Always Something More

“So whats up?” He asked me as we kept on walking towards the pond, still with my hand in his.

“Oh nothing. You?” This was killing I wanted to know what he wanted to talk about.

“I had fun at lunch. Andy seems like a pretty chill guy.”

“I don't believe you.” I said quickly.

He was defiantly taken back by what I said. He turned his head quickly and looked at me. “What? What don't you believe?”

“I don't think you like him. If you did you wouldn't have been so rude at lunch today.” I said honestly.

He had a smirk on his face and looked forward again. “It doesn't matter what I think.” He said in a low kind of a monotone voice.

I stopped him and pulled on his hand for him to stop also. “John your opinion means a lot to me. It always have and it always will.” we were looking at each other, but he looked away and started to walk again. I followed but stayed quiet letting the subject alone.

“Why did you come out here earlier than you said?” I head John say.

“Oh um actually me and Andy got into a fight.” He looked down at me but I avoided his eyes.

“What did you guys fight about. You guys seem like the perfect couple.” He said with a laugh

“It doesn't matter. He's just stupid said the wrong thing.”

“Oh I'm sorry. Whatever he said, don't let it get to you. He probably didn't mean it.” Andy might not of meant it but it was all true. I hadn't slept with anyone since John and I wasn't ready for that. It didn't feel right.

“Yeah I guess your right. But like I said it doesn't matter.” I said.

He let the subject fall and we kept on walking and got closer to the pond. We sat on the oh so famous tree trunk. We looked forward out to the water and just watched the birds that would fly by and the tiny ripples in the water. A few moments had past until I turned towards John and just looked at him and was wondering what was going on in his head.

“So whats up? What did you want to talk about?” He didn't look at me yet, he kept looking forward and it seemed like whatever he wanted to say he was scared to say it. He looked at me and his eyes was full of sorrow.

“What?” I asked again.

“I'm going to propose to your sister.” he said slowly. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped. I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't know what I was feeling. So I did what I was best at, I fake a smile.

“Oh my gosh John, that's... awesome.” I didn't know what to say, I stumbled over my words trying to think of what to say.

“But I’m not sure.” he said softly.

“What? What do you mean?”

“I'm scared I'm making the wrong decision.” He said as he slowly looked over at me.

I gave him a confused look. How could he be making the wrong decision when him and Carmen were meant to be.

“Why would you be making the wrong decision? You and Carmen have been together for forever and you guys love each other.”

“Rae, I've always kind of wished I was with you. I mean I love your sister, but there's something about you that makes me go crazy.” He grabbed both my hands and as he laced are fingers together I looked down at our hands and how perfect they fit each other.

“No John, you can't do this. You love my sister, you've never wanted me. Whatever you're saying right now, you don't truly mean it.”

“Yes I do, I've always felt like this but I've always tried to push it aside because I know I'm in love with your sister.” He wasn't making any sense.

“Why are you telling me this? You like me, but you love my sister? Love is so much greater than liking someone. John just-” I stopped talking mostly because I didn't know what to say. I let out a small sigh and pulled my hands out of Johns grip.

“I'm telling you this now, out of all the years that I've liked you is because seeing you with Andy today at lunch made me wish it was me you were with. “

My hear was beating so fast, I felt like it would break through the skin. I was angry that he was telling me this, telling me this now. But I was happy that he finally said something. I was filled with tons of different emotions. But I've grown up and I guess my feelings for John have changed and I knew he was suppose to be with my sister. And the thought of that made me mad, John deserved someone so much better than Carmen, and she didn't deserve someone as amazing as John. I started to tear up, I looked back at John again and just shook my head from side to side slowly.

“I've been in love with you since that first day I met you. That day you, your mom and two brothers came over right after we moved in, and you there stood standing next to your mother, and I just fell in love with you right there and then. I've always wanted to be with you. I never understood why your with my sister to be honest. I always thought you should be with me, but it didn't work out that way, you picked my sister.” Streams of tears were running down my face, I couldn't help it. I had all these feelings for John and they were finally coming out.

