Always Something More

I looked over at my clock and it read 9:13 a.m. I laid in bed trying to wake up. I looked out my window and it looked like it was going to rain, which would be nice since it had been pretty hot and dry lately.

I stared to get out of my bed when I heard my dad tell Carmen to wake me up. I heard up go up a few of the stairs and yelled “wake up slut!” I just smirked to myself, “I’m up!” I went to the bathroom and fixed my hair.

It was Saturday, and it was kind of weird that both Carmen and my dad were home, but I bet Carmen was going to be leaving soon anyways.

I walked down the stair and went straight to the kitchen. My dad was sitting at the table with his daily newspaper and a cup of coffee, and Carmen was sitting next to him eating her breakfast.

“Good morning” I said cheerfully. Like I told myself every day, today was a new day, so I decided to try to get on both my dad’s and Carmen’s sides. “Does anyone need anything while I’m up?” I looked between the both of them waiting for an answer while I poured myself some chocolate soy milk. “No honey I’m fine.” My dad mumbled, it seemed like he was focus on reading a news article.

“Carmen? Anything?” I gave her a smile that she didn’t see since she never looked up at me. “Yeah, actually could you,” she was saying this so sweetly it made me happy “go pack your bags and run back to mommy?” but it faded and so did my smile. “John told me he saw you at the pond last night.” She took her eyes off her food and glared at me “did you make him go there and swim with you?” of course she would make this into something that didn’t happen. “I was there first, he insisted on me staying, so I did. John’s my friend also. And he’s a big boy and can make his own decisions.” We didn’t take our eyes off each other. I crossed my arms and Carmen got up from her seat and came over to me. “And what’s that suppose to mean?” she got pretty close to my face “I’m just saying he can do whatever he wants, he can think for himself.” I gave her such a mean smile. “Yeah, well you’re the one who…” “Okay girls!” we both looked over at our father who put down his newspaper and gave us a stern look. “Now stop this right now. Rae go get ready for the day or something.” Of course he would make me leave. He always sided with Carmen more than me. I stopped what I was doing and went back to my room. It might have been childish but I slammed my door shut. It’s all I could do to show my frustration.

I checked my phone and it said one new message

Andayyyy. Saturday June 25, 2011, 9:45 a.m.

Good morning. I posted another video on your wall for you. Hope you like it. :]

I quickly gave him a response saying I would check it out now.

I went to my face book and it was the first thing on my news feed. He was in the same position as last time, with his guitar in his lap. He was wearing a black t-shirt with some kind of black and white graphic on it, and of course a beanie. Andy had about a million and one beanies. Every day he wore one, but it just fit him, I couldn’t really imagine him without one on. Of course during school he’d have to take it off but it just looked weird. You could tell he felt more comfortable when he was wearing one of his beanies. He smiled at the camera and started to saying “it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other and I miss you like crazy. Hopefully I can come down soon.” He flashed a smile and set up his guitar and started to strum and look into the camera. “I walk the tightrope on my way home You're my backbone I know you're somewhere close behind me I walk the fault line in a dirt field in the spring time I feel the wind start to remind me of you And the sweet talk on the sidewalk It's true All I know is” my cheeks started to hurt from all the smiling I was doing. His voice was so raspy but soft and caring. If I could I would marry his voice. “ All we have is what's left today

Hearts so pure in this broken place 'Cause we are, we are, we are Who we are, we are, we are Lovers lost in space We're searching for our saving grace And I still remember how your lips taste on holidays You leave in December what can I do to make you stay Cos we won't fade away We’ll find peace while others change And I know your somewhere close behind me And it's true Oh, The sweet sound in the background It's you All I know is All we have is what's left today Hearts so pure in this broken place 'Cause we are, we are, we are Who we are, we are, we are Lovers lost in space We're searching for our saving grace”

“There still needs to be some more work to it, but yeah, I hope you like it. Talk to you soon.” And he turned off the video. I turned the video into an MP3 and put it on my iPod and replayed the song over, along with the other song he posted on my wall a while ago.
I was getting ready for the day; I changed into some jeans and black v-neck. Before I left to come to Arizona I was hanging out with Andy and I stole one of his beanies. It was a royal blue Neff beanie.

I was putting on my make up when I saw Carmen walk into my room. “Ugh this is such an old song. Why are you listening to it?” of course she would complain about my music and try to get into a fight. “Oh, I’ve never heard it until my friend Andy posted a video of him covering it on my face book wall.” I finished up putting my eyeliner one and went to my computer to turn it off. “So you don’t know who originally does this?” I shrugged “No why does it matter?” it didn’t matter at all; it was just music, my music which is why she was probably getting distress about it. “Oh I guess it doesn’t.” and she left. She was the most random and complicated person ever.

I remember when we use to be best friends. We might have been 3 years apart but that didn’t stop us from doing everything together. We told each other our secrets; we were there for each other when the other was down. Some nights when there was a storm outside, I’d go to her room and sleep with her. Being with her made me feel at home. We both understood how each felt when our mother didn’t see us as her daughters, but I think when I moved back in with her it just hurt Carmen. When I first moved out there I called my dad and Carmen just to tell them that I was doing well and Carmen didn’t even want to talk to me. It hurt and I knew that I had messed up on everything, on our friendship. I wish that we could have stayed in contact because there were moments where I wish she was there so I could tell her about my problems.

I heard the door bell ring, and all the boys came in. I wanted to go down there but I knew it wasn’t a safe zone. But my gut told me that I should still try and give it a chance. I was done running away, if someone wanted to talk to me about everything, I would because I wanted to move passed it.

“Do you know what Rae was listening to?” I heard Carmen kind of whisper to someone but she’s a bad whisper since I heard her. John gave out a small laugh “she was listening to Into Your Arms the other day.” I didn’t understand why what I was listening to was such a big deal. Was it because they liked the song I wasn’t allowed to like it? That was ridiculous.

“Yeah and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know who it’s by.” They all laughed, I started to feel embarrassed, and I didn’t understand what was going on. They kept on talking about it but I couldn’t hear it since they went into the kitchen.

I went down to the kitchen, kind of slowly. This was my house I should be able to feel comfortable in it, but at this moment I didn’t. John, Kennedy, Garrett and Pat were all sitting on a bar stool as Carmen leaned over the counter. They all hushed up when they all saw me. I gave them a small smile and went to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water. When I turned around they all were just staring at me, I started to feel awkward.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” John and Kennedy gave me half smiles and Garrett looked away and Carmen was more interested with her nails. “We were just talking about a concert this weekend, you should come.” Everyone looked over at John in amazement. Carmen gave him a little slap on the shoulder and told him to stop it.

“Oh cool, who’s playing?” I knew who ever was playing I wouldn’t be attending. “ The Maine, This Century and Austin Gibbs,” I’m glad I didn’t know any of those band, so I wouldn’t feel so bad that I wasn’t going. “It’s a home show; all those bands are from here.” I gave them all a nod “oh sounds fun, do I know anyone in the bands?” they all gave a laugh, it seemed like they were playing a joke on me. “You know Jared? Jared Monaco?” I nodded my head “yeah he’s in The Maine; he’s one of the guitarist.” Jared was finally in a band? I was so proud of him for that; he was an insane guitar player. While I was home, he taught me how to play a few chords but I wasn’t that good at it. “Oh wow, that’s amazing. Maybe I’ll come and see him.” They all smiled at me beside Carmen who looked annoyed. The conversation died there and it started to get awkward again so I left. Maybe a concert would be good for me.