Green and Gray

We left early the next morning so John could get back before The Maine were due in Downtown Tempe for soundcheck at the Tempe Blockparty. I didn't want to leave Hollywood or Nick and Sawyer because I had such a good time, but John had to be home.

The drive was long and boring with me behind the wheel and John mostly sleeping the whole time. Up until he fell asleep he had control over the radio, so we listened to Tom Petty and The Doors. We made small talk, but our conversations weren't flowing as well as on the way out to California. Needless to say I was glad when he fell asleep so it wouldn't be as awkward.

When he woke up we were two hours outside of Tempe and the conversation flowed a lot more easily. I was grateful.

We pulled up to my apartment complex a little after one and as much as I didn't want to say goodbye to John, he had to go meet up with his bandmates.

“So, I'll see you tonight? We go on at eight.” He said as we walked to his truck parked a few stalls over from where my Jeep was.

My brow furrowed, “Huh?”

“You're coming, right?” He questioned as he threw his bag into the front seat of his pickup.

“I wasn't aware that I was invited.” I began to feel embarrassed.

John gave me a look, “Sparrow, just assume you're invited from now on, okay? You're part of our group now, even if your boyfriend doesn't want you to be.” I smiled despite the small insult he shot at me. He smiled back, “So it's settled. Tonight be there before eight so I can see you.” He opened the door of his truck and slid inside.

“I'll most likely have to bring Ryder and his boyfriend with me. Hope that doesn't scare you off.”

He shrugged, “The more the merrier.” He turned the key in the ignition and the hunk of metal roared to life. “Oh,” John said once he rolled down the window (by hand) and shut the door, “it's outside, so dress warmly.” He smirked and I rolled my eyes with a laugh.

“Shut up!” He smiled. “Thanks, though, for the vacation; it was fun.”

He nodded, “You're welcome. I'm glad you had fun.” We shared a look before we both awkwardly looked away. “Okay, well, call me when you get there and I'll meet you somewhere.”

I nodded with a tight lipped smile then stepped away from his vehicle so he could pull out of the parking stall. I watched him drive off and not until he turned out of the parking lot did I look away. With a sigh I looked down at my bag.

“Did you have sex with him?”

I jumped at the voice of my best friend in my living room once I got inside my apartment, “Jesus Christ, Ryder!” I exclaimed, clutching my chest where my heart was thudding underneath. He snickered as I picked up my duffel bag that I dropped in my fright.

“So, come on, tell me! Did you do the nasty-nasty with our favorite lead singer?”

I shot him a dirty look as I adjusted my purse on my shoulder, “No! I have a boyfriend, remember?”

He rolled his eyes and scoffed, “That's never stopped me.”

I couldn't help but laugh as I made my way toward my room, “But you're a whore, Ry.”

He pouted, “I know.” He said as he followed me. I just shook my head then proceeded to unpack my bag. “Spill! What happened in the city of angels?” He lied down on my bed and watched as I went through my closet.

“Nothing happened between us.” Like I would tell anyways; Ryder couldn't keep a secret to save his life. “I met the girl that's probably going to shoot Clover's wedding, I got a tattoo, we went to the show-”

“You got a new tattoo?” Ryder exclaimed in excitement. I emerged from the closet with my shirt up, already knowing he was going to ask to see it. “Oh, that's nice.” He wasn't saying it rudely like he normally would, “”And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling.”” He quoted the next line from the poem.

Ryder was there the night Erika was killed. He knew Erika and was just as close to her as I was, “She would have loved it.” He smiled, “She also would have wanted you to fess up on the details of your kinky adultery sex with John Ohh.” He moaned out the last part making me scrunch my face up in disgust.

“Nothing happened!” I stated more firmly, “Now go home and get ready because we're going to The Maine's show tonight with Jimmy Eat World.”

He raised one of his perfectly manicured eyebrows at me, “Oh really?”

“Uh huh. I'm picking you up at six. and I want to take a nap before I have to get ready, so unless you're going to cuddle with me, why don't you hang out at your own house for once?”

“Shut up, you whore.” He laughed, “Can Shawn go?”

I nodded then collapsed on my bed next to him, “Yup, now get out of my house, Woman.”

It was pretty freaking cold when we got out of the car later that night in Downtown Tempe. I wanted to get there earlier, but Ryder, of course, wasn't ready when I got to his house.

“Jesus Christ, it's colder than Hitler's vagina out here.” Ryder complained. I ignored him, though, as I dialed John's number.

“Are you here?” He questioned anxiously once he picked up. I laughed out a “yes” and he quickly let me know he'd be right over when I told him where I was parked.

John was freshly clean, wearing his hair up on its ends and a smile on his face, “You look gorgeous as always, Ladybird.” A puff of breath came out with his words from how cold it was.

“Thank you.” I blushed at his compliment.

I was wearing a black all lace dress that hung off my shoulders and had a ribbon at the waist with a black peacoat and a pair of Christian Louboutin Calypso heels Mila had given me for Christmas. My hair fell in soft curls down my back and my lips were bright red.

