Carpe Diem

20 texts and 10 phonecalls later I was finally left alone. Well, so I thought. I didn’t want to talk to Nick, and I most certainly did not want to talk to Adam, but unfortunately for me, even I knew once Adam had his mind set on something he wouldn’t give up. I was hoping that the early morning journey to Los Angeles would give me time to relax and prepare myself for the next day as I’d forced myself to realise that this was reality and reality wouldn’t work with me trying to shut myself away from everyone, especially not where Kids From The Summer and the tour were concerned. Of course though, things didn’t go my way, quite the opposite, actually. My fury was fuelled to the max as Adam showed up on our bus just as we were leaving, meaning he’d have to stay on our bus until we stopped for gas, at least.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this!” I glared at Adam over the noise of Omar and Colin shouting at each other furiously whilst pressing the Xbox controller buttons as hard as they could as they tried to kill each other.

“We need to talk, Taylor.” He replied calmly as he placed a hand on the small of my back before manoeuvring me up the staircase, away from the screaming below.

As soon as we reached the top of the stairs I immediately put as much distance as I could between us in fear that I might do something I’d regret, like punch him in the face.

“I hate you for doing this to me!” I screamed as I began to pace back and forth, mentally cursing myself for putting my feelings forward.

“Doing what?” He questioned as his eyes followed my movements.

“Putting me in this position! Do you realise what you’ve done?! Charlie’s going to get suspicious of why you feel the need to be around me, not to mention my band mates, and-”

“Nick.” He chuckled dryly, “Still haven’t patched things up?”

I began to clench and unclench my fists as I moved towards him before pushing him roughly in the chest.

“Why can’t you just get the message that I can’t stand you? I don’t want to be near you, Adam!”

He hesitated for a couple of minutes before walking the distance I’d put between us in a few short strides before grabbing hold of my shoulders and turning me to face him as I dropped my gaze to the floor.

“Say that to me now.” He whispered before placing a finger under my chin and tilting my head up so I looked him dead in the eye.

“Ican’tstandyouandIdon’twanttobenearyou.” I mumbled, narrowing my eyes.

“I’m sorry, what?” He smirked slightly before moving his finger and placing his hand on my cheek gently.

I took a deep breath, “I-” but before I could even utter out the next word he pressed his lips to mine softly, and needless to say I didn’t pull away.

I moved my arms to around his neck as he deepened the kiss, knowing I wasn’t going to protest he pushed me back against the nearest wall as I pulled his body closer to mine. Believe me when I say I’d never planned on it happening, on the contrary, but staying away from Adam was proving to be as difficult for me as it was for him.

“You were saying?” He mumbled, leaning his forehead against mine as we broke apart.

“This is wrong.” I sighed, moving my hands from around his neck to his chest to push him away, but he entwined our fingers before I had a chance to, “Adam you have a girlfriend, for fucksake. I’m not one for ruining relationships.”

“You weren’t complaining a minute ago.” He replied before pressing his lips against my neck.

“Adam,” I groaned, “We can’t do this.”

“Taylor don’t make this complicated.” He too groaned.

I bit my lip, “How can’t this be complicated, Adam? Answer me that.” I demanded, removing my hands from his.

“Because we have a lot to make up for in the four years we’ve spent apart.” He said before leaning in to kiss me again.

It was then reality hit me and I realised I had to make a point before I got in too deep, and I did exactly that by placing my hand against his mouth before his lips could come into contact with mine.

“I’m not about to be your fuck buddy or your bit on the side, Adam.” I glared before removing my hand and actually pushing him away from me this time.

“But Taylor,” He protested before pulling me into him, “I need you.”

“No.” I said forcefully, “I have more self-respect than that.”

“You know you can’t fight this forever.” He said as he pressed his lips against the corner of my mouth.

“I can’t believe you actually expect me, me, of all people to do that to myself, let alone Charlie.”

“It’s always been us Taylor, you and I, and you know it.”

“If it’d always been us you wouldn’t have dated Cindy, and if it’d always been us you would’ve fought for me and tried to get me to not leave.” I countered as I stepped away from him.

“Would it have mattered, though? Nothing I could’ve said would’ve made you stay.” He stated matter-o-factly.

“You don’t know that.”

“Don’t I? Come on then, Taylor. What would’ve made you stay?”

