Carpe Diem

I huffed loudly to myself as I walked straight past Hit The Light’s bus, making my way over to Taking Back Sunday’s before running up the few steps quickly. Choruses of ‘Hey Taylor’ rang out before I literally chucked myself into the vacant seat next to Lidia, who had Kade fast asleep in her arms.

“What’s the matter with you?” Matt questioned from the seat opposite me.

I shrugged, “Nothing at all,” I lied before smiling.

He raised an eyebrow and shot me a suspicious look, but he didn’t take it any further, “Well, on the bright side, at least we get the day off tomorrow.”

A genuine smile spread its way across my lips at his words as I realised I finally got to spend the day with Kade. I felt bad that he had to be passed around between various different band members when I was performing or under any other circumstances, and I know that they truly didn’t mind looking after him for the few hours I couldn’t, but I still felt selfish.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Lidia whispered to me as she looked at me intently.

Before I even had the chance to answer, my cell vibrated in my pocket. I silently thanked the lord knowing that I had a way of getting out of saying something that may possibly incriminate myself. I dug my cell out of my pocket quickly, pushing up the screen before glancing over the two worded yet clearly instructive text.

Hayden.

Tell Matt.

I sighed as I began to type a quick reply as to why it wouldn‘t be a good idea, although I immediately stopped when I heard footsteps clambering up the stairs, praying it wasn’t who I thought it was, but alas, sometimes praying doesn’t always do you justice.

“Hey guys,” Adam said as he came into view.

I rolled my eyes before leaning back in my seat, crossing my arms while I was at it.

“Where did you get to last night? We couldn’t find you anywhere, not that we were looking all that hard,” Matt laughed, looking up at his best friend.

“Oh, I didn’t go that far, I had a great time though,” He said, his eyes flickering over at me for a second.
I scoffed to myself as I looked in the opposite direction.

“Oh yeah? What did you do?”

I felt my heartbeat quicken as I continued to stare into space, making sure not to make anything obvious.

“Taylor,” Adam replied.

My head snapped over in his direction, as I clenched and unclenched my fists.

“What?” Matt questioned, utterly confused.

“Oh no it was nothing like that, I was just saying Taylor’s name as she looks a bit…distracted.” He smirked as I shot daggers at him, furious at the stunt he’d just pulled.

Matt looked between the both of us and held his hands up, “I’m not getting involved in whatever issues are concerning you two.”

“There aren’t any issues, just keep him on a leash and you’ll be fine.” I spat as I glared at Adam once more before standing up and making my way through the bus in order to not wake Kade as Adam was in full pursuit.

“Don’t even fucking go there Taylor, I-”

“Adam stop following me before I do you some serious damage!” I exclaimed as I walked up the staircase, taking the steps two at a time.

“I think you’re forgetting that you’re actually on my bands bus, don’t fucking tell me what to do!”

I spun around to face him head on, “Get a fucking grip!”

“I hate you!”

“Oh my god don’t even get me started on how much I hate you, just quit following me!”

“Or what?!”

“Adam, don’t test me, I’m not in the mood for your bull-” I stopped mid-sentence as my eyes flickered straight past Adam and to the person who was hovering near the top of the staircase, a confused yet slightly angry expression on her face. Charlie.

“Hey Charlie,” I said, making my way past Adam and towards where she was stood, “I’ll leave you to it,” I smiled half-heartedly before hurrying down the stairs.

I’d say before I even reached the bottom step both their raised voices could be heard as Charlie kept questioning him about where he’d got to the previous night and how he could have just left her there this morning like he did. I know it was wrong, but I couldn’t help feeling a little smug that he’d been left to make up some excuse and forced to take the wrap alone. I called it good karma at the time.

“What’s up with them?” Fred questioned, his eyes flickering over to the staircase for a moment as their yells grew increasingly louder.

“I have no idea,” I shrugged innocently, making my way over to Lidia and Kade, who was now awake.

“Because I’m the best cousin in the world, when he woke up this morning I changed and fed him,” Matt piped up, “I hope you don’t mind.”

I shook my head as I picked Kade up gently, “Not at all, thank you Matthew.” I winked as he rolled his eyes at me. I shot him a genuine smile in appreciation for what he’d done before taking a seat on the once again vacant chair next to Lidia before placing Kade down between us.

“Lets play a game, kid,” I smiled as he nodded his head enthusiastically.

“What game?” He questioned, but before I even had a chance to get a word in he spoke again.

“Lets play Snap!”

“Kade knows how to play Snap? At his age?” Fred asked sceptically as I nodded, earning a chuckle off him in response.

“This is what happens when you live in a house that has no board games as Hayden likes to destroy them,” I scoffed, “Does anyone have a deck of cards?”

“I do, they’re-” Fred stopped as the yelling between Charlie and Adam got even louder before suddenly coming to an abrupt halt.

“I need to get out of here, this isn‘t going to end well, ” Eddie announced as he stood up, followed by Mark, Fred, Matt, and Lidia.

“You’re all leaving?!” I exclaimed incredulously.

“I don’t want to stick around for anymore of this,” Eddie chuckled as he made his way towards the door, the others in hot pursuit.

“At least bring me back a deck of cards!” I shouted after them as Lidia made a gesture with her hand, acknowledging what I said.

I’d say it was about five minutes after the chicken shits had left until extremely loud footsteps were heard as Charlie made her way down them, making sure to create enough noise as she did before stomping straight past me, exclaiming, “I give up!” before disappearing out of sight and off the bus completely. It also wasn’t too long after that that Adam mimicked her actions by stamping his feet just as hard as he ascended the stairs and made his way over to me angrily. I got up out of the chair, glancing at Kade who was happily occupied with an empty plastic cup that Lidia had left in her previous seat, before crossing my arms over my chest.

