Green and Gray

In the morning, it was as if our bodies synched together and let each other know when to wake up. My eyes fluttered open the same time as John's. Gray met green and smiles lazily spread. That is until we realized how close our bodies were and how tangled our legs had become. His arm immediately unwrapped itself from my waist and we both rolled onto our backs. The silence was thick with embarrassment.

Finally, I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed, “I'm, uh, going to, uh, use the restroom.” I awkwardly said as my aching, unused feet got used to the cold hardwood.

“Yeah, uh, take your time.” He said as he sat up.

John wasn't in the room when I reentered, but the door was open, so I assumed he was roaming somewhere else. I grabbed an outfit for the day from my bag and made my way back into the bathroom. Once I was dressed, I grabbed my cell phone from where it was charging and left the room, checking my messages on the way.

I had one from Ryder asking me how Hollywood was and one from Landon, checking in with me. I replied saying everything was good, but I was busy at work, so I couldn't talk. It felt horrible to lie to my boyfriend, but it seemed like the best thing to do. I didn't want him to break up with me for going on a trip with someone he forbid me from seeing.

“Well good morning, Miss.”

I jumped at Sawyer's cheery voice then clutched my chest where my heart lied underneath my ribcage, “Jesus Christ.” I breathed and she laughed.

“Sorry.” She stood up from the bar where she was using her Macbook, “Come over here, I want to talk to you.” She smiled.

A bit nervous, I followed her to the couch in the living room, where, I noticed, a rerun of Conan was playing on their flat screen. Since I had already seen the episode, I didn't pay much attention. And since it was the morning, though, I knew she had recorded it. “You like Conan?” I asked, making polite conversation.

She nodded vigorously, “Hell yeah. Nick thinks it's weird how much I like him, but I don't really care.” I snorted, “Anyways,” She adjusted her position on the couch and focused all of her attention on me, “tell me about you and John.”

Surely John had told he we were just friends? “What about John and I? We're just friends. I have a boyfriend.”

She rolled her eyes, “Whatever. If you didn't have a boyfriend, what would be going on with you and John?”

My brow furrowed, “Where is John?” I asked, noticing he wasn't anywhere to be found.

“Him and Nick went for a Starbucks run.” She waved her hand dismissively, “Now answer the question.”

I let out a heavy sigh, “I mean, we'd probably be together. I don't know.” I threw my hand out in frustration.

She smirked, “Come on, he's one of my best friends, I know how charming he is. Plus, he's genuinely a really great guy.” She smiled softly at me. I felt conflicted, but what else was new? Her legs crossed and she turned completely serious, “Let me tell you a story.”

I nodded at her to go on.

Sawyer pushed her hair behind her ears and swallowed. Whatever she was about to tell me was definitely serious. “Mine and Nick's marriage wasn't so great at first. We got married on my eighteenth birthday in Vegas after knowing each other for four days.”

I nodded again, “John told me.” I softly said.

“I figured. So since The Maine and Rocket are such good friends, John has seen me at some of my worst moments. Actually, he's seen me at my absolute worst.” I frowned; how could this bubbly girl have been so down at one time? “My dad said some pretty nasty things to me when Nick and I told my parents about our marriage. We fled to Tempe and I pretty much broke down in front of John, Garrett, Kennedy, and Max. They were all good sports and made sure I had a good time that night.” She smiled fondly. I smiled lightly as she seemed to be reliving it in her head.

“Summer 2009, Rocket and The Maine were on Warped Tour. There were some rough fights between Nick and I there concerning accusations of me cheating on him – which were all false, by the way.” I frowned, “One day, after a pretty vicious fight, while I watched Rocket play, I passed out from an immense pain.” She took in a shaky breath, “It turns out that I was pregnant, but had a miscarriage.” I let out a small, involuntary gasp, “It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. I blamed Nick and didn't want anything to do with him, but he always had a watchful eye on me. I cracked in Cleveland and we had this huge blowout and I came home.”