“I remember that day we met, you were wearing a pink shirt with these two kittens on the front and over the two kittens it said 'Best Friends 4 Life', you were the cutest girl I had ever seen. I remember I always bugged Ross asking about you. I ask him if he could make sure he'd played with you at recess.” he let out a small like smirk and a laugh. “ I wanted to know everything about you, I wanted to be your best friend, so I made sure we became best friends. But once high school hit there was something about your sister.” tears were slowly but still running down my face as I heard him talk. “And it seemed like you and I were never going to be a thing so I went to your sister. I regret it.”

“You never made a move or showed any signs that you wanted to be with me before you and Carmen started to date. I've always wanted to be with you. I've always loved you John.” I started to yell out to him. “I always tried to make an us, but you ruined that and went to be with my fucking sister. And now you want to marry her. So go have a happy life with Carmen.” I kept on yelling at him. I stood up from where I was and walked down to the edge of the water. I heard him get up and moved to where I was.

“I'm sorry that it didn't work out.” He put his arm around me and pulled me in. And for some reason I put my arms around his waste and cried into him. I don't know why I was so emotional but it felt good to just cry and let it all out.

“Shh” he cooed , “please stop crying.” he said softly into my ear. I pulled away and looked at him through my tears.

“What was the point in telling me all this John? Your still going to be with my sister. If you really had strong feelings for me then we wouldn't be doing this right now.”

He paused and thought for a second. It wasn't to think of an answer but how to say his answer.“I wanted to tell you all this so you can change my mind, tell me that I'm not suppose to propose to Carmen and to be with you. I want you tell me that you love me and you want me.”

“I do want you John, I ruined my whole life to sleep with you because I was so in love with you. But I can't let you ruin my sisters life by telling you not to propose to her.”

“If you really had strong feelings for me then you'd be stopping me.” He said mimicking what I just said to him.

“That's totally different. I love John. I probably always will. But you and my sister were meant to be. I'm with Andy. You and I could have been something but it just didn't work out that way.” We both stayed quiet. We stayed like that for a while, just standing right at the edge of the water until I turned to him, got on my tippy toes put my right hand on his left cheek and gave him a kiss on his other. I whispered into his ear. “I love you but it's time to move on.” and I left him at the pond and went back home. He didn't come after me, he didn't yell after me he just stayed down there and let me walk away.

~

“Band practice at 11 at Garrett’s. Bring Andy.”

“Fuck!” I said to myself as I woke up to a text message from Kennedy. I didn't want to go over there and see everyone.

I got out of bed and went to the bathroom and fixed my hair. I walked down to the hallway and went into Andy's room. I crawled in under the blankets and laid by his side. He was laying on his back so I dropped one of my arms on his chest and propped my head on my other arm. He had some hair over his eyes so I swiped it away. He wrapped his arms around me and started to open his eyes up. I gave him a small smile which he returned.

“Good morning.” he said in a sleepy soft voice.

“Good morning.” I said softly as I sat up and paid attention to a string on my shirt.

“Babe, look what I said last night I didn't mean at all. I took it way to far and I shouldn't of said that. Please forgive me.” He brought my his hands to my face and cupped my cheeks and brought my face towards his so I was looking at him.

“If you want to wait then I'm fine with that, really, I just don't want to lose you.” I couldn't but to smile, he was to sweet.

I leaned in a gave him a small peck on the lips. “I forgive you.” I was still hurt but I didn't want to be in this stupid fight. I gave him one last smile before I got out of the bed.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Oh you got band practice in an hour so you should go get ready.” I said with a smile and walked out.

“With The Maine?” he yelled out. He was such a fan boy.

“Yes!” I yelled back out to him. I heard him get up and start to get ready as I went to my room to do the same.

I went to my closet and looked at my clothing options. I didn't feel like I needed to impress anyone so I picked out a pair of shorts and a simple tank top. As I was taking off my shirt I slept in my phone went off.

”Good morning Sunshine. Are you going to Garrett’s?” I smiled as I read the text from John.

