Green and Gray

It was weird how when I was with John, it was like the rest of the world didn't exist. It always seemed like that, even when I was with Landon. I hadn't even checked my phone since he showed up at my door the previous morning. We spent the night together in the fort, talking and joking around. The record player played a plethora of music including Radiohead, The Decemberists, and Bon Iver. It was nice to just sit around with him, happy.

It was also nice to wake up in John's arms after our whole road to a relationship. It was nice not having to feel awkward to wake up pressed against him. I didn't have to worry about getting embarrassed about the close proximity like all the other times. We just gravitated to each other during the night so naturally. Maybe I should have taken that as a sign earlier.

John was still sleeping peacefully when my eyes fluttered open. I wasn't sure what time it was, but I had a feeling it was in the late morning. I stayed how I was, comfortable in his arms. My face pressed into his chest and my arms were trapped between our chests. I could feel his rhythmic, slow, steady, breathing and hear the way his heartbeat thumped against his ribcage. I would never get tired of that sound.

I inhaled deeply and tried to stretch without moving too much, as to not disturb his sleep. The smell emitting from him filled my nostrils. It was a mix between chocolate, laundry detergent, and boy. It probably sounded like a bad combination, but I loved it.

It wasn't long after that I felt his grip tighten around me and heard him take in a deep breath through his nose. This action pressed me further into his chest, almost constricting me. I didn't mind.

“Good morning.” I said softly, not moving from my position.

“Good morning indeed.” His already raspy voice was raspier, coated with sleep, “How long have you been awake?”

My finger reached out to trace the script on his chest, “Not that long.”

“Were you waiting for me to wake up so you could move?” His chin went to rest atop my head.

“No, I'm just really comfortable.” I felt him nod. We were silent after that.

From my room, I could hear my phone going off, but I stayed put and continued to trace the words inscribed in his skin.

“Are you going to answer that?” John asked in a low voice near my ear.

“I'm going to let it go to voicemail.” I replied.

“Are you okay?”

I nodded, keeping my eyes level with his tattoo, “I just don't want to face the real world again. I want to stay here, wrapped up in these blankets, under out shitty fort all day.” He chuckled and I finally finished every word permanently inked in his flesh.

“I would love to do that, but you have to work. And I really have to pee.”

I laughed, “If you ever plan on getting up, you have to let me go.” His arms unwrapped from around me Immediately I propped myself up on my left hand and used the other to grab the back of his neck. He was taken aback by my sudden forcefulness, but kissed back when our lips met nonetheless.

“Hot.” He smirked.

I rolled my eyes, but smiled anyways, “Go relieve your bladder, you goof.”

My phone was lying on my nightstand next to my bed, full of notifications when I finally got to it. One text was from Garrett, telling me to “use protection.” I rolled my eyes at his immaturity and quickly texted back “My vagina is bleeding, no need for protection.” Hopefully it would gross him out enough.

A text from Winter caught my eye, “I need to talk to you. Your shift is being covered until three. Come over before then!” I was confused; what could she possibly need to tell me that she had to tell me face to face?

“What's that look for?” I jumped at John's voice. I hadn't heard him walk in. I was probably too lost in my thoughts.

“Nothing.” I responded. My phone was back on my nightstand as I turned to face him. My arms folded themselves across my chest, “I don't have to go into work until three.”

“Great! That means we can still hide out from the world for a little bit more.” He advanced toward me with eyes gleaming. Seeing him so excited to spend time with me made my stomach do flips. Why would it excite him so much?

“I have to go over to Winter's before I go in. Do you want to go with me, see the baby?” I proposed and he immediately nodded.

“Yeah, definitely.” The gap between us closed after that. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I was, once again, pressed into his chest, “How are you feeling? Any better?”

I grinned because he cared, “Yes. I'm feeling much better.” I pulled away, “It must have been all of that chocolate.” I smirked which he returned.

“See, I know what I'm doing!”

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. My weight was pushed to the tips of my toes as I leaned up to kiss him, “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Babe.”

For the rest of the morning, John watched me get ready for the day. He lounged on my bed, looking through an old photo album he found on my bookshelf. So while I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, trying to get my bangs to brush forward, he was asking me questions about my family and high school experience.

“So, you actually dated Ryder?”

I shot him a look then went back to my hair, “It was fake.”

He laughed, “He just asked you one day to be in a fake relationship with him?”

I sighed, “No, not really. He was stringing me along. I didn't know until a few weeks later.” With agitation, I slammed my rat-tail comb down on the counter and moved on to makeup.