She paused to breathe and I took this as the opportunity to speak, “That sucks, Sawyer, I'm sorry. But how does this have anything to do with John?”

She chuckled, “Oh, there's more to the story, a lot more.” She swallowed again, “I was a wreck and Nick and I's relationship was on the brink of ending, so I decided to fly out for his twenty-first birthday. Shit hit the fan and I found out he cheated on me before Warped Tour.” My jaw dropped, “Yeah, my reaction exactly. So I flew to where Warped was and stayed with some friends of mine in the band Breathe Carolina.

“John was so pissed when he saw me there. He was furious. I don't know if you've seen him angry, but it's pretty frightening.” I knew exactly what she was talking about, “He was clearly on Team Nick, but when he found out what Nick did, he was immediately on my side. I got really drunk that night. I still, to this day, don't remember much except throwing up and John and Jared getting me on their bus. I was a wreck, a complete mess. John was there every step of the way, just being there for me. He wasn't telling me what to do, but he would subtly throw his two sense at me every now and again. He talked to Nick and gave him a piece of his mind, but ultimately, he just let me cry on his shoulder.

“I'm telling you, Sparrow, I was drunk for most of that two weeks.” I cringed, “It wasn't fun, not at all. But when I got home, it was John who had convinced me to really talk to Nick.” She smiled, “Then he was the one who kept a watchful eye on him on their next tour. I trust Nick now and John helped me get there. He's a great guy, Sparrow, and I know by the way he looks at and talks about you, he truly cares for you.” It seemed as if everyone really wanted John and I together. Sawyer smirked, “Plus, there's a cloud of sexual tension between you two that a machete couldn't even cut through.”

My jaw dropped and I was left speechless. Just then, the door opened and in walked Nick and John.

“Man it's cold outside.” John said then shivered. I looked up at him, expression not changing. He straightened up, “What?”

I still had no idea where my mind was, so the only response I gave him was a blank stare.

Sawyer giggled from next to me, “You sexiness has her in a trance, John.” She said as she graciously accepted the grande sized Starbucks cup from Nick's hands then leaned up and pecked him on the lips. I shot her a glare while John laughed. Sawyer shrugged innocently in response and took a sip from her cup.

“That's totally cool if you think I'm sexy, Sparrow.” John smirked as he sauntered over and handed me a venti Starbucks cup, “Not many can resist me.”

Both Nick and Sawyer snorted from the couch next to me, where she had made room for him and leaned back into his chest, “John, Man, I don't know many girls that go for a skeleton.” Nick said then took a drink. Sawyer laughed at the scowl on John's face and I still hadn't said anything.

“Shut up, you know I can't help my fast metabolism.” He half-whined, half-complained.

“We know, John,” Sawyer pouted sarcastically, “and we sympathize.”

He flipped her off as he sat down in the loveseat to my right and she blew him a kiss. I liked this girl, I liked her a lot.


It was planned that we would cruise around Hollywood and do some shopping before heading over to The Roxy for the show. I dragged John into some vintage and thrift stores before we ended up at Amoeba Records. I'd been there a few times before, but it never ceased to amaze me.

It was two stories and posters lined every inch of the walls. The bottom level had rows and rows of CDs and vinyl, while upstairs had movies and more miscellaneous items. We scoured the used CDs for some good finds and came up with quite a few great one dollar selections.

After we spent some time there we got back in my car and continued on our trip. We were stopped at a red light, enjoying the beat of “Pull A U” by The Kills when a word on a building caught my eye. Excitedly, I turned and looked at John.

“What?” He asked after noticing my creepy grin.

“Let's get tattoos.”

His brow furrowed, “What?”

I nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah, come on.” The light turned green and I anxiously pulled up and turned onto the street going the opposite direction so I could park.

“Come on, Sparrow, this is ridiculous.” He said as I pulled my keys from the ignition.

“You can either sit in the car or some with me. Either way, this is happening.” I said before jumping out and making my way to the sidewalk.