John gave me a quick hug before I introduced him to Ryder and Shawn. “Well, we gotta head back so the show can start.” He said then led us back to where everybody was hanging out and waiting.

All of the guys greeted me with “heys,” hugs, and “haven't seen you in a whiles.” It was nice to be missed and I couldn't help but think that John wasn't lying when he said I was part of their group now. It felt good.

I introduced everyone to Ryder and Shawn and they made a few introductions themselves. Kennedy introduced me to his girlfriend, Callie, who was a copper haired, blue eyed pale twenty something natural beauty. Even though her beauty was natural, she wore liquid eyeliner and light coral lipstick. Her voice was soft and I could tell by the way that her and Kennedy looked at each other, they loved each other.

Jared also introduced me to his girlfriend, Lauren, who was tall and blonde with bright green eyes. She was a sweet southern girl that had a charming accent. I could tell they were in love just as well. These people, I knew, I would get along with.

My legs were numb as I stood on the side of the stage watching The Maine perform their set. I had lost the feeling in my toes a long time before they even went on and my fingers were beginning to freeze. I knew there was no way to get myself warm unless I was inside somewhere.

In between songs, John began to address the very large crowd. “How is everyone on this very special Eve?” He yelled into the microphone. The crowd cheered, “I hope all of you have someone to kiss at midnight.”

Ryder shot me a look which caused me to laugh and roll my eyes.

“John, who are you going to be kissing at midnight?” Garrett asked while John strummed on the acoustic guitar hanging over his shoulder.

“Fuck, Dude, I don't know.” Ryder shot me the same look and I shoved him lightly.

“Who here wants to be John's first kiss of 2011?” High pitched screams erupted from the crowd and I rolled my eyes. These girls were all so desperate,

“Well, it looks like I'll be kissin' a lot of people tonight.” John said which earned him a few more seconds of screams and a lot of “you're sexys” “I want everyone to get the person you're going to be kissing at midnight and I want you to hold them close throughout this next song. This song is called “Into Your Arms.”

I smiled as I watched the couples in the crowd get close and even Ryder and Shawn. Callie blew Kennedy a kiss when he looked over in our direction and Lauren formed a heart with her hands when Jared looked.

Seeing all of the love floating around made me miss Landon. It made me sad that I hadn't heard from him in a few days. My head and heart had no idea what they wanted. They were being tugged in two directions, driving me absolutely insane.

“You looked a little out of it after “Into Your Arms.” John said as we waited for Jimmy Eat World to go on. There wasn't much going on around us and we hadn't spoken other than a quick conversation about where we were going to stand.

I shrugged at his observation, “I was just thinking.”

He smirked which caused my brow to furrow in confusion, “About how good looking you think I am?”

I let out a laugh while I rolled my eyes, “Not exactly, Mr. Ego. Wow, you get a group of underage girls to scream how much they want to fuck you and it goes straight to your head.” I was joking, but apparently he didn't catch on to my bad humor.

This was the moment when everything started going downhill.

He shook his head and scoffed. “Oh, come on, John, you know I'm just kidding.”

He looked over at me out of the corner of his green eyes, testing the waters, “Okay.” He faced me fully, “So what were you really thinking about?”

I cleared my throat awkwardly, “Uh, I was thinking about Landon. About how much I miss him.”

He pursed his lips and nodded, “Okay, fair enough; he is your boyfriend.”

“Yup,” I popped the “p” awkwardly.

“Have you talked to him lately?” He asked after a few minutes of awkward silence.

I knew he was trying to get some dirty laundry out of me, and even though I wanted to lie and tell him that I was talking to him regularly, the truth spilled from my lips. “I had a very, very short text conversation with him yesterday, but other than that I haven't heard from him since the night before he left.”

He squinted, trying to comprehend everything. All the while I was looking around awkwardly. Some people were looking at us, or him, rather, and then there was Ryder eavesdropping. I shot him a look and he blew me a kiss. I rolled my eyes.

“That's not right, Sparrow. I don't like how he treats you.”

I don't know why he felt the need to keep telling me when I already knew. It seemed like we always came back around to the same conversation every time Landon was brought up. Frankly, I was sick of it.

I cracked, “You know what, John, I know you don't and I'm sick of you telling me. It's none of your concern. You don't have a say in any part of my relationship.”

His jaw went slack, “Sparrow, I'm your friend. How many times do I have to tell you that?” I shook my head, “What are you talking about? If I wasn't your friend then why did I take you out to Hollywood? Why did I plan a trip for you to go see one of your favorite bands?”

“John, you and I both know that whatever's going on between us isn't “just friends.” The crowd began screaming as the band walked out on stage. John opened his mouth to respond, but I shook my head once more, “The show's starting.” I said then turned to watch as Jimmy Eat World launched into “Sweetness.” which made the crowd go wild.

John was still watching me, but I didn't look at him once the entire set. I knew we were going to have to finish our conversation sooner or later, but I was hoping for the latter.

It was almost 10:45 when the show was over. Right when people started to head for the parking lot, I took the initiative and grabbed Ryder's wrist so we could head for my Jeep. I was determined not to have to face John.

“Whoa, what's going on?” Ryder asked as he tried to keep up and tried to pull Shawn along with us.

