If I Die Young

I did all of my school shopping and got all of the supplies I would need for the begining of the year. It was Senior year, so I wasn't going to need that much. I took most of my main classes I needed to take my first three years. So this years was going to be pretty easy. I was taking mainly electives, and only a few core classes.

When I got to Starbucks, I saw that Brian wasn't there yet. So, I ordered my usual drink, then went and grabbed a seat. Luckily, there weren't very many people here today, so I got the two sofa seats near the window. It was the perfect view of the street; I loved to people watch.

About ten minutes later, Brian came through the doors and walked over to me. "Sorry I'm late, I got stuck longer than I thought I would on some things," he said, sitting down next to me.

"It's okay," I said, shrugging, not really in a hurry for anything. "So, what's up?"

He sighed, sitting back in the chair. "It's a few things, Soph." I simply gave him a questioning look. "First, what's going on with you and Johnny?" Oh, I should have known...

"Honestly, I'm not so sure, Bri. He's always been a really close friend, but lately things seemed to have changed. He's the one that said he doesn't want to rush me into anything, and I agree with him. So, as of right now, we're kind of in limbo, I guess you could say."

He nodded his head, trying to process everything. "Well, I'm glad that he said that, and I'm proud of you for agreeing."

"What do you think I am, Bri? Some boy crazed, teenage girl?" I scoffed. "Yes, I'm attracted to the opposite sex, but I'm not going to just jump into bed with a rockstar. Even if he is one of my friends."

"I didn't mean it like that, Sophie," he said, trying to defend himself.

"Then what did you mean it like?" I challenged.

Looked at me and his eyes softened. "You're my little sister, I just want what's best for you. Plus, I don't want you to get hurt. Yes, Johnny is a great guy and would probably treat you even more like a princess than he already does now. But, at the same time, I don't want something to possibly happen and you end up heartbroken. You've been through enough already at such a young age."

"Bri, I'm glad you're being a big brother and being concerned about me, but you really don't have to with this. Yes, I've been through a lot this last year, but I've gotten through it. As for Johnny, if something were to go wrong and I did end up heartbroken, yes it would suck. But, it would also just be another life lesson for me," I said, shrugging. I took a deep breath, before continuing. "I don't want a chance with an amazing man pass me by just because you're afraid of me getting hurt. Bri, you're my big brother and I love you with all my heart... But there's some points where you just have to let me live." I was really hoping I was getting my point across to him.

He nodded slowly. "I guess it's just hard for me to realize that you've grown up so much... My natural instinct is to protect you, even from one of my best friend's. I doubt he would ever intentionaly hurt you, but that doesn't mean my protectivness will go away."

I smiled, shaking my head. "You can keep your protectivness all you want. Just don't let your asshole side come out because of it. That's when we're going to have major issues."

"I'm sorry, Sophie. I haven't meant to be an asshole lately. There was just so much going on in such a small amount of time," he sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Sometimes I just get so worried about you, but I don't know exactly how to communicate it."

"If you just try to talk to me, Bri, we can figure things out together. I'm not used to you being an ass and it really hit me hard. You're my big brother, I've always looked up to you, and have gone to you for protection. But with you suddenly pruposing to Michelle, then acting like a total dick... It really threw me for a loop."

"Like I said, I'm really sorry, Soph. I admit, I've handled a few things wrong since I've been back, but I want to change them... I don't want to lose my little sister." I could have sworn I started to see a little bit of water gathering in his eyes.

I got up and went to sit in his lap. "You'll never lose me, Bri," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I'm here to stay, you'll never be able to get rid of me."

He laughed, and kissed my cheek. "I would never want to get rid of you." He ran his hand over my cast, before looking back to me. "I talked to Dad," he said softly.

I nodded, knowing I couldn't avoid this conversation with him anymore. "It's okay, Bri. I'm going to go through the radiation and get things taken care of. Just like the first time, I'm going to take this thing head on, I'm not running away from it."

"God, I love how strong you are. I know inside you're probably scared shitless, but you aren't going to let anyone see that on the outside," he said, admiringly. "I'm so proud of you, Baby Girl." I laid my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me. "I'm here for you for whatever you need. You know no matter what time, what day, or anything I'm always here. I'm not going to be half way across the world this time."

We sat in a comfortable silence for a while, before I just had to ask a question that was gnawing at me. "Bri, why didn't you tell me you were going to ask Michelle to marry you?" I asked quietly.

"You know, I really don't know, Soph. I think I was just so caught up in my own head, that I didn't even think about saying anything. I had talked to the guys about right before we had come home from tour, and I knew I had wanted to talk to you about it when we got home. But, that's when I found out you were sick and things just got lost for a little bit." I nodded understandingly. "Then, when I saw what was starting between you and Johnny, something just went off in me. I know I had no right to act like that. You don't know how sorry I am," he said, shaking his head. "But, I do want you to be as much a part of this wedding as you can be. It's one of the happiest times of my life."

I smiled at him. "Of course I will, Bri. You know I love Michelle, and I'm really happy you guys are getting married. I just wish it wouldn't have been such a surprise for me as it was for everybody else."

"I know, Soph, I'm sorry. I promise, no more secrets," he said, holding up his pinky. I laughed, wrapping mine around his.

Things felt better between the two of us and it felt like a weight was lifted off my chest. My brother was my rock. He probably had the biggest influence on me in my life. Without him, my life just seemed off. I wouldn't be able to handle it if things weren't okay between the two of us. I need my brother in my life, just as much as he needs me in his.