Status: On hiatus - don't know if it'll ever be finished tbh
Fat
Thursday January 25
Mother was asking me all these questions today. About the boy I ran into yesterday at the shopping centre. I thought I had managed to get away with the dazed expression and the non-committal answers to her questions yesterday, but obviously not. As soon as I came downstairs this morning to eat the pancakes that I would throw up later Mother began questioning me.
“Who was that boy yesterday?” Only one of the most gorgeous creatures on the planet.
“Did you know him?” I wish.
“Why were you staring at him?” Because he’s incredibly, insanely beautiful.
“Is there something you need to tell me, Caleb? You know that I’ll love you no matter what...”
I knew what she was heading at there. There is no way I am going to tell her that. She will tell Father, and Father will not love me no matter what. I came to realise when I was figuring out my sexuality that Father is not tolerant of gay people. One time we went out to dinner to celebrate a promotion for his job and there were two boys at the restaurant who were obviously on a date.
When he saw them kiss, he began whispering furiously in Mother’s ear. I could only hear a few words:
“Disgusting”
“Filthy”
“...sent straight to Hell”
“Despicable”
Those words made me decide not to tell my parents. I was going to tell them that night, during dinner. I’ve kept it secret from them for nearly 2 years now. I think the only way I’ll tell them is if I’m not living at home anymore. Once I’m self-sufficient, I’ll tell Mother. But I denied everything she asked me today. I hope she believed me.
“Who was that boy yesterday?” Only one of the most gorgeous creatures on the planet.
“Did you know him?” I wish.
“Why were you staring at him?” Because he’s incredibly, insanely beautiful.
“Is there something you need to tell me, Caleb? You know that I’ll love you no matter what...”
I knew what she was heading at there. There is no way I am going to tell her that. She will tell Father, and Father will not love me no matter what. I came to realise when I was figuring out my sexuality that Father is not tolerant of gay people. One time we went out to dinner to celebrate a promotion for his job and there were two boys at the restaurant who were obviously on a date.
When he saw them kiss, he began whispering furiously in Mother’s ear. I could only hear a few words:
“Disgusting”
“Filthy”
“...sent straight to Hell”
“Despicable”
Those words made me decide not to tell my parents. I was going to tell them that night, during dinner. I’ve kept it secret from them for nearly 2 years now. I think the only way I’ll tell them is if I’m not living at home anymore. Once I’m self-sufficient, I’ll tell Mother. But I denied everything she asked me today. I hope she believed me.