It's a Good Year for a ***

The sun’s slowly going down while I sit outside with Johnny. The others are inside, having an important meeting I’m not aloud to hear. Watching Stallion run around the yard makes me smile a bit, he’s so goofy.

“You took it like a champ.”
“What?” I ask, turning to look at him
“Your tattoo, for your first time you handled it well.”
“Well.” I laugh lightly “I’ve been through a lot of pain. What’s a little more?”
“You can talk about it if you want. I’m here for anything you need.”
“What are you, the resident psychologist?”
“Yeah something like that.” He laughs
“Question for a question?”
“Sounds fair, I’ll go first. Why a swallow?” he asks, pointing to the tattoo on my right forearm.
“I read somewhere that swallows represent love and loyalty to your family. And I’ve always wanted to be a bird, free to go where I want. Do you know what they’re talking about in there?”
“Not a clue. Do you miss you family?”
“What family? I doubt an abusive stepdad and a mom who could care less about you counts as a family. What was your family like?”
“Not the best,” he shrugs his shoulders “not the worst. What happened to your sister?”
I pause at this one.
“She drowned in the pool. We were playing hide-n-seek. I didn’t know she went outside, I was too late. The swallow’s for her.”
“I’m sorry.”

Neither of us speaks after that. We just let the silence of the night fill the air. Someone’s voice erupts from inside. I can’t make out what they’re yelling about, but one of them is clearly unhappy about something. Johnny makes no move to see what’s going on so I stay where I am as well.

“I tried to run away once. Had it all planned, I was gonna join the circus.”
“What stopped you?”
“When my mom picked me up from school she told me she had a surprise from me.” I say turning to look at him. “When we got home she showed me this weird looking picture then told me she was pregnant with my sister. And I knew right then I’d never be able to leave. I had to stay and protect her from that man.”
“You’re brave.”
“No. I was in love. I loved her even before I met her and I’ll love her everyday of my life. She made me happy, if only for a little while. Tell me how y’all ended up here.” I say, changing the subject
“Not much to say. Zacky’s dad killed his mom in front of him, Brian’s girlfriend cheated with everyone, Matt’s dad beat him and his mom, and Jimmy’s just crazy as fuck.”
“What about you?”
“My sister was raped. She went crazy. I tried to help her but when my parents couldn’t deal with her anymore, they sent her away. She ended up killing herself.”
“Is that why you kill people, because you were hurt in the past? That’s kinda stupid. I’ve been hurt, doesn’t mean I should go around killing people.”
“You did. You can say it was self-defense all you want, but it’s a lie. You could’ve waited for us to come get you. You could’ve complied with him. But you stabbed him in the chest. Besides, we kill bad people, mostly.”
“I still think it’s fucked up.”
“He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.” He says lowly as he stares at me “And I feel no pain anymore.”