“What gave it away?” He asked sarcastically. He was finding it all very humorous.

I shot him another look, “Ryder wasn't as flamboyant in high school as he is now.” Once my makeup was set up on the counter, I walked back into my room, pealing my Radiohead shirt off as I went. John's eyes flickered up to me then back down at the photos in his lap. This didn't stop me from seeing the smirk form on his lips.

I was in my closet, looking for an outfit when he spoke again, “Who is this?” I turned away from the plethora of t-shirts hanging in front of me to John. He was holding the album, pointing to a picture I remembered fondly. With a small smile, I made my way to the side of my bed, not caring that I was only in a coral colored bra and a pair of Volcom lounge pants.

“That's Erika.” I smiled fondly at the memory of when the picture was taken. We were standing next to each other, covered in paint. Erika had asked me to help her paint her room one weekend and it just ended up with us in a paint fight. Her walls turned out pretty awesome, though.

“She's really pretty.” John admired and I agreed.

“She definitely was. She had the brightest smile and always had the mentality that things always work themselves out. She was never angry. She was such a beautiful girl.” John's slender arm snaked around my waist and he pulled me towards him, “I wish you could have met her.” I said sadly, leaning into his body.

Gently, he placed a tender kiss on my shoulder, “I wish I could have, too.”

Sadly, I sighed and sat down on the bed next to him. My arms wrapped around his waist, behind his back, “I miss her.” I said once I cuddled into his side.

His fingers lightly grazed my arm as he replied, “I'm sorry all of this happened.”

My eyes opened and looked up at him with watery eyes, “When it's your time to go, it's your time to go, right?” He frowned as he gently wiped the tears that fell. “God, I fucking hate crying.” I chuckled.

John's arms grasped onto me tightly while he chuckled, “It's only natural, Ladybird.”

We arrived at Winter and Milo's humble abode around a quarter to twelve, grasping each other's hands happily. We had lied in each other's embrace for a few more comfortably silent minutes before I unwound myself from his arms, claiming the pity party was over. I turned on “Wake Up” by Arcade Fire (Erika's favorite band) and danced around the room, singing obnoxiously loud. John had laughed, but joined in nonetheless. Sharing those feelings about Erika made me feel closer to him.

“I still can't believe you're wearing Converse.” John said as we walked up the pathway to my sister's house. He had been going on and on about my choice of shoes for the day.

I laughed, “Why?!”

“Because you're Sparrow. I've never seen you wear anything but heels and combat boots!” The way he was getting so worked up over something so small had me so very amused.

I smiled at him, “You're adorable.” I said before leaning up to peck his lips.

Winter was surprised to see John latched onto my hand when she opened the door, “Well hello Lead-Singer-John.” She smiled and I rolled my eyes.

John, on the other hand, looked confused. “That's the nickname my sisters gave you when we first me. It somehow stuck.” I explained, pulling him into the single story house my sister shared with her husband of two and a half years and their newborn daughter.

“Sadly, you guys aren't the first to give me that nickname.”

“Damnit, I thought we were being clever.” She smirked.

While we laughed, she led us into the living room, where Archer was lying on the couch, swaddled in a white and pink leopard blanket. I gasped, “You left your newborn daughter unattended on the couch?”

Winter shot me a weird look over her shoulder, “She's almost two weeks old, Sparrow. What is she going to do, roll off the couch?” She was being sarcastic, but I I shot her a glare.

My hand unlaced from John's as I made my way to the couch, “Come here, Babygirl.” I smiled as I picked up the bundle from the cushion and cradled her in my arms. Her big hazel eyes opened and she looked at me.

“Hi there, Little One.” I cooed. In response, Archer yawned and shut her eyes. My insides melted, “Winter, I'm stealing your child.” I said with all seriousness.

Winter looked at me in amusement as she collapsed in the loveseat across the room, “Oh, really?”

I nodded, determined, “Yup. We can take care of her, right, John?” I looked up to a laughing John.

“Babe, let's not get too attached.” He said as he sat down next to me.

I pouted and Winter laughed, “I like you and everything, John, but please do not get my baby sister pregnant.”

My eyes widened as I looked up from the sleeping baby in my arms, “Winter, we haven't even been together for a month. We're just trying to get passed all of the drama. Definitely no kids, yet. Or ever.”

“Don't try and act innocent. I know what you guys did in the back of your car.” My cheeks flamed in embarrassment. “Who are you guys kidding? You've been dealing with sexual tension since you met in October.”