I quickly responded, “Yes.”

a few moments passed I put on my shirt and was about to take off my shorts when he texted me back.

”Ok good, I need to talk to you again.” I let out an aggravated sigh. Didn't he do enough talking last night?

“John, no I'm done talking.” I simply said and then throw my phone onto my bed and finished getting ready. I went to the kitchen to find something quick to eat. As I was washing off an apple, Andy came strolling in with his guitar case in hand. I asked him if he was hungry but he said he was fine and with that we left and started to drive to Garrett’s house.

I knew perfectly where Garrett lived, so I thought it'd be easier if I just drove us there. The car ride was silent mostly because it was so early in the morning that we just didn't feel like talking, but my thoughts were somewhere else. Why did John want to talk again? Wasn't last night enough? And why did band practice have to be at Garrett’s house? By the time I snapped out of my thoughts we were already in front of Garrett’s house.

We were walking up to the house when I felt Andy snack his hand and found my hand. We both looked at each other and gave each other smile.

We got to the door and I felt weird just walking into a house that I probably wasn't welcome at anymore, so I rang the door bell and we waited until Garrett opened up the door for us. He gestured for us to come in. Once we were in, I gave Garrett a quick smile and looked at Andy.

“Andy this is Garrett.”

“Oh hey man, nice to meet you.” Andy said politely.

“Oh yeah hey, we quickly saw each other at the pond the other night but Rae rudely didn't introduced us. It's nice to finally meet you.” He said like it was no big deal, and gave me a smile. My eyes bulged out of my face and I instantly felt embarrassed.

“Well actually we were in a hurry to get back home.” Andy quickly said. This is why I love this boy. Garrett just nodded his head and we started to walk more into the house when Andy softly cursed.

“I left my guitar in my trunk I’ll be right back.” Before I could even say anything he left and it was just me and Garrett alone. I started to walk away when Garrett said something that totally shocked me.

“I'm sorry.” He said softly but still audible.

I stopped in my tracks and slowly looked at him. When I was facing him I said, “What?”

“I'm sorry for being such a jerk lately.” He ran his fingers through his short auburn hair and gave me an apologetic smile.

“Is there anything in particular you want to say sorry for?” I said maybe he'd apologize for the drunk phone call.

“Um I don't think so,” he said slowly trying to think if there was anything he should say, “ Should there be?”

I just rolled my eyes and started to turn back around. “I guess there's not, whatever,” I muttered under my breath. “But thanks for the apology.” and with that I started to walk away.

“Hey,” he said as he started to walk towards me and grabbed my shoulder so I could face him.

“What did I do wrong?” I just looked at him not sure if I should really get into this.

“It doesn't matter Garrett.” I pulled way from his grasp.

“Please, I don't want anything more between us.” I gave him a look like he was crazy for actually believing that. I stayed quiet again and this time Andy walked in and just looked between me and Andy.

“Hey is everything okay?” I nodded my head and gave him a smile.

“Oh yeah we were just talking about how Garrett called me drunk the other night. It was pretty funny.” I said faking a smile and just watching Garrett’s face fall and his eyes widened but he also faked a smile and a small laugh.

“Oh that sounds funny, Where are the other guys?” I bet Andy also felt the awkwardness and I wanted to get out of there.

“This way.” I said as I stuck out my hand for Andy to grab and we started to walk down the stairs to the basement where all the guys and Carmen were at.

As we got closer to the floor John hadn't noticed us coming down. I just watched as Carmen was in his lap, whispering in his ear and making him laugh and smile. But once he saw me him smile dropped and he told Carmen to get up.

“Hey Rae,” Kennedy said as he walked over and gave me a hug. “What up Andy.” Then he went over to Andy and did the universal guy hand shake.

Pat and Jared then came over and I did the usual intros but when it came to Jared, Andy was already prepared for this moment.

“Jared Monaco, it's so nice to meet you, your like a guitar god.” Andy said quickly acting like a fan boy.

Jared nodded his head and did a small laugh. “Hey man its nice to meet you. What-”

“I'm Carmen, Rae’s sister.” She rudely cut off Jared and Andy's conversation.

