Always Something More

I helped Kennedy pick out a nice black button down shirt, he said he was going on a date with his girlfriend Gabby and needed something dressier than a fitted V-Neck. Afterwards we took Kennedy’s car and went to Chilis. The waitress said it’d take about 10/15 minutes till there would be a table, we decided to take it and wait in the car for the remaining time.
I knew the silence would disappear soon and he’d ask all the questions that I had already prepared for.

The silence was killing me, I knew we had to talk but I didn’t want to. But Kennedy was or is my best friend, I knew that when we talked we’d get passed everything and everything would be ok.

“So where do you want to start?” I looked over at Kennedy with curious eyes, I could see Kennedy’s brain racing with thoughts but didn’t know what to say.

“I didn’t actually mean for you to do it. I thought we were joking.” He let out a soft chuckle.

“I know but then I don’t know Kenny” I looked out the window “I just wanted one night to be with him and when we were joking it got me thinking and I know I took it to far.” I felt ashamed of myself. That night I became someone that I didn’t know, something took over my body and I wasn’t the sweet innocent little girl everyone knew.

“It was a really bad plan! You know that right?” I whipped my head and looked at Kennedy like I didn’t know that already.

“Yeah Kennedy I know, thank you for reminding me” I let out a huge sigh; I didn’t need to hear this.

“Alright I’m sorry I don’t want to get into a fight about this because I need you back in my life and you could use a friend in yours” we both let out a laugh and I’m glad everything was looking to be some sort of Okay with Kennedy again.

“Hey do you remember that night you and John went to see I think it was Say Anything a few years back?”

“Yeah how could I forget that night?” I asked rhetorically.

We were driving to the venue that was about 20 minutes away, in a comfortable silence, with what else but Say Anything playing in the background. I sang to the words with a smile on my face, I had all these thoughts going through my mind like what the crowd would be like, what the venue looked like inside, seeing hot musicians everywhere.

“I hope they play Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too and Woe” I kept on dancing in my seat.

“I bet they will” john looked over at me with a smile

“You better keep some of that excitement for the crowd.”

“Oh don’t you worry there’s enough for the whole night.” I gave him a small little wink with a smile.

We were getting closer to the venue; you could see the line starting to form with the tour buses, vans and trailers lined up on the side of the street.
We parked shortly and walked to the end of the line, it actually wasn’t that long since it was pretty late in the day.

We made small talk, he told me about a song he was working on, which surprised me since I didn’t know he was into writing. When I questioned him he got a tad embarrassed, scratching the back of his neck and looking down with a smile.

The Arizona sun was shining right on us but it felt nice I just hope I wasn’t getting red. I looked up at john and he looked like he was in a comfortable state, thinking about whatever he was thinking about.

“Hey John?” I asked softly.

“Yes my dear?” he looked down at me

“Why do you always hang out with me?” I knew that was a silly question but I was trying to be serious.

“Why are you asking? Do you not like hanging out with me? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?” I wish I could be with him every second of the day for the rest of our lives

“Yeah John I’m so embarrassed to be seen with you,” I let out a soft chuckle “no really, I heard you and my sister talked on the phone and she was complaining like usual about how you’re always with me.” I wasn’t sure if he’d be mad that I was listening to their conversation, I know Cameron would have a cow about it.

“Rae, you’re my best friend I love being with you, no matter what, it doesn’t matter if I’m dating your sister or not.” He said it with so much care and sincere.

“Don’t you ever feel weird that you’re hanging out with a freshman and you’re Mr. Cool, you need to keep your reputation.” I don’t know why I was asking all of this. I guess it was because the other day in school I saw him with all his friends standing by his locker and as I walked by, trying to be unnoticed, but of course John saw me and said hey, I gave him a smile and kept walking, I didn’t want to interrupt him and his friends and I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed by me.

