Fat

I just stayed in bed yesterday and slept and, when I wasn’t sleeping, cried. I'm so glad it was the weekend. I was so nervous about going back and facing Jake, because I knew he would either try and get to the bottom of why I was being sick or not talk to me ever again and make school completely miserable again and I just… I just wouldn’t have been able to handle it yesterday.
I didn’t handle it well today either.

I asked Mother if I could stay home again today because I still felt sick, but she wouldn’t let me.

She said, “Go to school, and see how you feel. If you still feel sick after a couple of hours, you can come home, okay?”

I wanted to argue with her; in fact, I did, up until she literally pushed me out the door and slammed it shut behind me. I had tears in my eyes as I walked down my driveway, but quickly wiped them away, and concentrated on not hyperventilating while I was on my way to school. I actually felt really dizzy as I was walking, and it took me a while to realise that while I was arguing with Mother, I didn’t have a chance to eat breakfast. It scares me how happy that made me.

It took me longer than usual to walk to school, for some reason. Maybe it was because I was feeling lightheaded? I don’t know. But as soon as I stepped foot in the gate, the bell rang, so I sped up a little bit to join all the other people entering the hallways towards their roll call rooms.

I was looking down at the ground so I didn’t trip over anything when I ran into someone. I was breathing heavily because I felt like I was going to pass out any second, but as soon as I heard the voice say my name in a surprised tone, my breath hitched. I kept my gaze at my feet.

“Caleb? Why did you run off on Friday? I wanted to talk to you”

I kept silent. Jake sighed loudly.

“Cale, would you please look at me?”

I finally looked up and saw that his face wasn’t angry, just concerned, although I really don’t understand why someone as amazing as Jake would be concerned about me. I’m nobody.

“What’s wrong? Were you really sick? Can I help with anything?”

Too many questions.

I stuttered pathetically, “I-I am r-really sick, okay. I d- I just – I can’t…just…” I don’t even know what I was trying to say.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“N-no I don’t w-want any help I just…I d-don’t want…No I…”

I was talking rubbish. I had no idea what I was saying. Everything around me was going dark and I couldn’t hear properly. I could barely feel myself falling, but when I felt a pair of hands grab me, it startled me and I tried to fight them off. They held me tightly though, and kept me upright and eventually my sight and hearing came back. I was shaking and sweaty and disoriented, but still acutely aware of the hands holding me up.

“I…I…”

Whoever was holding me didn’t let me talk, as they cut me off.

“Come on, Caleb, I’m taking you home. You can’t be here while you’re sick. Jake –”

I didn’t listen to what they said to Jake, I just concentrated on breathing right.
That worked for a minute while the person who caught me was talking to Jake, but when I felt an arm slip around my back and a hand hold me under the ribs, I freaked out. No way am I going to allow someone to feel the flab under my t-shirt. I tried to push the person away and they let go in slight shock. I looked up at the person in horror. It was Lucas, looking back at me with a confused expression. I nearly fell over again from dizziness. He caught me again, and did the same thing as before, this time not letting me push him away, and led me out to his car, holding practically all of my weight, even though it must’ve been a huge struggle.

When I was put in the passenger’s seat and Lucas was sitting in the front seat and about to drive out of the school gates, I tried to talk.

My voice sounded so weak. “Y-you…I…drive… home?”

I have no idea how he knew what I was saying, but he answered with a slight laugh:

“Yes, Caleb, I have my licence. Now, don’t talk, I’m driving you home, okay?”
“But…how d-”
“What did I just say? Jake found your address on a card in your wallet, okay? I haven’t been stalking you. Is your mum going to be home?”
I shook my head tiredly, she was meant to leave for work a few minutes after I left.

“Okay. Relax, Caleb” Lucas said quietly.
I’m pretty sure I fell asleep, because when I woke up, I was in my bed and Mother was sitting beside me. I fell asleep again almost immediately after. I’ve only just woken up. It’s 11:48pm. I missed dinner! But I still feel dizzy. I need more sleep.