Early Mourning

I leaned back on the couch in Larson's apartment. My body felt numb, yet normal. If I scratched my hand, I felt it but at the same time I didn't. It was as if I was a snake with shedding skin that hadn't quiet done so just yet. It scared me, it always did. My eyes slipped shut, my mind begging for rest but that was impossible. As soon as I closed my eyes the monster would start throwing out cards, making me see all I had done...

"Dane!" A high pitched scream pierced the air, taking me out of my blinded range. The monster huffed in annoyance and I stared down at my lover. Julian's blue eyes were clouded in fear, a small amount of blood coming out of his mouth as he sobbed. I looked at him bewildered, realizing I had my hand raised and in a fist, to strike him.

I pushed myself away from him and just sat there with my mouth agape. I felt my breath speeding up and I yanked at my hair, cursing at myself.

"Dane. . ." Julian whimpered. I looked at the blonde headed boy who's eyes were staring at the droplets of blood on the floor falling from his mouth. I rushed to him, cradling his face in my hands.

"Let me see" I urged. Julian shook his head and tried pulling away. "Baby, let me see" I pleaded. Julian opened his mouth wide and I looked at the cut on his inner lip. I felt myself begin to cry as I picked him up in my arms and brought to the restroom.

"Dane, don't cry" He said quietly, his big blue orbs looking up at me. Julian cupped my face with his hand. I shook my head, "How can you let me do this to you?" I asked.


"Dane!" Larson's voice called. I sat up quickly, the bones in my back popping. I hissed and looked up at him, his dragon eyes starring at me. I grunted at him to continue. "Are you okay?" He asked. The monster inside me began to grumble and growl, his best friend Anger getting riled up too.

"Don't worry about it" I hissed quietly. Larson huffed and crossed his arms. "Fucking Dane. You and your non-existent self respect."

I stood up quickly, the monster urging me on.

"Stop it." I spoke quietly. Larson shook his head and made his way to the kitchen. "Is grill cheese fine?" He asked. I yelled back a word of approval and sat back in my spot on the couch. I leaned back again, my whole body growing tired and aching.

Sleep.

I needed it so bad. My insides churned and my chest felt heavy. Falling into dream land sounds so intoxicating. My right hands dug my nails into my palm and I bit my lip. Emotions in me were going wild and I locked up the monster.

I focused on the times Julian was in my arms, his skin like heaven against mine. My body shuddered as I sank into the blissful abyss