“Sparrow!” I heard John yell.

“What happened?” He asked when he realized I wasn't stopping.

“We need to talk, Sparrow!” Fuck guys with ridiculously long legs and fuck these five inch heels!

“Sparrow,” Ryder tried again.

That's when I got stuck behind a group of drunken bafoons.

“Hey, Sparrow, are you coming to the after party?” Lauren asked, coming out of nowhere. This caused me to stop all together.

“I wasn't exactly planning on it...” I glanced at John then back at Lauren. Her dazzling smile faltered at my news.

“Come on, Sparrow!”Jared exclaimed, “We never get to see you! You gotta go!” I felt a tug at my heart as I watched him pout.

“Plus we didn't even get to hang out!” Lauren was pouting just like her boyfriend. This couple was so good at the pouting thing. A couple that pouts together, stays together.

“I don't know...” I looked around again. Ryder was looking at me with big, pleading eyes, telling me he wanted to go.

“It's New Years Eve! Come on, Girl!” Lauren tried again, “JohnOh, convince her to go, you guys are like best friends.”

I frowned and looked over at John. He was watching me warily. “I don't know guys...” I raised an eyebrow, challenging him. “She's usually in bed by now.” He smirked and my mouth dropped. Liar!

“What?!” The pouting couple both exclaimed.

“That is not true!” I defended.

“Don't lie, Sparrow.” Ryder demanded then turned to the blonde couple, “I swear this girl is mentally sixty.” I stared at him in shock. How could he betray me like that? Oh wait, it's Ryder.

“Okay, we're partying tonight.” Lauren grabbed my wrist and began pulling me toward the parking lot. “I'm riding with you so you go.” I groaned in defeat and let her drag me in the direction of my car.


The “afterparty” took place at John, Kennedy, and Garrett's place. I wasn't happy about being forced into a situation I didn't want to be apart of since all I really wanted to do was go home and cry into a pint of Chunky Monkey, but my new friend had other plans for me. I was not having fun watching a bunch of people I hardly knew getting drunk.

I wanted out of there, but as soon as I found the nerve to leave my best friend and his boyfriend, the reason why I wanted to leave so bad was gripping my elbow.

“Let go, John.” I said through gritted teeth.

“We need to talk.” His eyes were piercing through me, making me almost give in.

But I shook my head and ripped my arm from his grasp instead, “I don't want to talk to you, John.” I said as I moved deeper into the house, trying to loose him in the crowd. It was difficult to do since he was easy to spot and so was I since I was almost six feet with my heels on.

“Well too bad because we have shit to discuss.” I kept walking, completely ignoring him. “Sparrow, what did you mean by we're not “just friends.?”” I glared at him from my over my shoulder and my way into the backyard despite how cold it was. “Stop fucking walking away!” He tugged on my arm and spun me around.

“What?!” I cried, tears floating around in my eyes.

“Tell me what's going on. What were you talking about at the show?”

I sniffed and wiped hastily at my eyes. There were people watching and I should have cared that we were causing a scene, but I couldn't care at that moment. “I just – I don't know anymore!” His features softened immediately. “I'm so confused and I'm tired of feeling like I'm with the wrong person. I care about Landon a lot. You might not think he's good for me, but we work in some weird, fucked up way and I know that. But then you're there and you're nice to me and you care and you're sweet.” I cried, “And I never know what I'm going to get with you! But with Landon, I know him. I know what's going to happen. I know how he's going to treat me.” I breathed.

“But he makes you cry, Spare.” He said softly and I whimpered, “He's not a nice guy. What kind of guy makes his girlfriend not feel appreciated at Christmas? Sparrow, he doesn't even call you.”

My anger flared again, “Yes he does!”

He shot me an exasperated look, “When does he call you? When he wants to hang out?” I stayed quiet, “He does it when it's convenient for him. He doesn't do it just to talk. I know more about you than he does.”

“Don't you dare say that!”

He scoffed, “Does he know about Erika? Or about the time Winter beat you up with a roll of wrapping paper? What about the fact that the scar on your knee was from when you fell off a slide when you were three? Was he the one you called when you got into that fight with Ryver?” I shook my head as my heart broke. “He isn't right for you. You need to let him go because he's only making you hurt.”

I shook my head and closed my eyes. Like if I shut my eyes I could make him stop. I didn't want to hear anything he was saying even though it was all true. What he said was one hundred percent the truth. I hated how much he cared. I hated how much in denial I was. I was blinded.

The fireworks going off in the sky caught me off guard. But what shocked me even more was the feeling of John's lips pushing against mine. I melted into his body and let my intuition take control.

“Now tell me you didn't feel anything.”

I felt everything in that kiss. But that's not what I said.

“I-I-I love him.”

I'd never seen someone get that angry in such a short amount of time. “Whatever, Sparrow. Don't come crying to me when he leaves you.” And then he was gone.

I had possibly made the biggest mistake of my love life and all I could do was stand there. I didn't care who had witnessed our scene. I didn't care that Garrett had come over as soon as John walked away to see if I was okay. I wasn't okay. I was numb completely and not just from the cold.