My stomach was fluttering at how spontaneous I was feeling. I didn't hear John get out of the car until I was almost to the corner of the street. I looked over my shoulder at him as he shut the door. My finger pressed on the lock button on my keys and he jumped a little, making me laugh. “Come on, JohnOh!” I called out happily.

“How may I help you?” An extremely tatted man with shaggy brown hair said when John and I walked through the door of the tattoo shop.

“Hi, I was wondering if there was an opening today?” I questioned and he nodded.

“There sure is, what can I do for ya?”

I approached the counter he was standing behind, “I was thinking about some small script right here.” I brushed my fingertips across my right side, across my ribs, under my breast.

“Definitely. Let me go get some paper.”

I turned to John with a big smile, but all I was met with was an annoyed looking singer. My smile dropped almost instantly, “What?”

He rolled his eyes, “Are you positive you want to do this?”

My brow furrowed and my anger flared, “What's your deal, John? Why are you so against me getting a tattoo? You have plenty and I already have two...” I trailed off when I saw the confused look on his face.

“You have two tattoos?”

I nodded, “I thought you knew?” He shook his head, “Oh. Well, I have an anchor made of vines and flowers right here,” My hand grazed the outside of my right thigh, “And a peace sign right here.” I pulled the sleeve of my jacket up my arm along with the bracelets on my wrist to show a small peace sign on the outside of my left wrist.

“I had no idea. It's probably because you're always wearing so many fucking bracelets.” I laughed at his sudden frustration.

“Is that why you were so against this, because you thought it was my first?” He nodded and I laughed again.

“I just didn't want you to come in here and get a tattoo because you thought it would be a good idea at the time.”

I shook my head, “I've been thinking about this one for a while it's-”

“Okay, what were you thinking of?” The tattoo artist asked when he finally came back.

I stopped mid-sentence and turned to him with a smile, “I was thinking of a quote by e.e. cummings.” He nodded, waiting for the quote I had chosen, “”Anywhere I go, you go, my dear.”” He nodded once again as he wrote it down. We discussed how big it would be and where the placement would exactly be, before John finally spoke up again.

“You know that's going to hurt like a bitch, right? I mean, I was practically crying when I got mine done.”

I shot him a small glare to which he raised his hands up in defense, “Mine is much smaller, John.” The tattoo artist – Ernie, I had learned – laughed at the both of us then told me he was going to transfer it onto different paper so he could then transfer it to my skin.

“Now, you're one hundred percent sure about this?”

I groaned and turned back to John, “I thought we already talked about this, John? If you're going to continue to be like this then why don't you leave?” I suggested. I hadn't been angry with John since Seattle because he was always such an easy guy to get alone with, but at that moment he was pissing me off and ruining my experience.

“I'm not going to just leave.” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest, “Look, I'm sorry, Sparrow. I won't say anything else about it. If you'd like, I'll even let you squeeze my hand when it hurts, which it will.”

I tried to stay mad, but he was pouting when I turned and looked at him again. I sighed in defeat and let my arms fall to my sides, “You say one more disapproving word and you bet your ass I'm going to hit you.”

He smiled then stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my neck for a hug. My arms instinctively wound around his thin waist. I felt his lips press into my hair, but I didn't say anything. I knew we held on a bit longer than “just friends” would, but it felt rights in his arms.


“So what possessed you to get that specific quote?” John asked as he pulled out into LA traffic.

I was sitting in the passenger seat, cringing in pain as my tender skin twisted in a painful way while I pulled my seatbelt on, “I, uh, got it for Erika. It was her favorite poem and she used to quote it all the time. She said she was going to have it read at her wedding. “I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart. I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go, my dear.”” I quoted, “I swear I can quote that whole poem right now just because she quoted it that much.” I laughed and he smiled, “She's with me everywhere I go, in my heart.”

He shot me a soft smile then slowly came to a stop at a red light, behind a black Range Rover, “Why don't we get something to eat then head over to The Roxy?”

I nodded, “We have to stop at the apartment to get the tickets, though.”

“We can do that right now since the restaurant we're going to is close to the venue.” He turned and turned again onto the main street.

