I'm New to This

I blinked.

What is this?

I let out an anxious breath. The memory of just nights before replayed for the thousandth time.

Am I…?

“Felix! School! C’mon.. Get up!” my dad yelled up the stairs. I sighed once more and threw the blankets off myself, getting up and leaving my little attic-room.

I was already dressed and ready for school… I had just crawled back into bed.

I’m a lost cause, aren’t I? I thought to myself as I got into the car with Dad. Before driving off, Dad just sort of stopped and looked at me.

“Second week of school huh?” he asked me. I rolled my eyes, sighing.

“Yeah,” I mumbled.

“Oh, c’mon Felix! You’ve made friends and been places with them. It’s not so hard.” he said.

I laughed it off and Dad just pulled out of the driveway.

School was normal.

I thought that I would run into Owen, and that’s why I had been dreading it. But I didn’t see him once. Not even a glimpse. And Liam was the same ‘ol, same ‘ol.

So I got home pretty quick. Dad just dropped me off, saying he had to go set up his new office. He said he wouldn’t be home for a while, so I was on my own for dinner. You see, he had this whole last week off for some reason. And he started work tomorrow.

When I first arrived at home, I just sort of mulled around. Unsure of what to do, I would alternate from a bite of food, to laying on the couch and watching the TV, to laying on my lumpy bed upstairs.

But, I actually got this urge to write. Because I would be laying on my bed doing nothing, therefore Owen would come to mind and then I couldn’t get him out of my mind. And I heard somewhere that the best way to get over love is to write about it. I’m not in love, and I’m not really getting over it… but what I’m trying to say is that writing might help my new, weird obsession…. Or realization that I may now be gay.

I changed into some sweats and a thin t-shirt, then I took out my contacts and put on my glasses, like I usually do when I get home. I finally sat down at my computer, ready to write.

I spent a little while reading things I’ve written before, or things I had started to write. And just when I thought I was ready to write, I heard something.

I stopped everything I was doing and sat in silence, listening. I thought that I had heard a knock, but I wasn’t sure. After another moment listening, I shrugged and turned back to my computer. But then I heard something louder; a doorbell.

I looked at the clock. It was only 4:30, Dad shouldn’t be home yet… maybe he forgot something? I mean, who else would it be?

I left everything where it was and descended the stairs. The doorbell rang again as I headed for the door.

“Coming! Jeeze,” I said a little bit sarcastically and bitterly. I got to the door and unlocked it, swinging it open. “I thought you--”

But it wasn’t Dad.

Oh no. It was Owen. And my heart stopped.

“What, uh--” I tried to say, but of course, my voice was all rough and cracked and I had to clear my fucking throat before I could speak clearly again. “What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know… I wanted to see you,”

I scratched my head lightly, not knowing what to say. “…Oh,” I finally managed to say.

He took a moment, too, before he spoke. “Actually, I thought we could hang out.”

He wanted to hang out? That was a bit weird. My heart skipped a beat, but it was still weird. I don’t even know him, and on top of that he tried to kiss me--of course I’m not going to hang out with him!

“Um, sure..” I said it without even thinking. It just came out. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

He smiled a bit. “Yeah, okay. Can I come in?” he asked, motioning toward the inside of my house. I nodded and stepped aside.

He was doing that thing again, staring at me with that blazed stare.

“S-so, what are we gonna do?” I asked, hoping he’s snap out of it. He did.

“Well, I wanted to take you to some of my favorite places on the coast.” he said. I nodded.

“Today?”

“Well, yeah. I reckon we only have time for one, though.”

I nodded.

---

“Wait! W-wait,” I huffed as I struggled to catch my breath. It was frigging hot outside, and it was a long walk to this ‘special unknown beach’. Yeah, right.

But, we finally arrived to the beach and, yeah, it was pretty secluded.

It was weird, though. To be here with him. Alone. When I didn’t really even know him. But he wanted to see me and he wanted to hang out with me. It was… a little nice. To be wanted.

Anyway, we had finally arrived. I was sweating like a pig and Owen hadn’t even broken a sweat. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Well,” I said dramatically. Then I saw a very shallow cave in one of the rocks that caused this beach to be secluded. Smiling, I stalked over to the little indent, because it had a shadow. And just as I thought, it was nice and cold.

Owen followed and sat down next to me.

“So how did you come upon this place?” I asked. He smiled, his eyes squinting because of the bright sun.

“My dad knew of it, and when me and my brother were little, he took us here. It’s where I learned to surf,” he said. The way he talked about it, it was very sentimental.

“And… you like surfing, right?” I asked. He looked to me with a smile.

“Yeah. My favorite thing. I’m good, too.” he said. I just nodded, not really knowing what to say. I had my feet pulled up into my body, with my arms wrapped around them. It was originally to get my whole body into the cold shadow cave, but it was also a sort of the way I sat when bored or a little bit nervous. And I was a little bit nervous. My heart was still beating.

I was looking at Owen. And he was looking at me. We were just looking at each other.

All of a sudden, he reaches over to my face. I flinch a little bit, unsure of what he’s doing at first. But then he grabs my glasses, which I had left on rather than put my contacts back in.

“Hey! I can’t see very well!” I say with a laugh. And it was true, things were fuzzy on the edges and I had to squint. Which I did.

“Yeah? Can you see my face?” Owen asked playfully, placing my glasses behind him.. I think.

“Yes, I can see your face! Just.. Not very well,” I said, squinting again. I could only really tell that he was smiling.

“Does it get better if I come closer or go father away?” he asks. My heart jolts as I realize the answer.

“C-closer..” I say meekly. Owen doesn’t say anything, but leans in, so our heads are closer.

“Like this?” he asked once he was just inches away. I breathed in a sharp breath.

“Yeah…”

And we were back to where we were a few nights before; on the brink of kissing.

But this time, instead of getting us caught on the plateau of the almost-kissing tension, Owen just kisses me.

He kisses me. Kisses me! Fucking kisses me!

And you know how when you’re kissing someone, you both sort of fall over? That happened to us in a way, except I was propped up on my elbows and he was hovering over me with his hands on either side as if he was doing push-ups. Which wouldn’t have been so bad…

And you know how in the movies when the actor will talk to someone while their kissing, where they’re lips are still touching but they're smiling and mumbling little nothings? Well, yeah, Owen was sort of doing that. We had stopped kissing for a second and he smiled--and I smiled--and he chuckled low in his throat.

“Like this?” he asked in a teasingly manner. And to my surprise, I chuckled, too.

“Yeah~”

You win, Owen. I’m like putty in your hands.