Status: done comment please! =)
Jamison's Wish
It's raining.
There was a knock on the door, and I reluctantly peeled myself from the couch where I hadn’t left since visiting Jamie at the hospital now 5 hours ago. I looked in the mirror, looking back was a worn and tired little girl that I didn’t recognize, bags under her eyes, tear stained cheeks. What little makeup I had put on this morning was washed away. I tried my best to not look like it was the end of the world before walking slowly to the door.
“What are you doing here?” I said looking up at the man I was in love with but knew I couldn’t have. His hair a mess curls sticking up every which way like he hadn’t combed it in the past two weeks, his face like he hadn’t shaved, his eyes heavy like he hadn’t slept.
“I just . . . Damn it Kelly I love you. I’ve been playing for shit lately and you’re why . . .”
“Wow thanks! I’m totally the reason that you are playing horribly” I said throwing my hands up in the air. “What is this let’s throw another thing on Kelly’s shoulders week?”
“Would you just listen to me?”
“No Sid! No. I can’t just listen to you. You shouldn’t even be here. I told you that we can’t do this anymore.”
“You never told me why Kell!”
“If you’re going to keep yelling at me Sid then leave alright, I don’t need this. Hell you really don’t need the unwanted press. . .”
“Screw the press! Kelly I want you, I need you. I can’t go 5 minutes without thinking about you.” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. “Tell me why Kelly please tell me why you suddenly decided to break things off with me? I think I deserve some sort of explanation” he said holding onto my shoulders.
“Exactly Sid! You deserve, so much more than what I can give you! You deserve a girl who is going to wait for you to get home from an away game, a girl who doesn’t have a million other things to think about, not a girl with a little brother who’s sick and needs to be taken care of, and who could quiet possibly die at any moment leaving her even more broken and damaged than when you met her” I said shaking his hands from my shoulders as I crumbled to the ground in front of him. The events of today catching up to me. I need someone to take care of me too, someone to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright.
“Kell I don’t. . .”
“No you wanted an explanation and I’m giving you one so let me finish! I’m damaged and broken Sid, and its only going to get worse, my fucking mother showed up out of the blue the other day, not that you knew that. The cold heartless bitch actually showed up here, looking for Jamie and dad and I . . . all I could do was stand there wondering when the hell my life went to shit! I used to be the girl that was happy go lucky the girl who smiled just because, the girl who believed that all that mattered in life was falling in love with a great guy . . .”
“You don’t anymore? You don’t believe that its all that matters? Kelly, it is! It is all that matters. . .”
“No, Sid, its not there is this whole giant world out there and a million things that there are to do, a million other girls that would be so much better for you than me . . .” I said looking down at his feet.
“There’s no one out there that is better for me than you” he whispered sitting next to me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders “Kelly, I never thought that I would find someone that means as much to me as you. You mean more to me than everything, hockey even! Kell, its not over for me. I love you and I don’t see myself not being in love with you ever.”
“You shouldn’t be . . .”
“The thing about love is Kelly, you don’t get to choose who you love.”
“Don’t Sid.”
“Kell, please, just please” he said, I looked up to see a single tear run down his face.
“I can’t let myself love you Sid. Everyone I love leaves. First my mom, then my dad and now . . . I might lose Jamie too. I can’t lose you Sid, I can’t let myself fall so deeply in love with you to only have you . . . To have something happen and you get taken from me. It’s easier if we just don’t . . .”
“What Kelly? If we just don’t what? Let me love you, let me show you that I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere Kell, I love you.”
“I love you too Sid, but . . .”
“No but’s . . . I love you and you love me. That’s all that matters” he said hugging me tight.
“Sid, I’m going to lose him.”
“Who Kell?”
“Jamie . . .” I said feeling more heavy tears falling from my eyes.
“Shhh, Kelly, he’s going to pull through.”
“You don’t know that. Sid you didn’t see him, he looked so weak . . .”
“I did see him Kell. I went to see him before coming here. I’ve been visiting him for the past 3 weeks.”
“You have?” I managed to squeak out.
“Yea.”
“He never mentioned it. . .”
“I asked him not to.”
“Why?”
“If I couldn’t see you . . . Hold you . . . Love you like I really wanted to, if I couldn’t do that then I was at least going to make sure that Jamie was alright and that he was there to take care of you.”
