I Believe We're The Enemy

Mikey’s P.O.V.

When I was really little, I remember Gerard once telling me never to approach a wild animal, especially a wounded one, because it could bite me and give me rabies. Of course, the first time I saw Ginny, I didn’t see a shy, broken-hearted teenage girl like everyone else; I saw an injured wild animal, dangerous and probably rabid. While Gee and Frank didn’t hesitate to approach her, I hung back, terrified by the unidentifiable beast that was obviously trying to kill me with whatever contagion it carried. I avoided her, using whatever it took to keep the monster at bay.

Ray was obviously charmed into believing the animal’s act, and he definitely caught whatever she has. Problem is, it wasn’t a disease. It was love. At first I thought she’d passed it on to him and left it behind, nut now I can tell that she’s still carrying all the symptoms. I’m glad Ray caught it before I could; that isn’t something I want to be stuck in the middle of.

“Gerard?” Ginny asks, slinking over to the table where I sit next to my brother. It’s been three days since she fought with Sun Beam, and things have gotten better since then. Frank has, for the most part, recovered, and his shoulder has turned from green and purple to a fleshy pink color. I’ve watched as his relationship with Ginny grew; she turns to him for everything, and he’s always there for her. It would be a lot sweeter if Ray wasn’t so jealous. On the other hand, Ginny and Sun Beam have actually started to get along, to all of our shock. Sun Beam has attempted to quench her affection for Ray, obviously hoping to stay with us, and as we all warm up to her new, kinder personality, she’s started to show signs of friendship toward Ginny.

“Yes?” Gerard replies, his voice noticeably louder than Ginny’s shy mumble. I look up without moving my head as Ginny motions for Gerard to quiet down, pointing to the open door through which Frank, Ray, and Sun Beam are still asleep. I turn back to my food.

“I... I need your help,” she stammers, studying her fingernails shyly.

“Let me guess. It’s about Ray,” Gerard says in a smart-alecky tone. Ginny smirks, embarrassed, and promptly flick him off. He laughs.

“I know you, Ginny. There’s only one thing--or person--that’s ever on your mind.” Ginny’s smile fades, and she looks away from Gee anxiously.

“Actually... That’s what I needed to talk to you about,” she blurts. “I don’t... I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I never stop thinking about Ray, ever, and I want to be near him all the time. Every time Sun Beam smiles at him I feel like there’s a black hole in my chest, eating me alive, and every time he touches me I get all... warm... I can barely even remember life without him, and it hurts just thinking about what would happen if he wasn’t here. He makes me feel real, and alive, and perfect and beautiful and amazing.” She lets out a tiny shudder, and I find that I’ve finally gathered the courage to look at her. “I... I keep wondering if he feels the same way, and every time I think he doesn’t, I feel like shit. Is this normal, or am I just a mutant alien zombie Battery City thing? What’s wrong with me?” We both look at her for a second, and then Gerard grins.

“I never doubted this,” he says gently, taking her hand, “but that confirms it. You love him, Ginny.”

Her face pales and then blushes, he ears turning bright raspberry pink as her eyebrows scrunch downwards in agitation. “But--Gerard--that’s not possible. I don’t love him. I don’t love anyone. I don’t love!” she exclaims, her voice rising in volume. To my surprise, instead of telling Ginny that she’s obviously wrong, he just look hurt.

“Oh,” he mumbles, letting go of her hand and leaning back. Ginny, her face flicking through emotion after emotion, stands up and runs through the bedroom and out to the back porch, where I had found her entangled in Ray’s arms the other day. Gerard closes his eyes for a long minute, and when he opens them he’s back to his normal in-charge, I-can-handle-this expression.

“I seriously thought... I... ugh.” I raise my eyebrows in shock. He believed her. Ginny was obviously in denial!

“Gerard, you idiot, she does love Ray! And you, and Frankie too! Oh, for the sake of all things not BL/ind, she probably even loves me! She’s just denying it!” I hiss, gesturing wildly with my hands. Gee looks up at me hopefully.

“You think so?”

“Um... Gee... You’re acting weird.” Normally he wouldn’t be so oblivious. He’s my older brother. He knows everything.

Gerard sighs. “I’m not in love with her, Mikey, I swear.” I raise an eyebrow at the proposition. “Just... Something about her... She’s like a little sister. She needs me to protect her...”

“And... to be like a little sister, she must admit to loving you?” I ask, puzzled.

