Please Be All Mine

I should literally be shot. And Gerard should be the one to do it. Yes, I lied again. It’s just really, really hard not to spy. You know what, I blame Gerard. If it weren’t for him I never would have started spying. There was just something about watching someone without them knowing. Anyways, I was currently watching Frank. Even though we were all friends, there was still something about him that made me want to spy on him. Grr. I shouldn’t be doing this. I placed my face in my hands. Why am I so stupid?

I took my face from my hands and looked back at Frank. Shit. He had just been looking over here. I started to panic. Did he see me? My hands started to feel cold. I went towards the wall at the end of the bookshelf. I sneaked a look through the books toward Frank. Well, if he had seen me he wasn’t showing it. I let out the breath I had been holding in. I rubbed my temples and looked at my feet. That’s what I get. I shouldn’t be doing this. I promised Gerard. I placed my arms back at my side and looked up.

I almost had a fucking heart attack. Frank was standing about a foot away from me. Frank smiled.

“I thought I saw you back here,” Frank said. “Is Gerard here today?”

I shook my head.

“No,” I said. “He’s sick.”

“Oh,” said Frank.

“So what are you doing back here?” Frank asked.

“Just looking around for a book,” I said.

“Oh,” said Frank, seeming to buy it. “Find it?”

I raised my hands to show him they were empty.

“Nope,” I said. “They don’t have it.”

“That’s too bad,” said Frank. We just stood there now, Frank staring at me. I was pretty sure he was moving ever so slightly closer to me, but it was hard to tell.

It was more obvious Frank was moving closer to me when he was just a few inches away from me. His hand reached towards me, cupping my face slightly. He moved my face gently forward and met my lips half way to his. At first, I returned the kiss, but then Gerard’s face popped up in my head and I pulled away quickly.

“I can’t,” I said, adverting my gaze from Frank’s.

“Yes you can,” said Frank. “You can do whatever you want.”

I looked back at Frank. His hand had come to rest on my waist. He started to lean toward me for another kiss. I let him kiss me again. But again, I thought of Gerard.

“No,” I said, pulling away. “I can’t do this. I’m with Gerard.”

Frank removed his hand from my waist.

“If that’s what you want,” he said. He turned and went back to his table, leaving me alone to hide behind my bookshelf. I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor. I drew my knees to my chest and buried my face in my hands, crying silently. I didn’t know what I wanted.