Whatever It Takes

“Alright, sounds perfect. See you soon” Arianna smiled as she closed her phone and put it face down on her bed. She couldn’t help the smile that permanently took over her face every time she spoke to Jordan. Things had been going so well between them in the past month and a half, it almost felt unreal. For the first time in a long time, she was happy.

She got off her bed and walked to her window, looking at the white snow cover the ground outside like a blanket. It was now the end of January, Christmas and New Years having already passed in a whirlwind of holiday celebrations. So much had happened in such a short amount of time, she had barley spoken to the boys in Chicago.

Chicago. She closed her eyes as the thought entered her mind, a tingle erupting in her heart. She had grown to miss it a little less each day, yet couldn’t stop the sudden memories and thoughts that entered her head. More specifically, who entered her head. She could see those blue eyes and that bright smile at any moment.

She hadn’t spoken to Patrick since that last conversation they had on iChat. She wasn’t sure she was able or ready to face him yet. After hanging up with him, Arianna realized she probably looked pathetic. Her emotions were so clearly visible, he for sure knew she hadn’t gotten over him.

And then Jordan came over and turned her life around. For the first time in a long time she could see herself with someone. Someone she trusted and cared for, and who felt the same way about her. Once she opened herself up to the idea of being in a relationship with him, it all fell into place. That’s why it helped her feel like she could do what she knew she had to.

She walked back over to her bed and opened her iChat, praying he was online. She thanked every god imaginable as she saw him on her friends list. Without thinking twice, she clicked his name and called him.

Being with Jordan had helped her realize she could be happy with someone other than Patrick. She was in a real relationship and that’s somewhere she thought she’d never be. It also helped her realize she missed having Patrick around, even if it was just to be friends.

The screen expanded as the video call began, showing a handsome Patrick on the other end. Arianna’s heart did a quick patter at the sight of him, but she shrugged it off. Some things would take time to get over.

“Hey” she said as brightly as she could, growing nervous suddenly. She hoped he wouldn’t be awkward, that this conversation wasn’t a bad idea. “Hey!” he said back cheerfully, a smile spreading across his face. She was almost certain she could see relief flash across his face, although his eyes showed some hesitation.

“How have you been?” she asked politely, knowing that this was such pointless small talk. “Busy” he laughed, “had holiday stuff before and now doing some promos for the All-Star game coming up on top of hockey. How about you?”.

“Uh, I’ve been good” she replied, smiling in response. “Been busy with school and work. Nothing quite as exciting as you unfortunately” she teased as he rolled his eyes at her response.

“You know I hate when you do that. What you do is just as interesting as anything that I do,” he said encouragingly, causing Arianna to blush a little. That was one thing she had always adored about him. He made her feel like she was equal to him. Nothing she did was ever too small or too boring in his eyes.

“Oh of course” she said sarcastically, “going to class to listen to a 65 year old professor talk about politics is just as fascinating as traveling the world to play hockey”. She smiled at him through the camera, their eyes catching each other.

“Well, when you put it that way…I know, being me is pretty difficult to beat” he teased as he shot her a slightly arrogant smirk. “Shut up” she laughed, as they began to laugh. They had somehow fallen right back to how they were before everything went wrong. It amazed her how it seemed like cosmic forces worked to always bring them back to one another and back to this comfortable place.

“Look I have something I need to say” Arianna blurted out before she could stop herself. “I need to apologize…” she said bravely. Patrick looked at her blankly, “Why are you sorry?” he questioned, his eyes revealing his confusion.

“Because of the last time we spoke…I was immature and I’m so embarrassed that I behaved like that” she sighed, feeling guilty as the words left her mouth. “I wasn’t over you yet, even though I tried to tell myself that I was. So seeing you with Jamie, it was a lot harder than I had imagined it”. She saw Patrick nod his head, his eyes suddenly becoming cloudy.

“But hanging up on you so quickly, that wasn’t right. And not talking to you for a month…that wasn’t mature either. Then again you could have picked up the phone to speak to me as well…but either way I just need to apologize for my actions” she finished as rushed the last few words.

“Truthfully, I didn’t even think anything of it. I could tell you were hurt to be honest, but I never thought you were wrong for acting the way you did…I wanted to reach out and talk to you Ari, I really did” Patrick said as he looked down, “but I knew you needed time. You told me that before you left Chicago”.

Arianna nodded, her eyes eagerly shifting over his face to take in the features they had missed so much. He always remembered everything she said, it was another thing she adored about him. “I did say that... I was really hurt and confused then Pat. Please don’t hold that against me. But I’m ready now to have you back in my life, if you still want that of course. I’ve grown up a lot and things have changed. I’ve missed you”.