“Well... I guess not... I dunno, I just... I want her to be our friend. To understand that love is okay.” He sighs and returns to his breakfast, putting on a believable poker face as Ray walks into the room and sits down in the chair Ginny just vacated.

“Hi Gerard,” he murmurs sleepily.

“Morning, Ray.”

“You seen Ginny?”

“Back porch. Having another breakdown.”

“She’s in denial,” I add, interrupting them.

“Of what?” Ray asks nervously. Gerard glares at me across the table and I shut up. “What’s wrong, Gerard?” Ray continues, one of his hands fisting anxiously as Gee’s mask starts to slip.

“I... She... she loves you, Ray,” he whispers. Ray’s face contorts with emotion, a mix of joy and terror. “But she won’t admit it. She claims that she doesn’t love, like she doesn’t know how to or something. She yelled at me, said she doesn’t love anyone.” Gerard makes it sound as if the worst thing in the world is to be shouted at by Ginny the rabid animal.

“Gerard... Do you like her?” Ray murmurs, biting his lip. Gerard replies hastily.

“No, Ray, no, I promise I don’t! I just... She’s so beautiful and amazing and she’s just like a little sister and I love her so much and I want her to be happy and I want you to be happy and I don’t want her to be afraid and-”

“Glad we’re all on the same page. Everyone wants her to be happy, but she’s terrified that she’s going to fall in love,” Ray interrupts with a hint of sarcastic resignation, throwing his hands up in the air.

“She already has,” I mumble. Ray’s elbows slam onto the table as he buries his face in his hands, his ‘fro effectively hiding all traces of emotion. Gerard looks as if he’s going to be sick.

“You’re both insane,” I conclude before standing up and padding across the room. “I’m gonna check in on Dr. D. We haven’t seen him in a while.” Ray and Gerard just ignore me.

As it turns out, Dr. D has been working on another recording. His room is where we keep all our music equipment: two guitars, a battered drum set, Gee’s microphone, an amp, and my old bass guitar. Every once in a while we use our scrounged-up recording equipment to compile a song, which Dr. D then edits and layers and tweaks until it’s perfect. We had just finished recording one that I had an especially good feeling about when we found Ginny.

I find Dr. D with a pair of headphones clamped over the greasy bandana holding back his hair, fiddling with a number of odd machines and clicking away at buttons that make bright patterns flash across the grimy computer screen before him. I tap his shoulder gently and he turns around, grinning. He had obviously been expecting me.

“How’s the new song coming along?” I ask, excitement making my face flush. He takes the headphones off with a prideful smirk.

“Great, kiddo. You wanna hear it?” My eyes widen. Ray, Frank, and I always record together, but we never get to hear Gerard’s part until the songs are done. I nod eagerly and he slips the headphones over my ears, pressing a few buttons next to the screen.

Right away I hear Ray’s repeating up-and-down guitar line and I grin. This song had been especially fun to record. After a bit of simple instrumentals Gee’s voice comes in, plain but dramatic, and I smile a wide, toothy smile. His voice always makes me happy.

”Gravity
Don’t mean too much to me
I’m who I’ve got to be
These pigs are after me, after you

Run away
Like it was yesterday
And we could run away
If we could run away
Run away from here!”

Another guitar line starts and beneath it I hear my own part, pounding and thrumming as Gee declares that “I’ve got a bulletproof heart.” Yeah right.

“I love it,” I whisper, watching Dr. D click a few more buttons. The first verse is entertaining and free-spirited, and after another round of the chorus an awe-striking guitar solo comes in, leading into another line of Gee’s voice. The new song is very different from the old stuff, happier, but it’s beautiful and I like it.

Ginny’s P.O.V.

I stay curled up on one of the old armchairs for a long time, desperately hoping that the boys won’t come after me. I don’t know what to think of Gerard’s conclusion. Whether he’s right or not, all I know is that I don’t want to love Ray. I don’t want to anyone.

Finally, my hunger gets the best of me and I slink through the empty bedroom and into the front of the diner, hoping to get some food and leave before I’m noticed. Of course, keeping my head down means that I don’t notice Ray creeping toward me. I open the refrigerator door and pull out a can of food, and when I close the door again he’s standing there, the false grin plastered on his face turning into a sincere one at the sight of me.