“Oh hey, it's nice to meet you.”

“Rae, you never said how good looking he was.” She said in a loud whisper so everyone still hear her. Everyone looked at each other surprised at how nice she was being.

“So anyways lets start practice.” John cut in and everyone nodded and went to their places and picked up their instrument.

There was one couch that sat in front of the 5 boys. I sat in the middle with Andy on my left and Carmen to my right I didn't want to be here at all.

The boys had run 2 songs by now and were doing their third song pausing every so often to make a change or a comment. Carmen leaned over to whisper in my ear.

“Andy is nice.” I looked over at her and gave her a skeptical smile.

“Why are you being so nice?” I said no believing her small nice act.

“What? I'm being truthful I think he's a nice guy. And I'm happy for you.” I still didn't believe her.

“Carmen I know your faking so whatever your doing you can stop.” I said and looked away from her.

“Actually your right, I could careless about Andy. All I care about is you staying away from John. As long as you are with Andy then you won't be with John.” She gave me such an attitude and a snobby smile. If only she knew that John was with me last night telling me about his feelings towards me.

“Whatever Carmen just stop your act, everyone knows your faking.”

We went back to to watching the guys practice. I couldn't help but to watch John sing his heart out. He would ever so often look over at me but then quickly look away or close his eyes. I wonder what he wanted to talk about or maybe he wanted to keep on talking about what we discussed last night.

“Does Andy know about your slutty mistakes?” Carmen whispered into my ear again. I just looked at her, she was starting to get angry.

“Yeah he actually does. So can you shut up now, I'm trying to listen to them play.”

“Does he still know that your in love with him and even though he's dating me?” She said in a nasty voice.

“Carmen I don't love John.” I half lied, I don't know what my feels really are for John. “So shut the fuck up.” I said a little to loud, okay maybe loud enough where the guys even heard me and stopped playing. I just looked at them and felt bad that I was so loud but she was annoying me. I got up and said a soft sorry and went up stairs.

I went to the kitchen and got some water and just stood up against the kitchen cabinet and sipped on my water thinking about everything that was going on. I wanted to leave this house, I wanted to be with Andy, I wanted John to well I don't know what I wanted John to do or say.

“Hey there you are.” His voice scared me but it was such a calm noise that it made me immediately clear my head.

“I'm sorry you have to put up with her.”

“I don't know why you choose to put up with her.” I said as he walked closer to me.

“She's not bad when its just me and her.” I guess that was a predictable answer to come from his mouth.

“What else do you want to talk about?” I said quickly, putting down my glass and focused on his green eyes.

“Oh yeah,” he became more serious and I got more worried. “me and the band got asked to go on tour and were actually leaving next week.” my stomach dropped when I heard this. They couldn't leave, and just leave me here. No, that wasn't how its suppose to be.

“No way that awesome. Congrats.”

He grew a smile, it was actually pretty cute. “Yeah thanks, were all pretty excited.” We both nodded our heads but we both knew that neither one of us were excited or happy.

“Was that all you wanted to talk to me about?” I asked. I mean I was glad he told me but I thought there would be more.

“Oh yeah I guess I don't know. I just don't want to leave on bad terms with you because I don't know when the next time I’ll see you and I just want you and I to be okay.” he said with worried eyes.

“oh yeah, I mean why wouldn't we be good. Were friends, just like always. What was said last night should be forgotten. None of that stuff matters now. You belong with my sister it's always been that way John. Even if you don't want to be with her, you and I would never work, it just wouldn't.” I said truthfully. It hurt to finally realize all of that but it was all true.

“I want it to work though.” there he went again.

“John, when will you-” and once I knew it Johns lips were on mine. I reacted quickly and moved my lips against his. The kissed was so passionate and filled with love and lust, it felt so right to be kissing him but at the same time it felt so wrong. We both pulled away realizing what had just happened and shock was written all over our faces.

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing would come out, I couldn't think of anything to say at a moment like this. He shushed me and shook his head,

“Don't say anything please just let it be.”