Patrick suddenly grew confused as he felt his stomach twist in warning. “Of course I want you in my life, you’ve always known that” he replied as he nervously rubbed his neck, “so…what’s changed?”.

Arianna rubbed her arm, nerves rushing over her. “A lot of things. I…I was miserable when I got back to be honest,” she confessed as she forced herself to look him in the eyes. “For the past month or so though, I’ve been seeing this really great guy. It’s very new and all but he’s really helped me grow. The whole relationship made me see things differently”.

Patrick gripped his chair, his hands forming a fist. Did she just say she was in a relationship? “Oh…wow yeah that’s great Ari. Whose the lucky guy?” he forced himself to say as he tried to keep his voice steady. He wasn’t sure why but this sudden rage overtook him. He had known that she would eventually wind up with someone else. That was the whole point of letting her go. Yet the reality of another guy with her, touching her, kissing her…

“Uh…” she responded nervously, as she looked away from his serious face. “It’s Jordan…” she finished as she saw a flash of something cross his eyes. Was that anger?

“Jordan?” he question incredulously, “as in the guy who texted you when you were here?”. Arianna furrowed her brow; what was up with his sour attitude?

“Yeah…” she responded tentatively, shooting him a questioning look. “I know it seems odd, considering I said nothing was going on then. And there wasn’t anything going on” she added, “but when I got back…he just showed me another side of him. He’s a great guy, you’d like him”.

“Doubt that” Patrick mumbled under his breath, as his foul mood was now evidently clear. “What?” Arianna asked, wondering if she misheard his words. “Nothing” he finished, as he rolled his eyes.

“Patrick, do you have a problem?” Arianna asked, growing angry at his sudden change in attitude. “None” he said smugly as he leaned back in his seat, “it’s pretty fucking cute actually”. He gave her a smile laced with sarcasm, irritation lingering in his eyes.

“You clearly have a fucking problem, so say it” Arianna told him, sitting up straighter in bed. Patrick shook his head and sighed, “I think you could do better” he responded with annoyance in his voice.

“Better? You don’t even know him,” she practically screamed throwing up her hands. “Since when do you have any say in who I date anyways?!” she continued, her eyes starring him down.

“I know you better than anyone else Ari” Patrick said angrily. “So I have a pretty good sense of who you should be with. And it’s definitely someone better than a guy who messages you at 2 am because he has nothing better to do”.

“Is that what you think? He messaged me because he had nothing better to do?” she yelled, her fury boiling up with every word coming out of her mouth. “Maybe he messaged me because he couldn’t stop thinking about me. He cares about me and thinks about me all of the time. He wants to be with me” she fought back angry tears.

“So tell me Pat, who should I be with? Someone like you? Who I told how I felt and rejected me?”. She didn’t want him to see how badly he was hurting her, but her eyes filled with tears anyways.

“It’s not fucking like that Ari” he responded, slamming his hand against the table. “Really? Than tell me how it is?!” she yelled back, wondering what the hell he was talking about.

Patrick shook his head. No matter how angry and jealous he was, he couldn’t tell her the truth about why he let her go. “Forget it,” he mumbled, as he slid down in his chair.

Arianna shook her head, a single tear falling down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly praying he didn’t see it. “You don’t get a say in who I date. Not when you go and date girls like Jamie” she spat out before she could stop herself. She silently cursed, hating herself for showing him her jealousy.

“I’m not dating her, I never was” Patrick responded, rolling his eyes yet filled with irrational pride as he saw her jealousy. That must means she still cares about me, he thought smugly.

“Oh you’re right. I’m sorry. You were just using her so you could sleep with someone” she spat back at him. “Jordan’s probably doing the same thing with you” he said back before he could stop himself.

She felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. The wind was momentarily knocked out of her lungs. She couldn’t hide the hurt that was written all over her face. “This was a mistake,” she said, as she looked down. “It was a mistake for me to think we could be friends,” she finished, their eyes connecting again as she glanced back up at him.

Patrick sat silently, no words able to come out of his mouth. He wanted to apologize to her the minute the words left his mouth. He felt nauseous, almost on the verge of throwing up. How could he ever say something like that to her?

“Nice talking to you Patrick. Have a nice life.”

In a second her face was gone from his screen, the window closing to signal the end of the conversation. It happened so quickly he could barley react. Yet it wasn’t quick enough to stop him from seeing the sadness and betrayal that was written all over her face and eyes.

What have I done? he thought miserably to himself, as he laid his head against the couch. He had really messed up this time