“Ginny,” he says softly, his arms opening just a little bit. I fight the urge to flee and stare at him for a long time, trying to tame the wild fear bubbling up inside me. His smile fades as I remain undecided, unable to forget my earlier conversation with Gerard. Finally, a wave of desperate need consumes me and I fly into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his torso and burying my face in his muscular chest.

All of a sudden someone grabs me from behind, pulling me away from Ray, and drags me across the floor to the booth where everyone else is sitting. Panicking, I fight to get away and rush back to the porch, because I don’t think I can bear to talk to the boys now, but Frank keeps a firm hold on me as he calls Ray over to block off my escape. I attempt to climb over Ray, but his solid arms wrap around me and keep me firmly pinned on his lap. “Don’t go!” Frank cries, grabbing my hand, and I look back at him with a laugh bubbling up in my throat. Then a powerful wave of affection and, undeniably, love engulfs me and my heart starts to flutter in my chest with fear. Frank immediately detects my upset and pulls me from Ray’s lap to his, hugging me so firmly that I give up all hope of escaping. His familiar scent wafts over me as I bury my face in his chest, feeling the first of my tears leak out of my eyes.

“What’s wrong, Ginny?” he asks, looking down at me with gentle concern. That’s when I realize that Gerard must’ve relayed our entire conversation onto Ray, which makes me blush with powerful embarrassment. What if he doesn’t feel the same way? Sobs of terror and shame wrack my chest as I lean into Frank’s solid body, relaxing automatically as his fingers brush away my tears.

“Frankie,” I whisper, grasping the front of his shirt and curling my legs up onto his lap.

“Shhh,” he replies gently. For several long minutes he holds me, stroking my hair and letting me press my tear-stained face into his chest as I shake with uncontrollable sobs. Finally he slides further across the booth, making a space for me between himself and Ray, but I keep my head leaned on his shoulder, making sure that the distance between myself and Ray is as great as possible. Every single touch hides an undertone of emotion that I’m not quite ready to sort out. It’s bad enough to have realized that I love Frank.

“What did I do?” Ray murmurs to Gerard, obviously trying not to let me hear. His efforts are in vain.

“You didn’t do anything, Ray. She’s just scared,” Gerard replies softly, reaching across the table to run his fingers along the side of my face. I stiffen at the loving gesture, but I can’t block out the pleasure as his soft fingertips wipe the dusty tears from my cheeks.

“Um... Ginny, if you keep ignoring Ray like this I think he’s going to start crying,” Frank mutters, gently pushing me off his shoulder. I look over at Ray and, taking in the confused hurt on his face, I pull my knees up to my chest and cry harder, feeling my fear send electric shocks through my heart again and again.

Frank pokes me gently, attempting to push me into Ray, but I don’t budge. I can feel the eyes of all four boys and Sun Beam on me, waiting for me to give in, but every time I think about Ray something inside me hurts. I’m afraid to love him, but at the same time I’m terrified that he doesn’t love me. Of course, my thoughts pull me far enough away from the real world that when Ray throws a desperate hug around my shoulders, I flinch away, startled. His face takes on an expression of almost accusing hurt and he starts to stand up, but I grab his arm, pulling him back.

“I’m sorry. You startled me. Don’t leave,” I yelp, pleading with my eyes. He melts instantaneously. I pull him back down onto the booth, wrapping my arms around his waist so that he can’t get away. Smiling with relief, he pulls me closer to his body, sighing as I nuzzle my face into his neck.

“You’re crazy, Ginny,” he whispers fondly. In acknowledgement, I turn my face away from the others so that they can’t see and bite the soft skin of his neck gently. Only Frank notices Ray’s substantial twitch, but he doesn’t say anything.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys! Dr. D let me listen to the new song earlier, and it was really good,” Mikey blurts, his expression of spacey boredom morphing into excitement. The boys all start grinning, while I look around in confusion.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, removing my face from Ray’s shoulder. Luckily, there isn’t a mark where I nipped his neck.

Gerard leans over the table, an incredibly self-confident smile plastered underneath his bright hazel eyes. “You are about to see, Ginny,” he says, refusing to elaborate. I follow them across the diner and into another room, where an expectant Dr. D pressed a few buttons on a couple of huge machines, and music starts to play from a set of enormous speakers. After a few seconds the singing starts, and I give a miniscule squeal of delight as I recognize the voice as Gerard’s.

“What do you think?” Ray asks, draping an arm around my shoulders. I let the music waft over me, feeling the beat seep into my bones, and I smile.

