Have No Fear

"I love New York." I sighed. the tour had taken us too New York and I was instantly in love with the city. I loved the busy streets, people hurrying and all the sounds everywhere. We had arrived a few hours earlier and after checking in too the hotel all the bands decided to explore the city.

We had split up our group as NY was too big to walk around with 13 people. My group consisted of Brad, Matt, Adam and Brian. I liked that I could spent some more time with Brad, although we lived in a bus together I rarely saw him as he was instant friends with the guys from Three Days Grace and he spent all his time on their bus. I also had the opportunity to spend some more time with Matt, he was the only one of this small group that I didn't really knew well as me and Adam regularly hung out due to our shared love of karaoke. And Brian, well I knew him alright.

It was a week ago since he had been sick and he was feeling all better again. We had continued our little arrangement just like before but something had changed, at least for me. Now, when we saw each other I didn't just want to jump him, I actually wanted to talk to him and get to know him better. Which we did, although we still slept together.
In this past week we had talk a little, he had told me more about his band and how the guys were like his brothers, him growing up being a pain in the ass and his family, which I could tell he loved very much.
In return I told him about my family, my parents who always supported me, about how Peter and I grew up together living next door from each other, and much more. We slowly started to become friends and I didn’t mind that, it just worried me. Since a few days I started thinking more and more about him and not only in a sexual way but I was also imagining him holding me in his big arms and us cuddling in the bunks. Sometimes I thought that maybe I started to like him in another way but I quickly put aside those thoughts, as I knew that that road was only leading to heartbreak.

We had just seen Times Square and we decided to hang out in Central Park as it was such an amazing day. I walked in between Matt and Brian as we walked the small distance to the park. Me and Brian were walking really close next to each other, I could almost feel his hand next to mine and I just wanted to grab it so that we walk there together, but I contained myself knowing that it wasn't possible, our band were here and so were a million other people.
We walked further to the park as I felt something brush my hand, my heart jumped but I was soon disappointed. It must have been an accidental brush and he hadn’t meant anything with it. I briefly glanced at him hoping for a hint that maybe it wasn’t an accident, but he just looked in front of him.
I let my hope go and walked further. Not a minute later I felt his hand touch mine again, this time it lasted longer but again the hand left my side. I looked at Brian but he just looked in front of him with a blank expression on his face. I wanted to slap myself for thinking that he had done it on purpose, that he had wanted to hold my hand. It were just my stupid feelings, who were making me imagine stuff.
The park was nearing and Matt went to walk next to Brad, who was walking in front of us. The moment Matt left our side Brian’s hand moved to mine, this time it was clear that I wasn't imagining anything. His hand enclosed around my small hand, I was surprised that he did that and in public, if one of the guys would turn around they would see it and we would be busted, or maybe there were fans around who would post it on the internet. I turned my head to look at him with a surprised look on my face, this time he looked at me, he saw the questioning look on my face but he just answered me with a smile.
The nerves left my body and I just smiled back at him, secretly I liked the fact that we could hold hands in public.

Not that long later we reached a nice spot in the park where we could sit. Me and Brian let go of each other’s hand as soon as we reached this spot. I wanted to hold hands longer as it was the first time that we walked around in public like that. But I knew with the other guys around that it wasn’t possible.
I laid down in the grass while the boys joined some other people in a game of tag football. I felt myself drift away, the touring had been very tiring and I hadn’t gotten much sleep lately. I almost fell asleep, when someone plopped down beside me. I lazily opened my eyes seeing Brad sitting near me, he was all sweaty from the game.
"You’re not falling asleep on me, right?" He laughed. "Mwah, the sun makes me all sleepy." I closed my eyes again hoping that I could fall asleep again but it didn’t work. Knowing that I wasn’t going to sleep anymore I shifted so I was leaning on my elbows. I watched the guys goofing off with their new found friends, but my eyes kept wandering to one guy in particular. There were several cute guys running around but Brian was getting all my attention especially since he was in the shirtless team.
"Earth to Kate." A hand waived in front of me and I realized that Brad was trying to get my attention. "Huh." I looked confused up to him, I had been too busy staring at Brian to notice Brad. My cheeks turned red as I realized that he had seen me staring at Brian. I was afraid that he would suspect something so I tried to think of something to say. "Sorry I was just thinking about… some new songs" I lamely made up.
"Yeah right, I'm not stupid I see how you look at him." He said with a smirk plastered on his face, knowing that he caught me. I didn’t respond, not knowing how to, but Brad beat me too it. "I don't care it's your life, just watch out I heard that he’s a real player." I stayed quiet for a minute, relieved when I realized that Brad didn't know about me and Brian, he just thought I liked him.
"No worry's, he's hot but that's all." We didn’t talk about it after that and the other guys soon joined us. We had to make our way to the buses as we still had to do the sound check.