We ended up at Ketchup on Sunset. It was part of a complex with a few stores and restaurants. Next door was an H&M and across the street was Mel's Drive-In.

“I've always wanted to try this place.” John said after we paid for parking and walked up the stairs to the second floor where the restaurant was.

It took some time to free a table for us, but not enough time to drive us away. The interior was all white and red with tables and booths lining the window on the far wall. We were seated in one of the booths against the window. I took the booth while John took the chair across from me.

I politely thanked the hostess as she handed me a menu then quickly looked over the selection. My eyes widened at the prices, but quickly recovered, “Hey, John?” I said, lowering the red hardback menu from my line of vision.

“Hm?” He hummed while he looked over the menu contently.

“I'm buying dinner.”

His eyes immediately met mine, “Sparrow-”

“No, John. You've already done so much. Let me just buy you dinner.” He sighed and gave me a look before looking back down at the menu. I smirked triumphantly as I opened mine back up.

Conversation didn't start flowing until after our waiter took our orders. I was quietly sipping on my raspberry lemonade when John began talking, “How excited are you for the show?”

I could feel my face brighten as the words left his mouth, “I'm so excited! I've been a fan since 2005 when their first album came out.” I spit out quickly, excitement getting the best of me.

He smiled, “You're so cute.” I blushed and looked away awkwardly. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, “So, how're things with Landon?”

I looked at him blankly. Was he really asking me about my boyfriend? The one that tore us apart? “Do you really want to know or are you just looking for something to say?” I questioned in amusement.

He sighed, “I don't really want to know; I can't stand that guy.”

I frowned as I began to stir my straw in my glass. I knew the conversation I was dreading was looming in the air. I was only hoping we wouldn't have to talk about it in such a public place. He was watching me, I knew this even though I wasn't looking at him. I knew he had a lot he wanted to say to me, but didn't know how to begin. I didn't either.

Eventually, I dropped my hand from my straw and folded my arms across the table. Gray met green again and we just stared at each other.

“I'm sorry about yelling at you the other day.” He started and I shrugged.

“I deserved it.” We were quiet again.

“Why do you let him walk all over you?” He was looking at me sadly, in pity.

My chest tightened at his words. “I-I don't know.” I knew, I just didn't want to tell him. He gave me a look and I crumbled, “I think it has to do with me wanting to please him so he'll stay with me.”

His brow furrowed, “Sparrow, if you have to worry about what you do so someone will still want to be with you, then you're in the wrong relationship.” I knew he was right. Everyone was telling me exactly what he was saying. And every single one of them were right.

“I know he cares about me, that's why he doesn't want me to talk to you. He's scared that I'll run off with you or something.” At least that's what I was hoping.

He shook his head, “I don't know what to say anymore, Sparrow. Anything I say isn't going to get through to you, so why am I even bothering?”

An enormous feeling of dread filled my gut. He was giving up. I didn't want him to give up. Him giving up meant that he didn't care anymore. I wanted him to care. Nothing more was said, though; I was too afraid of saying the wrong thing and setting him off. I was acting like a coward. I knew it and he knew it.

The rest of dinner was relatively quiet. I asked him a couple of questions pertaining his band and tours and he asked me questions about my sisters and the boutique. It was definitely awkward, that's for sure.


John drove the short distance to The Roxy and parked my Jeep in the parking lot on top of the building. The wind was blowing freezing cold air in our faces as we walked down the alley to the corner of the street. It only got worse when we rounded the building to head for the door. John and I weren't walking together. Instead, he was walking in front of me, like he was ignoring me. I was nervous for how the rest of the night would turn out.

The doors had already opened, so we walked right up to the door. The first band was already on, so we hung back and enjoyed the music. I wanted so badly to talk to him, to discuss the band on stage, but he just stood next to me with his arms crossed over his chest, nodding his head to the beat. For a split second I felt the urge to cry. I hated how everything was going.

We only saw two songs by the first band before their set was over. Once the curtain was down, John turned to me, “Do you want to move?”