John was laughing at her bluntness, but I didn't find any of it amusing, “So, why did you need me to come over?”

Instantly, she straightened up, “Well, I have some news for you, dear sister.”

My eyes narrowed at her, “What kind of news?”

“Milo got a job as an attending at a hospital in Chicago.”

I couldn't put what I was feeling into words. It was a mix of shock, sadness, excitement, and fright, “Wh-what?” I glanced at John with wide, sad eyes. In response, he squeezed my knee.

“Yeah, we're moving after Clover's wedding. Now since I'll be living in Chicago, I won't be able to manage the store, so you're going to take over once I'm gone.”

I blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice. “B-b-but – What?!”

“Sparrow, you did such an amazing job with the store when I was on leave. I know you can do it. I know you can run the store full time.” My head was spinning, “And eventually I'll open another one in Chicago, after Archer gets a little older.”

At the mention of the baby in my arms, I looked down at her. She was so small and helpless, much like how I was feeling. What was I going to do without Winter? All of my sisters were best friends, but Winter always had my back no matter what.

“Now that that's all out in the open, I have another surprise.” She got up from her seat, “I'll be right back.” She smirked, making me nervous. What did she have up her sleeve?

“A whole store, huh?” John said from next to me.

I glanced at him quickly then back down at Archer, “Yup.”

“You'll be fine, Ladybird.”

Winter returned then, with a brown box in her arms, “Please hand John my daughter so you won't drop her.” I raised an eyebrow in curiosity at her, but obliged with her request.

Once the sleeping girl was in my boyfriend's hands, I couldn't help but to admire the scene. The contrast of her tiny body and his big hands made her look even smaller. At one point, I heard him whisper a small “wow.” He was completely captivated by her.

“Okay,” Winter said, placing the box on the coffee table. Her hands moved to open the flaps, “I wanted to show you this the day Archer was born, but... Archer was born.” I watched, curiously as she pulled out white lace material. It took me a few seconds to realize that the material was a dress. A dress I designed.

It went to about mid-thigh and was a paisley printed lace. The sleeves were long and flared out starting at the forearm. It was one of my favorites.

“Wh-wha-how?!” I stuttered out, taking the dress from her hands.

“I was at the store a couple weeks ago and opened your sketchbook by mistake, thinking it was one of mine.” Her face softened, “Sparrow, you're really talented.” I looked up at her with tears in my eyes, “Why didn't you tell me you designed clothes?”

I shrugged, “That was always your thing.”

She leaned down and pulled me into a hug, “Spare, it doesn't just have to be my thing. You've always been into fashion and ahead of the curve.” She paused to take a breath and smile, “I want you to design clothes for the store.”

My mouth dropped, “Winter!” I exclaimed then glanced back at John with wide eyes. He was still holding Archer in his big hands, resting on his knees, but he was watching me. His eyes were showing curiosity, but the smile on his lips was encouraging.

“I know it'll be pretty difficult to do because I'll be living in Chicago, but we can have Skype calls.”

It was all so much to take in, and I was feeling overwhelmed, but in a good way, “I love you, Winter.” I said as I stood up and pulled her in for another hug.

“So, a whole store, huh?” John stated again, on our way to lunch.

We had spent a little while longer at Winter's before deciding it was time to leave. I was still overwhelmed by the idea of managing the store full time without Winter being down the street. And even though there was a slight panic settling in my chest whenever I thought about it, I knew I would be all right.

“Yup, a whole store.”

“And becoming a designer.” I nodded. I hadn't looked at him while he talked to me. I knew he wanted me to, but if I did, he would see how scared I was. “You never told me you designed clothes.” I shrugged, “How long have you been doing it?”

For the first time, I looked over at him, “A while.” He raised an intrigued eyebrow at me, “I did it a lot when Erika first died, to get my mind off of it. I had to do something to keep me preoccupied. I had to take all of that energy and put it towards something else. I found that I really liked drawing outfits and making them come to life. When I moved out of my parents' house, I stopped. My sewing machine was packed away in a box somewhere, I never found it.” I shrugged again, like it was nothing.

We were sitting in the parking lot of a New York Delicatessen where we were meeting Jared and Garrett for lunch. It wasn't that big of a place, but it was still good.

“So what made you start up again?”

