You Lost Me, You Left Me

I sighed and looked up at the door in front of me. It was just a normal door, so why was I so scared? It looked as if it had been once painted a deep red color but most of the paint was peeling off revealing the old wood. I wasn’t scared of the door, no, I was scared of what who was behind it.

“Are you going to stare at the damn door all day or eventually open it?” I heard a voice say sarcastically from behind me.

I turned around to see a smirking Garrett.

“Your mother really should have taught you some manners, Nickelsen.” I muttered.

“She tried but he was a lost cause. Trey’s the good child.” Jared said walking up from behind Garrett.

“Your father really should have taught you how to open doors. You simply put your hand on the knob and turn.” Garrett retorted.

I simply sighed and asked, “Where’s everyone else?”

“Pat and Kennedy went to get some food because they were hungry and John was over at his parents’ house so he’ll be a little late.” Jared answered.

“So that means it’s safe for you to go inside.” Garrett said.

I was about to say something sarcastic back to Garrett but looked up and saw that he was actually trying to be helpful for once.

“Ok, well I guess we should go in.” I said as I turned to door and walked into the venue.

“Hey she does know how to open a door. I guess she isn’t a dumb blonde.” I heard Garrett say from behind me.

I simply ignored him and kept on walking.

“Parker-Blaine!” I heard a voice scream as I was engulfed in a hug.

“Hey Halvo.” I said laughing.

“Halvo put her down. I want to hug her.” Nick said walking up to the two of us.

“No! Finders keepers.” Halvo said as he stuck his tongue out at Nick.

“Be nice and share, Halvo.” I said.

“Fine. I’ll just go hug Garrett and Jared.” Halvo pouted but finally let me go.

“Dude, get away from me!” Garrett said as Halvo began chasing him around the venue trying to hug him.

I just chuckled and then wrapped my arms around Nick.

“I’ve missed you Parks.” He whispered in my ear.

“I’ve missed you too, Nick.” I said as he let go of me.

“So John texted me and said that he’ll be a little late. He’ll be at the show but he won’t get to hang out with us beforehand, just afterwards. I guess if you think things will be awkward you can hang out with us now and then go home after the show when John starts hanging with us. I’d rather you stay and talk to John but I understand if you can’t.”

“Ok, thanks Nick. I’ll see how things go.” I said as I gave him a small smile.

“We have a couple hours before we have to get ready so let’s go do something.” Nick said.

“Let’s go wherever Kenny and Pat went and get food. I’m starving.” Justin yelled from the side of the stage.

“I’m not sitting by Halvo! He’s a creeper.” Garrett yelled.

“But I love you Gare Bear!” Halvo pouted.

I just rolled my eyes and followed Nick to the door.
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Nick, Andrew, Justin, and Halvo played an amazing show. The four of them plus the boys of The Maine and I were hanging backstage after the show. Well the boys of The Maine except for John. No one had seen John yet even though he had texted Jared earlier and told him that he was here.

I was in the corner talking to Nick when he suddenly looked up and said, “Hey Johnny Boy.”

“John! Finally someone who will love me back! Garrett called me a creeper and Nick stole Parker-Blaine away from me.” Halvo said.

“Sorry about your sucky luck, Halvo.” John said to Eric but he was looking straight at me. It was as if there was some force that wouldn’t let us look away from each other. The entire room was silent, watching John and me.

I finally broke the silence as I stood up and said, “Well I should get going.”

Nick quickly stood up and said, “Stay here, Parks. Just stay and try to talk to him.”

“I can’t, Nick.” I whispered.

I said my goodbyes and hugged each of the boys of A Rocket To The Moon and promised to call them.

I was out in the parking lot when I heard footsteps and someone calling my name. I turned around to see John running up to me.

“You don’t have to leave PB. If things are too weird I can just go.”

“No, it’s fine John. You should spend time with Nick and the guys before they leave.” I answered.

“Well can you stay and we could possibly talk?”

“I… I don’t think so, John.” I whispered.

“Why not? This past year and a half has been the worst of my life even though the band has been doing great. The good things aren’t nearly as good without you in my life. I need you PB. I understand that all of this is my fault, but I’m trying to make it right. I really am. I just don’t know what to do. All I know is that I need you back in my life and that I love you.” John said.

“Don’t say those things, John.” I said while trying to keep the tears from falling.

“They’re the truth though.”

“I just… I can’t… I have to go.” I said and then ran to my car where I immediately started bawling as soon as I got inside.
________________________________________________________________________________


“Fuck!” I said as I watched PB’s taillights disappear.

“Jared and I have been trying to convince her to talk to you.” I heard a voice from behind me say.

I spun around and saw Nick standing behind me.

“Why won’t she just listen to what I have to say? I’ve tried everything to get her to listen. I just need everything to be alright again.” I said.

“She’s scared John. Nearly everyone she’s loved has left her. Her mother died, her father travels all the time, and you were the one person she thought she could count on but that got messed up too. You were the one that hurt her the most. Her heart’s still broken. I understand that it will stay broken until you guys fix things but she won’t listen when I tell her that.”

“I know I messed up. I just need her. During this past year and a half I’ve realized that I’ve been in love with her for so long and now that she’s out of my life it’s pointless.”

Nick looked at me and then said, “Well then don’t stop fighting for her. She has to come around eventually.”

“What if she doesn’t?” I muttered.

“You have to keep trying.” Nick just said and then went back inside.