“He’s the one who needs to be taken care of, not me.”
“Kell, we all need someone to take care of us.”
“I know that now . . .” I said resting my head on his shoulder as we sat on the front porch, the rain began to pour. “It’s raining.”
“Brilliant deduction.”
“Ha-ha. No Sid. I love the rain. It’s natures way of washing away the imperfections. Making things better. Whenever I’ve had a bad few days and it rains like this, buckets and buckets, it makes me feel better. Like I can start fresh again.”
“I hope that means you’re going to give us another chance.”
“Yes. But Sid I want . . . I need you to know that there are going to be times when I’m going to need you to just, be my rock. Sid I need you. I need you . . .”
“I need you too Kelly” he said pressing his face to my hair.
“I’m scared.”
“It’s alright to be scared” he said kissing the top of my head. “Have you eaten?”
“No” I said quietly.
“Why don’t you go take a hot bath and relax, I’ll make something.”
“You’ll make something? Now I’m even more scared” I laughed wiping the tears off of my face.
“Fine I’ll order something.”
“Alright. . . I just don’t want my kitchen burned down is all.”
“I won’t cook I promise.”
“Sid . . .” I said pausing at the foot of the stairs.
“Yea Kell?”
“I love you Sidney.”
“I love you too Kelly” he said smiling me before I walked up the stairs.
~Sid's POV~
“Hi” she whispered sitting next to me on the couch.
“Hi” I replied simply wrapping my arms around her shoulders pulling her close to me. “I missed you” I added in a whisper.
“I missed you too” she said in a near whisper burying her face in my neck. “I missed you so much Sid.” I heard her voice falter a bit for a moment.
“You have no idea. . .”
“I’m sorry for just walking away Sid but . . . I was scared.”
“Why? Why be scared? I love you Kell. I have for a while.”
“I don’t know Sid I . . .” her phone rang suddenly. “It’s the hospital” she said strained. “Hello?”
“Kelly? It’s Jenny” I could hear the person on the other side of the line say. “You should probably come back here. Jamie isn’t looking very good.”
“Ok” she said tears streaming down her face before hanging up. “We’ve got. . .”
“To go. Let’s go” I finished for her. “I’ll drive, okay?”
“What are you doing here?” I said looking up at the man I was in love with but knew I couldn’t have. His hair a mess curls sticking up every which way like he hadn’t combed it in the past two weeks, his face like he hadn’t shaved, his eyes heavy like he hadn’t slept.
“I just . . . Damn it Kelly I love you. I’ve been playing for shit lately and you’re why . . .”
“Wow thanks! I’m totally the reason that you are playing horribly” I said throwing my hands up in the air. “What is this let’s throw another thing on Kelly’s shoulders week?”
“Would you just listen to me?”
“No Sid! No. I can’t just listen to you. You shouldn’t even be here. I told you that we can’t do this anymore.”
“You never told me why Kell!”
“If you’re going to keep yelling at me Sid then leave alright, I don’t need this. Hell you really don’t need the unwanted press. . .”
“Screw the press! Kelly I want you, I need you. I can’t go 5 minutes without thinking about you.” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. “Tell me why Kelly please tell me why you suddenly decided to break things off with me? I think I deserve some sort of explanation” he said holding onto my shoulders.
“Exactly Sid! You deserve, so much more than what I can give you! You deserve a girl who is going to wait for you to get home from an away game, a girl who doesn’t have a million other things to think about, not a girl with a little brother who’s sick and needs to be taken care of, and who could quiet possibly die at any moment leaving her even more broken and damaged than when you met her” I said shaking his hands from my shoulders as I crumbled to the ground in front of him. The events of today catching up to me. I need someone to take care of me too, someone to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright.
“Kell I don’t. . .”
“No you wanted an explanation and I’m giving you one so let me finish! I’m damaged and broken Sid, and its only going to get worse, my fucking mother showed up out of the blue the other day, not that you knew that. The cold heartless bitch actually showed up here, looking for Jamie and dad and I . . . all I could do was stand there wondering when the hell my life went to shit! I used to be the girl that was happy go lucky the girl who smiled just because, the girl who believed that all that mattered in life was falling in love with a great guy . . .”