“It’s amazing,” I whisper. The background complements Gee’s voice perfectly, filling in the empty spots and making my heart race in anticipation of each new line. Ray walks across the room and starts digging through a giant pile of miscellaneous stuff, searching for something that he can’t seem to find. Finally, he pulls out a surprisingly shiny electric guitar, its strings humming as he brushes his fingers gently over them. He sits down on a dented chair and starts to play along to the song, his head bent in concentration as he nods gently with the beat. When the song ends he stands and walks over to me, his fingers flying automatically to certain spots on the guitar’s slender neck. I reach out tentatively and strum the strings, feeling my heart race in my chest as a beautiful sound rings out. Ray grins and his fingers find another chord, and as I pick up the beat that he’s tapping his right hand along to I strum again, just in time. The other boys look over as Ray switches from chord to chord, my fingers letting each sound ring out. Ray starts to sing along, and I can’t help but grin at his pleasingly soft voice. For someone so tall, his voice is incredibly high-pitched.

Finally he slips the guitar strap over my own shoulders, dropping the heavy instrument into my hands, and I look up at him curiously. “You try,” he murmurs in my ear, his lips brushing gently against my skin before he pulls away. He places my fingers on the correct spots, making sure that they’re pressing down hard enough before nodding in satisfaction. Scrunching my eyebrows in concentration, I strum the strings gently, grinning excitedly as a warm, happy sound rings out.

“Four times,” Ray continues. “Extra hard on the third beat, and keep it going.” I start to play again, strumming one-two-three-four-one-two-three-four-one-two-three-four-one-two-three-four. Ray stops me, placing my fingers in a new position. “Again,” he directs, grinning as I play the next four bars in perfect time. Next, he shows me a third chord, and then directs me to play the first one again, putting together a pattern. He smiles with a new sort of pleasure as the song falls into formation. When he starts to sing I recognize the song: my mother loved it, and sang it to me when I had nightmares and couldn’t sleep. It’s an older song, but I love it all the same.

”Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things you do,
Yeah they were all yellow.

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And everything you do
And it was called Yellow...”

I stop playing then, my heart pounding a million miles an hour, and Ray steps toward me, opening his mouth to speak. My throat burns with terrible memories and I want to scream, to let all my pain and hurt and fear out into the world, but Ray stops me. As he sees the connections flashing in my eyes he closes his mouth and lifts the guitar strap off of my shoulders, pulling me into a warm, caring hug. His arms move down to my waist and tingles start to shoot across my skin, making me shiver. Is this love? No, it isn’t, because he probably doesn’t love me.

Over Ray’s shoulder I see Frank glancing up at me and I smile affectionately. At the moment I feel safe enough to admit that Frank and I definitely love each other. Funny that I should believe so deeply in his love for me, but not even dare to venture into thinking the same about Ray.

“Ginny?” Ray breathes into my ear, his face so close to mine it almost hurts.

“Yeah?”

“I-” He’s cut off by a loud scream as Frank leaps on top of Mikey, tackling him for all he’s worth. Looking over, I spot another guitar, one of its metallic strings freshly snapped. Dr. D walks over to fix it while Frank and Mikey squabble. It’s an interesting fight, because whereas Frank is so short, Mikey is as skinny as a twig, so neither of them have any advantage involving size. When Frank finally escapes (only after having thoroughly enraged Mikey), he runs to me, wrenching me out of Rays grip and using me as defense. My heart sinks as I slip away from Ray, and the familiar tingles aren’t even remotely present when Frank’s skin meets mine.

“Frankie, leggome,” I mumble, trying to push him away, but he wraps his firm arms around my waist and pulls me into his chest, leaning his head on mine. Despite the difference between his size and his friends’, he’s still solidly three inches taller than me. He squeezes me once, grinning playfully, and turns to Ray.

“Can I keep her? Please?” Ray shakes his head furiously and grabs me back, and I feel myself relaxing as I fall into his arms again. Sighing gently, I lean my head on his chest, closing my eyes and listening to the steady pounding of his heart. Behind me Frank starts fake crying, an obnoxious noise that obviously irritates Ray.

“Shut up, Frankie,” he groans, brushing my hair gently out of my eyes. Electric tingles burst across my face as his skin brushes my cheek.

“But... But I love Ginny! I want her back!” Frank’s fake blubbering is incredibly annoying. Did he really just say he loves me?

