard takes his hands off my chair but doesn’t lean away, and I find myself feeling as if I’ve been captured by his gaze.

After a moment he looks away, a few stringy strands of his red hair trailing down in front of his face. “I’m sorry I was so... so useless, I just-”

I touch his pale lips gently to quiet him, and he looks down at my fingers silently before leaning away. “It’s okay, Gee. I understand.” Really, I don’t. Gerard seems completely satisfied with his loving friendship with Frank, not to mention his relationships with Mikey, Ray, and even myself, but I, on the other hand, would be terrified to find myself so shamelessly engaged in that kind of connection.

Just then Sun Beam stalks over to me from where she was sitting across the room, her hair and sunglasses restored to their normal perfect glory. She leans down toward my ear, pulls my hair out of the way carelessly, and starts to whisper, making sure not to let Mikey and Gerard hear.

“You little whore! You’re head-over-fucking-heels in love with all of them!” She leans away with an innocent smirk and turns to strut into the back room, where Ray is still asleep.

“What did you just say?” I ask, my voice rising to a shrill yell. She turns, her face flashing with guarded anger, and repeats herself.

“I said you’re a fucking whore and it’s these assholes’ faults that they can’t tell that! Ray thinks you’re in love with him, you little bitch, but you’d just as readily fuck any of the rest of them!” She turns to Gerard and Mikey, an enraged blush rising in her cheeks. “I hope you’ve realized by now that this whole I-hate-people-woe-is-me thing is just an act. She’s just a dirty little whore and she’s in ‘love’ with you all! I can’t believe you haven’t seen that by now. You’re so damn stupid, Party.” To my surprise, Gerard blushes harder and stands up, his face contorting in painful rage.

“Leave her alone, Sun Beam! She’s not a whore and you know it. You’re just fucking jealous because Ray loves her and he doesn’t love you!” Sun Beam whips around in response to Gerard’s shouts, and suddenly her exceptional height starts to scare me.

“Stay out of this, Party Poison.” As Sun Beam stalks toward me I find myself backing away from her, and after only a few steps I run into Gerard’s slender chest. Sun Beam grabs my chin, pulling my face up into her direct line of vision, and looks me right in the eyes. Through her sunglasses I see a tiny glimmer of blue.

“Look here, Letterbomb. The Jet-Star might have picked you, despite the fact that you lack even a basic resemblance to beauty, but that doesn’t mean that he’s yours,” she growls, gripping my face painfully. I jerk away from her and promptly run into Gerard again, which he doesn’t seem to mind. His hands clamp on my shoulders protectively and for the first time I’m actually glad for his friendship.

“Sun Beam, there’s a reason Ray didn’t pick you,” Gerard snarls, pulling me closer to his body to protect me from Sun Beam’s wrath. Surprisingly, she just smiles.

“But our dear friend Ginny doesn’t know that, does she?” Confusion wafts over me as Sun Beam’s voice turns falsely sweet.

“I said leave her alone, Amanda,” Gerard growls.

“You want to know what happened, Letterbomb?” Sun Beam asks, grinning cruelly. She doesn’t give me time to answer. “Last time I was here Ray kissed me. Inches away from fucking me when Mikey interrupted us, trust me.”

A powerful wave of something sickening rushes over me. I don’t care. I don’t fucking care! Still, somehow it gets to me, envy so powerful it hurts. I break away from Gerard, my hands fisted, and take a falsely confident step toward Sun Beam.

“You’re lying, Sun Beam. He would never do that, not ever.” My voice comes out more clearly than I expect, but on the inside I’m shaking. Sun Beam towers over me, her chin level with my forehead, and I know that if it came to a fight she would win.

“You little whore,” she murmurs, her head cocking to one side. “You can’t defend all four of your little fuckers at once, you know. You’ve got to pick one.” Her fist connects with my stomach, hard, and even as the breath is knocked out of me I stand as tall as I can. “And remember, Ginny,” she continues, grabbing my right arm and twisting it painfully, “the Jet-Star is mine.”