“Well if I’m Mr. Cool then your defiantly Miss. Cool for hanging out with me” he flashed me a cocky smile, I knew what he was thinking, he was thinking I was crazy and I wasn’t making any sense.

“Rae I don’t care that I’m hanging out with a freshmen, age is just a number.” I wish that was really true. He’ll be going to college in a few years, and I’ll still be in high school, I know that we’d grow apart and he’d be with all his college friends, partying while I was still in high school trying to get out.

“Alright if you say so.” I gave him a fake smile “I think the doors are going to be opening up soon.” I changed the subject as quickly as I could. I didn’t want the subject to get any deeper than that; I wanted the night to be fun and not awkward.
----
The bands before Say Anything were kind of boring, no one in the crowd really got into them. John and I got up pretty close but we could have gotten closer, but I wasn’t going to complain.

The lights went out and the crowd went crazy, everyone squished up against each other leaving no space between anyone. I was screaming as loud as I could, the butterflies in my stomach were freaking out. John leaned down and said “Grab a hold of me if you ever need help” I nodded my head with a permanent smile on my face.

The band ran out and got to their spots, they started to play and then came out Max Bemis and went to the microphone. They started off playing No Soul, one of my favorites. I sang along and just stared at Max. The song came to an end, and Max was talking to the crowd, “How is Arizona Tonight?!” the crowd answered with a roar of screams and clapping.

The next song they played was Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too; I jumped up and down with excitement. John looked down and me and laughed at how crazy I was being. “Do you want to get closer?” John leaned down to my ear and asked I nodded my head eagerly. John grabbed my hand and looked around for a spot to go to. “Alright you ready?” I felt like this was a huge adventure, like we could get caught for what we were doing. “YES” I screamed back. He pushed through the crowd and we found a small opening for us, so we started to jump around and pushing a little, we weren’t trying to be mean; we were just trying to make some space for ourselves.

Several songs later they were done and walked off the stage. I was covered in my own and everyone else sweat, but at that moment I could of cared less. Everyone was cheering for an encore, John and I stood in our spots to see if they’d come back and play.
Max Bemis came out with an acoustic guitar and spoke into the microphone “this goes to my amazing wife Sherri, who is sitting in the back” I looked back and saw a young blonde with a huge smile on her face, you could tell she was in love.

“This song is called Crush’d.” He strummed his guitar and sang out with so much passion. This song was such a cute song, it made me want someone to write a song and perform it for me. I was glad that the crowd had calmed down and just listened.
John put his arm around my shoulders, as I looked up he was already looking down at me with small smile forming on this face.

“To be honest, I’m glad Garrett didn’t come” John pulled me closer to him “I’m glad it’s just you and me.” I didn’t know why john was saying this to me but I’m glad he did but I wasn’t sure if he was saying it as a friend or something more. At that moment I wanted to tell him the truth, tell him how in love I was with him, but I couldn’t. He lowered his head and kissed the top of my head “I love you Rae, you’re the best.” He murmured into my hair. The way he said it, made me think of how he was really saying it.

I didn’t respond simply because I didn’t know what to say. The way he hadn’t let go of me, the song that was playing, how everything and everyone in the room seemed to stop and it just became me and john; I didn’t want this moment to end.

They played a few more songs after that, but I wasn’t into it anymore, I could stop thinking about John and how I wish he honestly could say he loved me more than a sister. We went outside and tried to meet some of the bands. I met Max Bemis’s wife Sherri Dupree, who was the lead singer in one of the band that played, Eisley. It was starting to get late and colder so we decided to leave and go home.

Death Cab was playing in the background, there was a comfortable silence between me and john, and I was tired and hungry and didn’t feel like doing anything. My stomach grumbled and john looked over at me “So I’m guessing were stopping somewhere to eat?” “You were reading my mind weren’t you?” we both laughed. “Actually your stomach just texted me and told me she wanted some food.” He said nonchalantly “she always rats me out.” we just laughed and John kept on driving.