I took in a deep breath, finally gathering up the nerve and the reason to say what I’d been holding back for four years.

“You never made me feel loved, Adam. Even you know that, if you hadn’t have admitted it I would’ve never thought it, that’s how much I never felt it. I left because even though a part of me, deep down longed to hear you say it, I didn’t believe you meant it. I’m sure if the tables were turned you wouldn’t have believed it if you were me. Despite everything that had happened, a part of me did want to stay, but I couldn’t bring myself to, and the easiest option was for me to leave. The fact you didn’t make that much of an effort to stop me contributed to me leaving too, it also helped my decision that held some regret over the next few years become relatively easier, considering you didn’t bother to even attempt to come and see me, let alone call, so there you have it.” I spat, shedding a tear unintentionally before turning my back to him and making my way over to my bunk, jumping in it before tearing the curtain closed and turning over to face the wall. I can’t explain how weak I felt for shedding a tear and I felt like I’d never live it down, especially when my bunk curtain was torn open once more and Adam climbed inside before shutting it behind him.

“Fuck off, Adam.” I mumbled, burying my face into my pillow.

“You know that I’ll never do anything you say, right?” He scoffed before pulling me into his arms gently and resting his chin on top of my head.

“You’re making this so difficult.” I sighed, “Can’t you be a complete ass and make me hate you?” I pleaded as I shuffled away from him enough to turn around and face him.

“I could, but then I think I’d be letting you off too easy.” He said before tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

“Why is it that this is so wrong, and I know it is, yet I’m not walking away?” I mumbled, running a hand through my hair.

“Because you can’t resist me.” Adam smirked before winking.

“Yeah, that’s totally it.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes before our lips met again.

“Now, get out.” I shrugged as I moved away from him, I wasn’t going to let him get to me that easily.

“I’m going because I want to, remember that.” He stated before shooting me another smirk and clambering out of my bunk, leaving me to my thoughts.

I knew I was digging myself a hole, more so when I found myself smiling slightly. Soon the hole would be six feet deep.

[&]

I spent the rest of the journey to the gas station either playing against one of Hit The Lights on the Xbox, making small talk with Hayden as she knew full well something was on my mind but knew I wouldn’t reveal it whilst we were in the company of everyone else, not to mention texting Alex about possible song lyrics. I’d also say I spent my time with Kade, but that would be a lie considering Kade had taken it upon himself to spend all his time playing games with Adam, and considering I was trying to keep away from Adam the odds were against me. What I found extremely disturbing was the reason that I felt I couldn’t be near Adam, and believe me when I say I truly do mean that, if he were upstairs I had to be down and vice versa, it was like some kind of magnetic force in my brain kept trying to push me towards him, and I was better than that, well, I thought so at that point. Needless to say when we finally got to the gas station I breathed out a sigh of relief, but it turned out I’d breathed that sigh too soon.

I crossed my arms as I reluctantly made my way over to Adam who had his back leant against one of the counter as his gaze flickered from his phone to rest on me.

“You can go now, I’m sure Charlie will be worried.” I said as my eyes glanced out of the window at the other three identical buses parked up next to ours as they refuelled.

“Actually, I think I’ll stay put.” He answered simply as he slid his cell back in his pocket.

“Then I’m leaving.” I stated, walking away before he had a chance to respond before running down the steps at the front of the bus, inhaling a deep breath of air.

I smiled at the sight of Jake leaning with his back against the bus, a cigarette in hand as I made my way over to him.

“Smoking kills, Johnson.” I said as he simply shot me a lopsided grin in response before wrapping his arms around me tightly.

“Come and hang out with us, Taylor. We miss you.” He mumbled into my shoulder.

“Jake, we’ve not been apart that long.” I chuckled, “I suppose I can spare you time until we have to stop to refuel again.” I teased playfully.

“This is why I love you.” He smiled widely as he finished off his cigarette quickly before slinging his arm across my shoulders as we made our way onto the bus. I couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous though, all things considered.

“Now, this is a better way to discuss ideas.” Alex laughed, making her way over to us before nudging Jake out of the way in order to wrap her arms around me.

“I have to agree there.” I said, giving her a quick squeeze before we broke apart.