“Yeah, I think over on the left side.” He nodded and let me lead him over to an opening in the crowd. Once again, we were silent.

I watched as a couple of girls checked him out which caused a pang of jealousy to shoot through my body. A grimace spread across my features when I realized how I was feeling even though I had a boyfriend. I was really getting sick of this torn feeling.

“How's your tattoo?” He asked as he leaned down so I could hear. I had taken the paper towel off of it before we got out of the car and it had still been pretty red.

I lifted my shirt to inspect it, “It looks fine to me.” He leaned back so he could check it out. Without another word, he nodded.

Not long after, Crash Kings went on and we began to enjoy the live music. I moved to the beat, but not in a slutty way. I was a fan of them and really liked how lively they were. The singer at one point played the piano and the bass from his perch in front of his keyboard.

By the time their set was over, I was smiling and John seemed into it just as much as I was. “Did you see that bass solo? That was insane!” He exclaimed once the curtain dropped and the PA system began playing a mix of alternative music.

“I bet Garrett would love a bass solo.” I smirked and he laughed.

“I bet he would, but I don't know if he'd be able to do something like that.” I chuckled at his level of excitement, glad he was actually talking to me.

That's when a tall blonde walked over with a plastic cup in her hand. She was smiling as she began hitting on John, “I'm sorry for interrupting,” No, she definitely wasn't, “but I couldn't help but notice your boots.” Really? His boots? John and I both looked down at the lace-up combat boots on his feet. “They're amazing.”

John laughed awkwardly, “Uh, thanks.”

She gasped suddenly, “Your eyes are gorgeous.”

I rolled my eyes and turned to look at the merch booth as John said a polite “thank you.”

“I'm Nicki.” She introduced herself.

“Hello Nicki, I'm John.” I couldn't tell is he was interested or if he was just being polite.

“Let me buy you a drink.” Was this girl serious? What if I was his girlfriend? Way to be considerate of someone's relationship.

“I'm sorry, but I'm quite all right right now.” I smiled to myself at his words.

“Oh, okay.” She pouted, “But if you change your mind I'll be up at the bar.” He smiled politely in response as she walked away.

“Not your type?” I questioned once he turned back to me. He shrugged but didn't say anything. I wish we hadn't have had that conversation at dinner.


“That was amazing.” I gushed as we walked out of the club.

He laughed, “Yeah, it was pretty good.”

I couldn't stop smiling as I relived the Duke Spirit's set in my head. “Thank you, John, for doing this.” I looked up at him sincerely and he smiled down at me.

“No problem, Ladybird. It was worth it to see you this happy.” I was glad that he was talking to me again.

We didn't say anything else as we made the trek back to the car. I started turned the key in the ignition then made it out onto Sunset Boulevard. All the while, John was looking for something to listen to on the radio. I laughed as he flipped through the stations one more time.

“Just turn on XM!” I exclaimed through a laugh and he sighed in aggravation.

Right when he pressed the XM button, I blushed seeing what the last channel I was listening to was. “You have the 80's channel in your presets?!” John laughed.

“Yes!” I exclaimed as “Shout” by Tears For Fears ended.

Suddenly, John started belting out the lyrics, which caused me to laugh harder. “Oh! This is my jam!” He exclaimed in a mock ghetto accent while his fingers twisted the volume knob. The beginning of “Take On Me” by A-ha filled the car as I drove the practically empty streets of Hollywood.

As the chorus kicked in, he began dancing foolishly, making me laugh at his ridiculousness. “Come on, Sparrow! I know you know the words.” He smiled at me while we sat at a red light. He was right, I did know the words. 80's music was my guilty pleasure and I knew too many songs for my own good.

As I watched him launch back into the song and continue on with his silly dance, I couldn't help the tightening in my chest as I realized I'd never seen Landon act like a fool in front of me. He'd never made me laugh like John did. So, even though I felt like crap so suddenly, I opened my mouth and sang along to A-ha because it felt like the perfect thing to do at the time. At that moment, nothing was wrong.