It was 2 o’clock by now and I didn’t think there would be anything open but by my surprise a small 24 hour diner was open. I didn’t think it would be nice inside but it actually had some class to it.

The waitress across the room told us to sit where ever we wanted, so we went to the back and sat by big open window.

“Thanks for everything John, tonight have been amazing, I can’t thank you enough” I was truly thankful for everything. “I don’t think I would have had this much fun with someone else.” John knew how to make everything fun, no matter what the situation was.

“I had a lot of fun to, I’m glad it was you I went with.” His eyes have never looked so green and his smile was just contagious, I couldn’t help but smile. I looked away; I felt my cheek burn up.

We left the diner around 3:30; john didn’t want either of us to be in trouble for going home so late.

The drive was short and we were at my house, I didn’t want to get out and have this night be over.

“Well Mr. Oh tonight was incredible, thank you again.” I leaned in to hug him but instead John kissed me, I didn’t react at first but then it came to me what was happening; I was kissing John not like what happened when I was younger but actually kissing him. We pulled away, shock and surprise was written all over our faces.

“Oh my godsh, I’m so s-sorry” he tensed up and looked forward towards the road.

“It’s ok John, really.” I started to open up the door to get out. Before I closed the door I leaned over “have a good night John, drive safe.” he nodded his head and kept looking forward.

This whole night was amazing, to amazing. I couldn’t tell Carmen what happened, she of course would freak out and then I started to think about Garrett and how he’d react. But nothing could bring me down, I was so happy. I turned around and watch John drive off, I stayed there until I couldn’t see his car anymore, I was wondering what he was thinking. Was he freaking out? Was he happy he kissed me? Nothing could bring me down right now.

I looked up at Kennedy with a confused smile “why do you ask?”

“That night after he dropped you off he drove to my house and he” he looked over at me with a serious face “he came to my house and before he said anything, I already knew what he was going to say, you could see it in his eyes and his smile.” He then looked down at his hands “as he talked about the night he mostly talked about you, I’m pretty sure he didn’t even mention anything about the concert its self. Just you.”

I smiled to myself; I remembered that night, that night changed a lot between me and john for good and for worst. I remember how happy I was that he kissed me. That was the first night I thought John could have had something for me, but I told myself no he could of, but I guess I was wrong. I didn’t know what to say to Kennedy, all I wanted was to scream in excitement but then I remember that, that kiss happened 4 years ago, I left and he moved on and was still with my sister.

“We should probably go in; they probably have a table for us by now.” I didn’t want to talk about that night.

“I thought you’d be happy to hear that” I put on my jacket and got my purse together so we could go into the restaurant but Kennedy instead watched my every single move I was making.

“Rae listen …” I cut him off “No Kennedy, I don’t want to hear this, and I can’t. That night happened to many years ago and things have changed. John is in love with my own sister not me. “I felt tears forming in my eyes and my face getting red.

“That’s the thing, he might act like he loves your sister but he wants you in his life.” He gave me a hopeful smile but I know the facts that he didn’t have.

“The night before I left when well y-you know, he told me he wanted me but he loved my sister and wanted to marry her one day and you know what, I bet that one day is coming up soon.” I turned my head away from Kennedy to look out the window and watch the cars and people go by.

“Rae look at me” I obeyed and looked at Kennedy kind of embarrassed that I was crying. I hated when people saw me cry, it made me cry even harder and made my face even redder. “John loves you. Ever since that night after the concert I saw it. That kiss he gave you meant so much more than you think.”

I was actually getting angry now. I didn’t want to hear this. I wanted to hear this 2 years ago before I left. Before I messed up my life. And I liked Andy now. John was just some boy that I had a crush on when I was younger, he wasn’t important anymore. I shook my head “NO! Kennedy just- Just shut up!”

I heard what John said to me hours before I left “I want you, but I love your sister.” John didn’t love me he just “wanted me”.