Needless to say I’d began to feel comfortable in myself again, I can’t tell you how thankful I was that things weren’t awkward between Alex and I, though I couldn’t help but feel slightly sceptical as to her calm exterior as to whether she knew what had happened between Nick and I or not, then again it wasn’t that big of a deal in the first place, so whichever the answer, I was relieved. As we began to work on song ideas and figure out our setlist for the show only mere hours away I couldn’t help let my eyes wander slightly to the red-headed boy who was yet to mutter a word to me, or even glance in my direction as Alex, Jake, Logan and I laid sprawled out on the floor of the main section of the bus, paper splayed everywhere as Nick and Eric sat watching re-runs of Smallville on the overly large plasma screen.

“I hate cliffhangers!” Halvo declared loudly as he stood up before storming off dramatically.

“I take it he doesn’t like cliffhangers?” Jake scoffed, an amused tone evident in his voice.

“Who are you kidding? He loves them.” I joked as I glanced over at Nick quickly, who, to my surprise was looking right back at me.

I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling slightly awkward as I stood up rather abruptly.

“I’m going to go and raid your fridge, does anyone want anything?” I questioned as Logan and Jake shook their heads in unison before Alex piped up saying that she wanted a Grape soda. I laughed, nodding my head before making my way into the kitchen section of the kitchen. Opening the fridge quickly I grabbed two sodas out of it before placing them on the counter, closing the door before taking a deep breath in order to relax myself.

“Can we talk?” Nick’s voice rang out from behind me as I jumped in response.

“Shit!” I gasped in momentary surprise before regaining my composure, “I don’t think now’s the right time.”

“There’s never going to be a “right time” is there?” He countered, moving to stand opposite me.

I shrugged in response before crossing my arms, “Go ahead.”

“Look, I shouldn’t have reacted like that, it doesn’t really concern me, but you’ve got to understand why I’m shocked. I‘m sorry.”

I stared at him for a few moments, carefully trying to plan out my response in a calm manner before sighing, “It’s fine, I can understand why you’d be shocked, lets just forget about it.”

He smiled in gratitude before taking a step toward me.

“I-I need to talk to you about something else.” I stated, looking him straight in the eye.

He gestured with his hand for me to say what I wanted to say.

“I think we should just stay on a strictly friend basis right now, what with the tour stresses, and I just need to figure some things out, but-”

He nodded sullenly before replying with, “It’s because of Adam, right?” before pulling me into his arms regardless of what I’d said as he rested his chin on top of my head.

“Of course not, it-” I started, but he cut me off once more.

“I won’t say anymore about it, I’m just happy to have you back.” I wrapped my arms around him tightly, overwhelmed with a sudden wave of emotions which I seemed to be experiencing quite frequently.

“If he hurts you, ever, I’ll kick his ass.” Nick said seriously as I chuckled into his chest.

“It’s not because of Adam, believe me.” I stated, chewing on my lip. “I’m glad to have you looking out for me, though.”

“Always.”

[&]

“I love Los Angeles!” Alex exclaimed as she ran down the bus steps hurriedly.

“Los Angeles is the place to be.” I agreed, “I lived here for a while with Hayden before we moved to Lima.”

“How come you moved?” Alex questioned as I cradled the plastic coffee cup I had firmly between my palms, gulping some down before contemplating my answer.

“It just wasn’t for me as a permanent home, plus Hayden wanted a change of scenery so it was one of those “fuck it, lets be adventurous and move somewhere new” moments.” I admitted as she laughed in response, satisfied with my answer.

“Today’s show should be awesome!” She grinned as her eyes flickered over towards the crowds of kids who were making their way through the gates and into the main section, or ‘venue’ you could call it where we’d be playing.

Before I could respond though, my ringtone began to blast out of my cell as I hurriedly slid it out of my pocket, frowning as I glanced at the screen as I didn’t recognise the number, but timidly answered it anyway.

“Hello?” I said slowly, glancing at Alex who shot me a confused glance.

“Hello Taylor, this is Christopher, the Fueled By Ramen boss you met with Hit The Lights whilst you were in Lima.” He said politely.

“Oh, hello, sir.” I replied calmly, my body relaxing.

“I spoke to Colin last night and asked for your phone number as I believe we have some things we need to sort out.”

I braced myself by taking in a deep breath, instinctively feeling that I shouldn’t respond and should just wait for him to make the first move, which was right.