“No. Mine.”

“That’s not fair. You’ve had her for the past, like, ten minutes. It’s my turn.”

“Not taking turns. Mine.”

“Ginny?” Frank wails miserably. “Why must you abandon me for that hairy lump of--of-”

“Awesomeness,” Ray interjects. I giggle.

“I like him better than you, Frankie,” I laugh, hugging Ray tightly.

“But Ginny... No! I love you!” Frank makes a loud and dramatic keening noise before flopping to the ground, supposedly dead. Even Sun Beam is laughing now.

“Yeah, Frankie, I love you too. Quit dying and pull yourself together.” I guess I must’ve sounded way too serious, because all the eyes in the room turn to me, and Ray’s arms unwind from around my waist. “What?” I ask, looking at Ray nervously. His face morphs rapidly from enjoyment to anger to hurt, and he pushes me gently toward Frank.

“Fine, then,” he murmurs, stepping away from me. “If you love him and not me, well, have fun with that.” His voice turns bitter on the last few words as he turns and stalks out of the room, leaving me feeling like a paper doll that’s been ripped in half.

“Ray!” I call, starting to follow him. “Ray, stop I didn’t mean it like that-”

“Are you sure?” he snarls menacingly. “Because it sure sounded like it to me. I thought you were just afraid, but I guess you don’t feel the same way about me as I do about you.” He then proceeds to rush out of the diner, slamming the front door behind him. I look around at everyone else, seeing that they’re just as shocked as me, and even though tears of painful despair start welling in my eyes I refuse to cry in front of them.

“If he comes back, tell him I... I’m sorry,” I say, amending my statement from “I love him” to “I’m sorry” just in time. Then I race into the bedroom, barely managing to shut the door before my tears come loose. I crumple onto the cot that I usually share with Ray, my cheeks wetting almost instantaneously as my body is crippled by sobs. He loves me, he said so. Somehow this only makes me hurt more. I want to be able to tell him “I love you too, Ray Toro,” but I’m so afraid. What if he didn’t mean it?

“You do love him!” an excited voice exclaims from the doorway. I look up, trying to hide the obvious tearstains on my face, to see Sun Beam shutting the door behind her.

“What do you want?” I grumble, my speech muffled by my hands as they cover my face.

“I’m checking on you. We’re all worried,” she says, sitting down on the cot next to me. “The boys had the lovely idea that I could give you a makeover for when you tell him how much you love him. Gee will be here in half an hour to help.”

“Why are you helping me?”

She laughs. “As much as I love Jet-Star, you guys are adorable together. Plus, you forgave me, and it’s because of you that Gerard and Mikey haven’t killed me by now.” She grins in a shockingly kind way and for a moment I see a new, girlish side of her. “And you obviously love Ray more than I ever did.”

“I don’t love him, Sun Beam.”

She rolls her eyes, pulling me to a sitting position. “Yes, you do. Of course you do. I know, Gee knows, even Mikey knows. Ray’s just afraid to believe it.”

My breath catches in my throat. “I... I... He... What?”

Her eyes widen. “Oh, I get it! You both love each other, but you’re both afraid that the other one won’t love you, so you won’t admit it. It’s like a never-ending cycle! This is interesting,” she muses, staring off into the distance. My stomach churns with sickness.

“Anyway, I need to give you a makeover now. The boys say there are new clothes in the closet...” I tune her out as she voices her plans for me and starts fingering my hair, experimenting excitedly with the silky bronze locks. Half an hour later Gerard comes in to find me dressed in a sky blue shirt decorated with a giant carnation (Sun Beam’s permanent marker drawing) and a pair of well-worn gray-black skinny jeans. Sun Beam has divided my hair into two sections and is insistently braiding it into matching plaits on each side of my face. After a brief argument in which I get no say whatsoever, Gerard unbraids my hair and, with Sun Beam’s help, piles it all on top of my head, using ribbons and various pins to keep it in place. A few smooth strands hang down around my neck, which Gerard curls carefully around his fingers.

“You look dazzling,” he tells me when they’re done. “Ray will love it.” Another wave of fear and sadness rushes over me and I cover my face with my hands, trying to stop my tears before they come. Gee pulls me gently into his embrace, holding me until my tears drain away. Then he directs Sn beam to open the door and, his arms tightening around me, commands Frank to go find Ray.