I let a long breath out of my nose, “We weren't talking and everything with Landon happened.” I watched Garrett's little yellow car pull into the parking lot as I spoke, “Then you still wouldn't talk to me and everything with your friend. I was needing to focus my sadness on something else, so I brought out my sketchpad and started drawing. And I couldn't stop.” Jared and Garrett had driven together and were walking toward the door when I finished my story. “They're here.” I said with a soft smile.

John quickly turned and spotted his bandmates almost at the door of the restaurant. He must have been to absorbed in what I was telling him to notice anything else. It still freaked me out to think someone thought I was that interesting.

Grabbing my bag, I opened my door. We laced our fingers when we were close enough, and met the other two at the door.

“Good afternoon, Lovebirds.” Jared greeted.

“Did you have a nice reunion?” Garrett smirked.

“You obviously didn't get my text if you're asking me that.” I smirked back.

His brow furrowed as he pulled out his phone, all the while John was looking down at me curiously. I just smiled up at him. “Oh, gross! TMI, Sparrow! TMI!” I cracked up at his reaction while John and Jared looked at us with confused expressions. “Your girlfriend is a freak, John.”

John smirked this time, “Oh, I know.” With another laugh, I slapped his chest.

“All right, enough chatting!” Jared exclaimed as he opened the door.
---
Not until everyone got their sandwich and began eating did conversation begin flowing. I was half expecting them to jump into conversation about band stuff since they were nearing their world tour, but that wasn't the case.

“What are you guys going to do today?” I asked the three of them.

“I'm taking Lauren out on a date tonight.” Jared answered then took a bite of his sandwich.

“That's sweet of you.” I smiled at him.

“Yeah, Jared, that's cute.” Garrett teased then took a bite of his sandwich.

“Garrett, you really need a girl, Man.” Jared retorted.

Garrett, in response, rolled his eyes and continued to chew, “Been there, done that, not happening again for a while.”

“I think you're too comfortable with your right hand to consider getting yourself a girlfriend.” John spoke up.

Garrett narrowed his eyes at him and flipped him off before taking yet another bite.

I looked between the two of them and let out a sighed “anyways,” John stole a glance at me before I felt the fingers of his left hand lace with the ones of mine in my lap. “How long have you and Lauren been together?” I questioned curiously.

“Three and a half years.” Jared answered.

My eyes widened, “Good Lord.”

He laughed, “I know.”

“Well, good for you guys. You seem like you guys are still in the honeymoon stage.”

He smirked, “Like you and John?”

I felt my fingers being squeezed. I looked at the boy at my side and grinned, “Yes.” John leaned in and pecked my lips, making me smile.

“You guys make me sick.” Garrett mumbled.

“Hey Garrett,” He looked up at me, “don't overuse your hand too much tonight; you guys have practice tomorrow.” I smiled sweetly at him.

Jared and John immediately began cracking up, all the while Garrett just glared at me.

“John, your girlfriend sucks.”

John smiled, “Speaking of my girlfriend,” I looked at him curiously, “She's officially the manager of L'Amour's.” I rolled my eyes with a smile as the other two congratulated me, “That's not all! She's also designing clothes for the shop now.”

“John,” I chuckled, “I don't think they care.”

He shrugged, “Well, I do.”

I smiled adoringly at him, “Thank you.”

“Were Lauren and I this sickening?” Jared asked Garrett.

“No, you definitely were not. These two are grossly cute.”

“You guys are assholes.” John said to which I instantly agreed. They both snickered, but didn't say anything.

We all continued on eating our deli sandwiches in silence. The restaurant was busy like any other day at lunch time. It was in an industrial area, so it always got the business crowd. Plus, it was really good, so a lot of people enjoyed going there.

I was chewing a bite of my Italian meats sandwich when John, all of a sudden, perked up. Curiously, I waited for him to speak. “You guys are probably going to give me shit for this, but I don't give a fuck. I met baby Archer today.” The smile that spread across his lips instantly made me smile.

“That's Winter's baby, right?” Garrett asked and John nodded.

“Yeah, and I held her. Have you ever held a newborn baby? They're so small. It was amazing to think how not even a few weeks ago she wasn't breathing, but there she was today, her tiny lungs inhaling and exhaling air.” I watched him as he gushed about my niece.

The way he was talking about her reminded me of the phone call we shared when I got back from the hospital after Archer was born. And as he went on talking about her big hazel eyes and full head of hair, I couldn't help but think if we lasted until we were ready to have kids. I knew that wouldn't happen for a very long time, but I had the feeling that it would happen with him. And I was perfectly okay with that.