Gerard’s horrified shrieks fill the room as Sun Beam punches me in the jaw and I finally stumble, my arm still in her grip. Her knee drives into my gut and she drags me toward the back room, ignoring my feeble attempts to fight back. Finally, I break away, and after a few seconds I manage to stand up, my twisted right arm limp and useless at my side. Still, I fight back with my left hand, punching Sun Beam’s pale skin wherever I can reach.

“You little bitch!” she shrieks as I finally manage to sock her in the cheek. Gerard lunges forward to grab me, but Sun Beam reaches me first, yanking me into the back room. My fingernails claw ferociously at her face as she pushes me out of the boys’ reach, her fists flying into my face and stomach again and again. Even though I’m aching all over I refuse to be weak in front of her. I won’t cry, I won’t scream, but I’ll fight, and I do. Ray finally wakes up, his eyes widening in horror as he watches us battle. I look over at him for a moment, and the pain as Sun Beam’s fist smashes my nose can’t overwhelm the rush of agony when I think about Ray. What the hell? This shouldn’t be happening! Still, I can’t deny the bitter hatred when I think of him kissing Sun Beam.

However, the wave of fury is enough to bring my hand to Sun Beam’s face much harder than before. This time, she grunts in pain as my fist collides with her jaw, and before I can bring my hand forward to punch her again she spits a mouthful of crimson blood onto the floor. “Oh, you’re in for it now, bitch,” she hisses. Suddenly her fingers are wrapped around my throat, my arms flailing desperately to get away. Help finally reaches me as a firm pair of arms wraps around my middle, but as Mikey attempts to wrench me away from Sun Beam, all he succeeds in doing is pinning my arms behind my back so that I’m incapable of fighting. Sun Beam’s grip tightens painfully as she leaps on top of me, pushing me to the ground, and even though Mikey jumps out of the way my arms are still trapped uselessly underneath me as Sun Beam scratches angrily at my face and throat. For several minutes I continue to struggle as she attacks me, her mouth twisted in a wail of fury, before Gerard finally pulls her off of me and shuts her out of the back room with an enraged scream.

For a moment the room is silent, and then Ray is there, pulling my head into his lap and stroking my hair gently as my tears begin to fall. Just seeing his face makes me sick, but I don’t want him to leave me, even though Gerard, Frank, and Mikey are just as willing to cater to my every whim.

“She’s hurt too, you know,” I croak, finally pulling myself together. To my surprise, Ray smirks.

“Good for her. She deserves it, after all she did to you,” he growls, his tense fingers softening as he runs them gently down the side of my face.

“You... you don’t care?” I murmur, looking into his green-tinted brown eyes no matter how much it hurts.

“About her? I don’t give a damn! It’s you I care about,” he replies. His face seems completely honest, but I still can’t quite quench my envy. “Where the hell did you get the idea that I care more about her than you? She didn’t-”

“Um, Ray, Sun Beam did... Well, she told Ginny. Not... not exactly the right story either,” Gerard interrupts, biting his lip nervously.

Ray’s face turns red with a mixture of fury and embarrassment. “She’s a liar, Ginny. Don’t... don’t let her-”

“Mess things up for me?” I murmur, looking away from him. “Because it’s too late, I’m already jealous of her.”

His face turns sad and a bit confused. “You... you?” he mumbles, unable to word the rest of his sentence. Gerard stands up and promptly invites Frank and Mikey to leave the room with him, and the three of them meander awkwardly back into the front of the diner.

To my surprise, Ray helps me stand up and leads me through a door I’d never noticed before, right next to Gerard and Mikey’s cot. The next room is bright and sunny, with windows making up three of the four walls, and to my right, double screen doors lead out into the murderous desert all around. Dusty, stained furniture, mostly armchairs, surround us, but Ray ignores it, turning to me instead.

His eyes flash and for a moment I think he’s about to say something, but his mouth only opens a bit as he leans down toward me, his head turning slightly to the side. He closes his eyes softly and mine close instinctively as well, giving me no way to tell where his face is. Then something soft meets my lips, something warm, and I feel tingles shooting down my spine as Ray’s curly hair brushes against my cheeks. Warm realization stirs inside me. He’s kissing me, actually kissing me, and I’m not pulling away. For a moment I consider the thought, but them I just relax, moving my lips against his as his arms wind gently around my waist.