“You’re such a bitch! how could you do that? you threw me under the bus!” Adam screeched.

“She’s your girlfriend not mine, what was I supposed to do? stick around? fuck that.” I scoffed.

“I don’t think you realise that if I go down you’re coming down with me.” He warned as he grabbed my wrist tightly.

“Let me go. now.” I seethed as I attempted to pull my wrist out of his harsh grasp.

We stood, staring each other down for what felt like eternity until we suddenly snapped out of it in unison as a noise broke as apart. My head shot over in Kade’s direction as he stared at me innocently before shrugging as I glanced down at the floor, noticing the plastic cup was now there. My gaze flickered over to Adam briefly, who’s eyes widened, not realising Kade was there. I took this as an opportunity to snatch my wrist out of his grasp by punching his hand with my free one as he immediately let go of my wrist before picking Kade up and wrapping my arms around him securely.

“Well done, you dick.” I spat as I spun on my heel and made my way off the bus.

[&]

Needless to say I spent the next few hours that I had, staying as far away from Adam Lazzara as possible. I actually felt like luck was on my side for a little bit of time at least that day as Kids From The Summer were told last minute we had to do a question and answer session due to popular demand, not to mention soundcheck, a whole lot of avoiding Adam, concerned looks off Hayden and spending time with Nick. Of course, Although, the more time I spent with Nick the more I felt the re-occurring guilt creep on me. I know technically we weren’t official so it really shouldn’t affect me as much as it was, but I didn’t see it that way. I mean, okay maybe it wasn’t official, but I told him I liked him back, and then I slept with Adam, drunken mistake or no drunken mistake, where’s the humanity in that? I still hadn’t confided in Matt about what happened, I weighed out the pros and cons of if I told him and then reached a decision, which resulted in me wanting to tell him. However, every time I tried to get close, Adam would always suddenly appear out of no-where, leading to me walking away. It was like he somehow knew what I was planning to do, or more so just to piss me off even more, which seemed like the more likely motive.

“Why haven’t you told him yet?” Hayden pushed as we stood in the middle of the crowd, waiting for Taking Back Sunday to perform.

Believe me when I say I didn’t want to be there watching, but I felt obligated to be, considering Matt was my cousin after all and it’d convey my support for him, as well as Mark, Eddie and Fred of course.
Besides, I couldn’t find a way out of it even if I wanted to as Lidia insisted on watching Kade for me. I was starting to believe that there was more to her not wanting to participate in anything than she was letting on, and I’d made a mental note of it to talk to her about it as soon as possible.
“Because, Adam’s been popping up left right and centre every time I’ve tried to.” I said as I scuffed my converse against the ground.

She slung her arm over my shoulder, not saying a word just as Adam, Fred, Matt, Mark, and Eddie walked on stage.

“Hey guys,” Charlie said as she suddenly appeared on the right hand side of me.

I smiled as Hayden nodded in acknowledgement, not bothering to say anything as any reply would have been drowned out by the screams of enthusiastic fans.

“Hello for the second time, you lovely people!” Adam exclaimed as the crowd cheered in response.

“So, we thought we’d play you guys a song we don’t play live that much, in thanks for the response you gave us yesterday, plus it’s very expressive, and there’s nothing wrong with expression, right?!” He said as the cheers grew increasingly louder.

Truth be told, I had no idea what to expect as the beginning of the song kicked in.

“The whole truth and nothing but the truth
Stop me if you've heard this one before
The whole truth is nothing but a good excuse
So long as you don't torture me with my past
“Let's be honest; a secret silenced is a secret safe” Adam sang as he looked directly at me, and at that moment I swear I felt my heart stop for a split second.

Miami, Miami, Miami
Well every hour on the hour
(every hour on the hour)
You have to, you just have to trust me
Whoever I was then,
I can't ever be again

Reminders, they are not reluctant
So stop me if you've heard this one before
Sideways blinders,
I can't find a way (around a way) around..

Miami, Miami, Miami
Well every hour on the hour (every hour on the hour)
You have to, you just have to trust me
Whoever I was then,
I can't ever be again

The faith you found I never felt (never felt)
The terror held in wedding bells
And comfort in there's no one else
The truth be told I'm never gonna know

Miami Miami Miami
Well every hour on the hour (every hour on the hour)
Unhand me, God damn me, Miami
Whoever I was then I can't ever be again

The terror held in wedding bells
The comfort in there's no one else
The truth be told I'm never gonna know
The terror held in wedding bells
The comfort in there's no one else
The truth be told I'm never gonna know”

I literally felt like I’d been hit with a tidal wave of emotion as each and every lyric seeped its way inside me. I took a second to glance sideways at Charlie who was too busy hitting the keys of her phone in an aggressive manner to notice. I ignored the brief feeling of paranoia that came over me about the fact that she may have read into the lyrics before then taking the opportunity to look at Hayden, who was staring at me with an expression that I was sure mimicked my own - a completely overpowering sense of confusion. I swallowed hard, glancing at Adam quickly, before entering my train of thoughts. I couldn’t feel like that, I wouldn’t feel like that. I had not worked so hard over the last four years to completely get over and forget Adam Lazzara to suddenly throw it all away over something as one single song and its lyrics to smash through my wall with a bulldozer. No, it wasn’t going to happen. As my brain fought for dominance against my opposing emotions, I think I jumped a mile as someone tugged my hand gently from behind. I glanced behind me quickly, forcing myself to smile as Nick entwined his fingers with mine before turning my attention back to the stage in front of me. I bit my lip between my teeth as my eyes flicked down to our entwined hands for a moment, only to realise I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure of anything from that moment on, and things were only going to get much, much more complicated.