“You don’t anymore? You don’t believe that its all that matters? Kelly, it is! It is all that matters. . .”
“No, Sid, its not there is this whole giant world out there and a million things that there are to do, a million other girls that would be so much better for you than me . . .” I said looking down at his feet.
“There’s no one out there that is better for me than you” he whispered sitting next to me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders “Kelly, I never thought that I would find someone that means as much to me as you. You mean more to me than everything, hockey even! Kell, its not over for me. I love you and I don’t see myself not being in love with you ever.”
“You shouldn’t be . . .”
“The thing about love is Kelly, you don’t get to choose who you love.”
“Don’t Sid.”
“Kell, please, just please” he said, I looked up to see a single tear run down his face.
“I can’t let myself love you Sid. Everyone I love leaves. First my mom, then my dad and now . . . I might lose Jamie too. I can’t lose you Sid, I can’t let myself fall so deeply in love with you to only have you . . . To have something happen and you get taken from me. It’s easier if we just don’t . . .”
“What Kelly? If we just don’t what? Let me love you, let me show you that I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere Kell, I love you.”
“I love you too Sid, but . . .”
“No but’s . . . I love you and you love me. That’s all that matters” he said hugging me tight.
“Sid, I’m going to lose him.”
“Who Kell?”
“Jamie . . .” I said feeling more heavy tears falling from my eyes.
“Shhh, Kelly, he’s going to pull through.”
“You don’t know that. Sid you didn’t see him, he looked so weak . . .”
“I did see him Kell. I went to see him before coming here. I’ve been visiting him for the past 3 weeks.”
“You have?” I managed to squeak out.
“Yea.”
“He never mentioned it. . .”
“I asked him not to.”
“Why?”
“If I couldn’t see you . . . Hold you . . . Love you like I really wanted to, if I couldn’t do that then I was at least going to make sure that Jamie was alright and that he was there to take care of you.”
“He’s the one who needs to be taken care of, not me.”
“Kell, we all need someone to take care of us.”
“I know that now . . .” I said resting my head on his shoulder as we sat on the front porch, the rain began to pour. “It’s raining.”
“Brilliant deduction.”
“Ha-ha. No Sid. I love the rain. It’s natures way of washing away the imperfections. Making things better. Whenever I’ve had a bad few days and it rains like this, buckets and buckets, it makes me feel better. Like I can start fresh again.”
“I hope that means you’re going to give us another chance.”
“Yes. But Sid I want . . . I need you to know that there are going to be times when I’m going to need you to just, be my rock. Sid I need you. I need you . . .”
“I need you too Kelly” he said pressing his face to my hair.
“I’m scared.”
“It’s alright to be scared” he said kissing the top of my head. “Have you eaten?”
“No” I said quietly.
“Why don’t you go take a hot bath and relax, I’ll make something.”
“You’ll make something? Now I’m even more scared” I laughed wiping the tears off of my face.
“Fine I’ll order something.”
“Alright. . . I just don’t want my kitchen burned down is all.”
“I won’t cook I promise.”
“Sid . . .” I said pausing at the foot of the stairs.
“Yea Kell?”
“I love you Sidney.”
“I love you too Kelly” he said smiling me before I walked up the stairs.
~Sid's POV~
“Hi” she whispered sitting next to me on the couch.
“Hi” I replied simply wrapping my arms around her shoulders pulling her close to me. “I missed you” I added in a whisper.
“I missed you too” she said in a near whisper burying her face in my neck. “I missed you so much Sid.” I heard her voice falter a bit for a moment.
“You have no idea. . .”
“I’m sorry for just walking away Sid but . . . I was scared.”
“Why? Why be scared? I love you Kell. I have for a while.”
“I don’t know Sid I . . .” her phone rang suddenly. “It’s the hospital” she said strained. “Hello?”
“Kelly? It’s Jenny” I could hear the person on the other side of the line say. “You should probably come back here. Jamie isn’t looking very good.”
“Ok” she said tears streaming down her face before hanging up. “We’ve got. . .”
“To go. Let’s go” I finished for her. “I’ll drive, okay?”
♠ ♠ ♠
So I was going to make you all wait forever for this but I'm just too sweet and decided to not prolong you suffering . . . sort of. I know you're mad about Jamie, but please don't hate me.COMMENT! please =)