My New Addiction

Stephen

I decided to rest in my room hours after we finished our practice for the Dirty Work Tour with All Time Low, Yellowcard and Hey Monday. To be honest, I never thought we’d go this far. Look at who we’re supporting, All Time fucking Low. Loud knocks our front door interrupted my deep thoughts and I had no choice but to man up and check who the hell could probably be the cause of my untimely death. I look through the peephole and see an unfamiliar face: It was Jess.

“Stephen, I know you’re there. Open up.” She said.
“Aww Jeff knows me better than I know myself.” I replied as I opened the door.

I couldn’t lie: She DID know me better than I know myself. We met when we were 14. I fell in love with her as soon as I heard her tapping to Blink-182. She was my first kiss. I spent every moment of my life with her. How can I not fall in love? Wait, Did I just say I fell in love with her? Shit, Stephen. Get your facts straight.

“I can’t sleep again. And I’m home alone. Can I stay here? “ she asked as she rubbed the sleepiness out of her eyes.
“Jess, you don’t need my permission. You’ve been staying here since God knows when. This is like, your second home.” My back was against the wall, my arms crossed. We stood in the hallway of my room, both of us facing each other. I was still in my day’s clothes but Jess changed into a pair of white shorts and a black top.

“Can I stay in your room though? I’ve been having weird dreams lately.”
‘Sure. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

I couldn’t get over the couch incident a while ago. Her face was so close to mine. I could’ve kissed her again… but I didn’t. Another thing added to Stephen’s regrets in life.

“No. Please. Stay with me.” She said. “I’ve been sleeping alone for three months and I just need company.”
“I’ll sleep on the bean bag then.”
“That’s more like it.” She said as she smiled and went up to my moonlit room and set my Mac Book aside.

“You know, I still don’t know why you never let the any of us inside your room.” Jess said as she sat on my bed, her legs crossed. I sat in front of her, taking the pillow beside her.
“I really don’t know. Maybe it’s because I like the privacy.”

False. I really don’t know why I keep those retards outside my room. It’s the silence I want. Not the privacy. Almost everything about my life, I keep it deep inside me. No wonder people call me h8 lyf.

“Privacy my ass. Our bedrooms are like, facing each other. I can see EVERYTHING you do from my room.” She said.

True. My room had this huge ass window that takes up an entire wall of my room. Good thing I had these blinds that covers that window with one pull. But most of the time, I’m too lazy to do it so my room’s just exposed to the entire world. So much for “privacy.”

Jess and I did something like the You Belong With Me music video years ago. We conversed through written messages that we flash for a couple of minutes. We ended up crumpling all of the papers we used and threw it on each other. Both of our parents reprimanded us because we ended up hitting the people below us and not our target. I like to think Taylor Swift copied us.

“Really?” I gave her a disapproving look.
“No, not really everything. I was just kidding.” She smiled then yawned.
“Go to sleep, Jessica.” I said as I messed up her hair, got off the bed and positioned myself on my blue bean bag.

“Stephen,” Jess said as she layed down on my bed.
“Yes, Jess?”
“How come I don’t see you hating life anymore?” She asked, smiling. Her body was under the sheets but her face remained visible.
“Because I have no reason to anymore.” I smiled. “Now, go to sleep, Jess.” I said as I pulled the blinds.

“One last thing,”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you, Stephen.”
“For what?” I asked.
“For being my friend. For everything.”
“No, Thank you.” I said as I kissed her forehead.

I went back to my beanbag after that and watched Jess sleep for about an hour. I didn’t watch her in a creepy way unlike Edward Cullen watching over Bella in Twilight. It was more of like “I just want you to stay there forever” watching. Did that even make sense?

Thoughts about Jessica filled my head. It’s weird how I never saw Jess as my sister even if I claimed to be the brother she never had. She’s the most amazing thing ever. She’s my musical soul mate, best friend and every other good thing in the world rolled into one. Every line I wrote, every song I sang, every note, everything I did was for her.
I’ve thought of leaving before. Leaving all the memories, the pain, the shit behind but I shook all those away as soon as she told me to never ever leave her side. She’s the reason I didn’t leave. I stayed because she wanted me to. Then she kissed me. And I kissed her back. That was over 3 years ago. I’m not so sure she still feels the same way.
Ever since that night, I changed my outlook on life. I decided to look on the brighter side of things instead of keeping them all on the dark side all because of Jessica. She moved me. She swept me off my feet.
Of course, Jess had her imperfections. That bitch never stops eating, I swear. She has this weird obsession with sushi and sandwiches but I still love her to death.

All I can ever do now is admire her from afar and keep all my feelings to myself.
If only she knew she’s the only thing that puts a smile on my face.
If only she knew she’s the only thing that keeps me up all night.
If only she knew…

Maybe I do love her. I’m just too scared to admit it to myself. There’s nothing else to do but fall.