Fat

I know now why Mother and Lucas were acting oddly yesterday, which is a relief. It wasn’t anything bad, which is what I was fearing. It was actually really good, but the only thing that annoyed me was that Lucas wouldn’t tell me what was going on when he was driving me away from the prison hospital, even though I asked him and begged him a million times. He just kept saying that I should wait and see. It’s frustrating beyond belief, let me tell you.

Lucas drove us to a house I’d never seen before. It was a creamy coloured medium-sized two-storey house with a white picket fence surrounding it. I was a bit confused when he slowed down and parked in the driveway because I thought he was taking me to my home not…someone else’s home.

Lucas just walked up the driveway and straight into the house without knocking or anything. I could faintly hear some sort of pop music coming from somewhere inside, but I couldn’t tell where. Inside the house was immaculate. I honestly could not see a speck of dust anywhere and I just gazed around with my mouth open like an idiot.

“My mum’s a bit of a neat freak” Lucas said, smiling down at me and taking my hand.
“This is your house?”
“Mhm. Come on, everyone else is out the back” he said, and led me through the house, ignoring me when I tried to ask what was going on again.

When Lucas took me out to the backyard, where the music was much louder, there wasn’t anyone there and I opened my mouth to ask again what was going on. I didn’t get to say anything though, because a whole heap of people jumped out from behind various plants screaming things I couldn’t really understand because they all said different things.

Jake ran up to me and hugged me, squeezing really tight and hurting me, which he realised when I started squirming.

“Sorry” he said, and stepped back so the others could gather around. Andi and Mel hugged me gently at the same time.

“Oh God, Caleb! You’re so tiny, honey” Andi said. I wanted to disagree with her, because I know I’m not, but Lucas spoke before I could.

“He’s putting weight on, though. You’re 43 kilos now, aren’t you Cale?”
I nodded, and tried to smile, but honestly, I just felt awful.

Sammy, Daniel and Alex stepped up then, and said ‘hi’, but there was one person who didn’t move at all. When I glanced up at her, Jake noticed and moved away from me to stand beside her.

“Cale, I think you know Alexis? My girlfriend?”

My heart dropped to my stomach. I was right to worry. It’s the same Alexis I was thinking of when Jake first told me his girlfriend’s name. She’s well known for being a… I don’t like this word, but… a slut. She better not hurt Jake, that’s all I can say. He seems so happy right now though. Every time I looked over at him when he was around her, he had a huge smile on his face. I’m still wondering if I should tell him I saw her flirting with Daniel when he went to the toilet. I asked Lucas if I should after when we were sitting in his bedroom, and he told me to leave it. Then he kissed me hard, and I forgot about all about it.

We kissed for a long time last night. It actually scares me how close Lucas and I came to…um…

I think if it wasn’t for his cold hands on my stomach making me jump, and shocking me out of my daze, we could’ve gone a lot further than I think I’m ready for. I really like Lucas but I’m not ready for him to see what’s under my clothes, especially since I still look disgusting.

He was fine when I told him to stop. He just smiled gently at me and said, “Too soon, baby?” and just kissed me lightly on the mouth when I nodded. He’s so perfect. And I can’t believe he organised that party for me. I even ate two slices of pizza, which I think made him really happy. It just made me feel sick. I wanted to throw up, but Lucas looked so proud of me for eating, so I didn’t.

Lucas and everyone else are at school right now. I don’t go back til next week. He’s coming over after school for a little while though, which is good. I miss him when he’s not around. He makes me happy.

I think I love him…?