“When it was made known that there needed to be a replacement band to fill in promptly after the support band had to drop out I don’t think we, as in Fueled By Ramen, realised what we were letting ourselves in for, especially for a band not signed to our label, more specifically who’d just formed. You’ve gained a vast range of fans in the little time you’ve been around, we’re extremely impressed. I just wanted to let you know that you have our full backing, and with that said, in your best interest before you leave Los Angeles, your band will meet with one of my representatives to discuss this further. I’ve sent you two emails, one contains all the information you need to know about said meeting, whilst one is a suggestion of something you should do for your second show in Los Angeles tomorrow to make it, lets say, memorable.”

I cleared my throat, gulping furiously in order to restore my mouth back to normal and not the dry state it’d suddenly become as I held on to each word that Christopher had said before responding as best as I could.

“I-Thank you sir, truly. We really appreciate your kind words, and I’ll check my emails as soon as we’re finished talking.”

I winked at Alex who began jumping up and down on the spot, despite having no idea what was going on.

“You’re welcome, Taylor. I’ll speak to you very soon.”

“Bye.” I said as he hung up before sliding my cell back in my pocket, inhaling and exhaling a few times.

“Well?!” She pushed, almost bursting with excitement.

“I have to check my emails.” I shrugged innocently before taking her hand in mine before making my way over to the Hit The Lights bus, practically running up the steps, through the bus, tossing my empty coffee cup on one of the counters carelessly before moving up spiral staircase whilst pulling Alex along like a rag doll. Jumping in my bunk, as Alex mimicked my actions I flipped the lid of my laptop up, turning it on quickly as I began to tap my fingers in anticipation, impatiently waiting for my email account to open. I quickly skimmed over the details of the meeting that was to take place in one of the Los Angeles Fueled By Ramen buildings the day after we played our second show before turning to face Alex who kept trying, but failing to read over my shoulder.

“We have a meeting with Fueled By Ramen.” I told her as she looked at me with wide-eyes.

“You don’t think-”

“I have no idea, I guess we’ll have to wait and see, but from what I could understand from the phonecall, they’re impressed. There’s no point getting our hopes up, this meeting could amount to nothing, but still!” I grinned as we hugged each other tightly.

“Before we go and tell the others, there’s another email I, well we need to look at.” I said as we both retracted our arms in unison as I flipped my laptop top up, clicking the email as our eyes travelled over the words:

“Taylor,

As I mentioned on the phone, I think this idea will be a real hit with all the bands fans, as it’s something unique and it’s never been done on any tours to date, so we, as in Fueled By Ramen, thought that it’d be the perfect tour to try it out on as there’s a great variety of bands on it that we feel it could be one of our most successful things yet. Now, onto the idea:
This will take place after all the bands have finished their sets, and considering the majority of fans demand an encore this slightly brings that notion to life, but with a twist. The idea of this is quite simple, you’re going to host a ‘talent show’ per say, of different band members from all of the bands collaborating on different songs together. The names of each individual members, including yours will be placed in a hat so it’s truly a game of chance of who gets to collaborate with who to perform a cover song of their choice. It’s a great experience for you all to try out new things, and it’ll be something creatively original for publicity. The voting for the winning pair of band members will consist of the highest round of applause from the crowd, so it’s pretty straight forward in that sense. Thinking ahead to the drumming aspect of this, even though I’m sure at least one acoustic song will be chosen, each drummer from each band has the choice of whether to participate to collaborate with another band member, or to play on the non-acoustic songs for the other participants, or both, it’s completely up to them. It’s not compulsory for every band member, or pair to participate, but the more that do, the better.
I wish you good luck with this, Taylor. I’m highly sure you’ll be able to pull it off, and I’ll be keeping an eye out to see how it all pans out.

- Christopher.”

Alex and I turned to each other in unison, speechless.

“I wonder how the others are going to take it.” She questioned, taking the laptop from me and scanning over the email one more time.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, we’ll just call everyone together this evening,” I sighed before running a hand through my hair, “I don’t even know if we, I, can pull this off.”

She rolled her eyes before nudging me in the shoulder playfully.

“It’ll be fine, I just hope he knows what he’s doing.” She shrugged as I nodded in response. I didn’t know which emotion was the strongest- excitement, or a high case of nerves, and the performances of the day were yet to unfold.