Tell the Truth

"My Mother," I paused, hesitating on saying the word on the paper "Was," I let it out shakily "a great person; She helped those in need, care for them until they were on their feet and feeling better, I sometimes think she cared for them more than herself." I let out a sad laugh, trying to light up the mood in the very dark and depressing room.

"Mom knew when something was wrong with me; She knew me more than anyone," a tear slid down and I kept my face towards the speech paper.

"Heck, she even knew me more than myself." I let out a sob that was clearly meant for a laugh.

"She loved to cook pancakes, it was the only thing she could cook besides cereal and ice"

Memories hit me hard and another crie came out.

"On sundays we'd listen to gospel stations on the radio, I would be drawing and she would ask me questions about the crossword puzzels on the paper, after saying amen to most of the preacher's words, Sundays were her only religious days" I took in a deep breath and opened my mouth to read the rest.

"She," I stopped and took another breath. "Never broke her promises."

this is it

"When she said you were going to survive no matter what; you can believe that you would live when she promised it."

More tears filled my eyes as I was ready to say the rest, I wiped the tears and soon felt a warm hand close on mine. My head turned to meet Paul's warm eyes.

I didn't need this, but I needed Paul.

"And when she promised she'll be back here in La Push after her job was finnished," I stoped to let out a sob.

"I believed her," I said lowly, making the microphone echo through the room.
The room felt like it was getting hotter and I could feel the tension when it grew more quiet.

I let go of Pauls hand and crumbled the speech paper.

"I just didn't know it would be her last time making the promise."

I whispered throwing the paper on the ground and running outside. My hot body was hit with heavy drops of cold rain, and I could feel the clouds crying with me; I felt like I wasn't alone.

My heart didn't feel as heavy as it was in the room, and it felt nice to know that my mother was in a better place, and sometime I would be meeting her.

The heavy drops hit my face and I relaxed, this felt good. The best part about crying in the rain, is feeling like nobody can see you cry and you weren't alone.
I spun around, and soon stoped when my eyes spotted Paul standing a few feet away. My heart pounded loud enough, and I was sure he could hear me, even with the rain making enough noise as it is.

I wanted to let him know, I have to let him know.

"I don't love Seth." I blurted having Paul stay there, still a couple feet away from me. My voice seemed louder than in the depressing room, I felt better outside than in there.

"And when we kissed; It meant alot," my voice was louder than usual because of the noise around us. My heart was spilling out everything, and I wasn't going to stop.

"Hell, It mean't so much to me, it scared me, Paul." I couldn't stop, I already started.

"I was scared that I was going to lose you like I did with my mother." Warm tear spilled over my face and it now blended with the cold drops of the storm.

"I didn't want to lose you Paul, so I made myself believe that if I was with Seth again, then I wouldn't lose anyone else, especially," I hesitated on saying it.
My voice gave out for a moment.

Do you really want to say it Esther?
Just say it!

"Someone I love more than life it's self, more than you'll ever know." I blurted out.

While staring at his straight facial expression. My heart was thumping harder than ever, and I was sure my heart would give out soon if he doesn't say anything in a moment.

When his figure was getting closer and closer to me, my lungs were out of oxygen; I couldn't breath normally. His figure was a couple of inches away from me now, I stared up at him having small drops of rain hit my cheeks.

We stayed like that for a while, I wouldn't care if the world had ended right now.
Paul was with me and he knew how I felt, it was good enough for me.

"Say something." I blurted out anxious about what he would say.

He gave me this look, as if I can act the way I wanted and be whoever I wanted, he would've still looked at me the same way. His deep brown eyes connected with mine for a while, and he simply smirked.

Oh, no.

That playful smirk, the one when he's about to say something smart. He doesn't love me. He never did, the kiss was a joke.

"It's ridiculous that you love me," My heart felt like it stopped beating.

"Paul-" I blurted out but he simply just placed his index finger to his lips to quiet me down.

"It's ridiculous that you love me," He paused and smiled "More than I'll know, because I do know, I have known for a while."

"How did you-"

"I love you Esther." he stated simply, as if it wasn't news to him. The rain was slowing down, but my anxious was still growing.

"I always have, and you've never known." He laughed and smiled widely. His happiness was showing and I smiled with him.

"How long have you-"

"Too long, way too long." He whispered cupping my face with his large hand.My heart was beating faster and harder. He loves me, Paul loves me, Esther.

"I love you." I whispered.

Paul leaned in towards my face slowly, his lips pressed against my forehead then my cheek and soon, our lips pressed together with so much passion and love, I almost thought I wasn't living anymore.

The rain hit our faces, and my arms wrapped around Paul's neck holding my figure up against him so my knees wouldn't give out.

Paul's built arms snaked around me and lifted my so high my tip of the toes couldn't hit the ground. I soon wraped my legs around his torso and I pulled away from his lips. My small hands cuped his face and I stared into his happy eyes.

"You have no idea how long I have been wating to hold you and kiss you like this." His husky voice said lowly.

"Is that why you hate Seth?" I shifted under Paul's hold on me still, and brushed some of his hair with my fingers.

"I can think of more ways to kill him everytime you two kissed; but there are other reasons." I looked away from him.

"I'm sorry for what I did."

"It's okay, we all know who won." He stated cockly.

"Your so lame." I giggled pecking his lips.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you." I mummbled on his lips as we both leaned in to meet our lips again.

"Paul! Way to go!" We gave each other a quick kiss and Paul slowly put me down then I noticed the rain was gone.

The guys held us together and Embry kissed my forehead.

Soon a bird call was ignited through the streets, and voices were heard congradulating Paul from the guys and blessings to me from the others.

I was happy, even though I feel like I shouldn't be; But I think my mother wanted this to happen all along, even if she is gone.