After a few everlasting seconds he leans back, his hands lingering on my hips as he pulls away from my embrace. It’s only now that I realize that my arms were wrapped firmly around his neck, my fingers gently ensnared in his hair. For a long moment I press my lips together, my eyes still closed, trying to keep hold of my happiness for as long as I can. My heart is beating way faster than it should be, and flushes of comfortable warmth are spreading across my skin from wherever Ray touches me. Finally I open my eyes, and guilt swamps me as I see the anxiety in his gaze.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” he mutters, pulling away from me. “I’m sorry. I-I’ll go.” He starts to walk away, his head hanging, and I realize that I’ve hurt his feelings. He thinks I didn’t like kissing him; that I didn’t want it to happen. A surge of emotion rushes over me and I grab his arm, pulling him back. He turns to look at me, confusion and hurt flashing in his eyes.

“Ray,” I whisper, taking his hands gently. After a few seconds relief flushes over his face as he realizes that I meant it when I said I like him. He starts to smile, pulling me closer to his chest.

“Ginny,” he murmurs as I lean my head on his shoulder, staring out the sunlit windows with half-closed eyes.

Suddenly the door bangs open and a set of footsteps runs up to Ray and I, stopping abruptly. “I was sent to... um... retrieve you two, but... uh... it appears that I’m interrupting something,” Mikey stutters, his voice adopting a cheeky tone on the last few words.

“Shut it, Mikey,” ray growls, leaning away from me. My head slides off his shoulder and I keep a straight face as I turn around, even thought I hate stepping out of Ray’s warm embrace.

“Well... We’re deciding what to do about Sun Beam.” Ray and I both start talking at once, but the words coming out of my mouth aren’t what I expect.

“Get her out of here! I never want to see her face ever again!” Ray bellows, pulling me closer to his body protectively.

“Wait, Kobra, don’t kick her out. Give her a second chance. I would’ve done the same thing,” I blurt, shocking myself with my words. However, it’s true. I would fight for Ray any day.

“More like a third chance,” Mikey grumbles as Ray looks at me incredulously. I lead them back into the bedroom and then the front room, where we find Gerard and Sun Beam glaring tensely at each other. Frank has once again collapsed on a booth.

“Party, they think we shouldn’t kick her out.” Sun Beam turns to us, surprised, and I see a glimmer of hope on her face as she gazes at Ray, inhaling Mikey’s words eagerly.

“Not my idea,” Ray growls, refusing to look at Sun Beam. Confused hurt masks Sun Beam’s face as she turns to me, hiding her envy as Gerard lets out an angry snarl.

“Letterbomb?” she asks guardedly. I find myself fidgeting uncontrollably in her puzzled gaze.

“Sun Beam... Well... Nobody deserves to be an outcast in this place. Plus, I would’ve done the same exact thing... You don’t deserve to die out here in the desert, no matter what they think,” I reply, gesturing at the boys.

She looks at me in confusion, her fury fading away, and I see a flash of tenderness appear in her eyes before she manages to hide it. “Thanks,” she murmurs flatly, sitting down in a booth out of our sight. I intuitively know that she’s starting to cry.

Gerard sighs, closing his eyes to try and tame his fury. I start to walk over to him and make sure he’s alright, but he puts up a hand to stop me. “Ginny, I need some time alone,” he mutters, looking away from me. I nod, masking my confusion, and sit down at a booth near Frank’s, my face and limbs still sore from the fight.

As Ray sits down across from me the memory of our kiss returns at full force, sending waves of warm puzzlement over me. My fingers gravitate to my lips, running over the smooth surface again and again. When this first started I thought that Ray was just attractive, maybe more approachable than the rest of the Killjoys, but now it seems that something greater has blossomed. I can’t stop thinking about him, and I go out of my way to be near him all the time. I remember the sickening jealousy I felt when Sun Beam told me her side of the story; it felt as if I was being consumed from the heart outwards by an aching black hole. I wonder if Ray feels the same way about me, or if I’m just weird. Maybe I’m a mutant. Dreadful fear swamps me as I realize that I can’t even put a name to the way I feel. Once again, the solution lies within my newfound friendships.

I’ll ask Gerard. He’ll know.