Resistance Is Useless

Alex never told me exactly who Jennifer was and I couldn’t get it off my mind. I figured it was an ex-girlfriend. That would be the most logical thing. We were still on the rocks in our “relationship” of everything that’d happened. He apologized for flipping out on me in the car over Jennifer, in which I reluctantly forgave him.
He was practically by my side at all times to make sure I didn’t try anything. He or whoever else it was had already threatened me when I was held hostage after trying to fight back. I assured him I wouldn’t, but even I wasn’t sure of myself.

“Come out on the roof with me,” Alex walked in his bedroom while I was lying down. “It’s nice out.”
I looked at him skeptically but got up anyway, following him to the window. I grabbed one of his hoodies and slipped my arms through it. He went first and I stepped up on the window sill. He pulled me up and we sat together near the highest point. You could almost see the whole town from here.
“I hope you’re not afraid of heights,” He murmured in his ear making me shiver. He’d mistaken me shiver for me being cold and wrapped his arms around me.
“What, are you going to push me off and call it an accident?” I said bitterly. On the inside, I didn’t want him to let go of me. I could stay like this forever.

“Can you get rid of the bitchy attitude for two seconds?” He groaned. I looked up at him and then away again, keeping my mouth closed. “Jen, you know I’d never hurt you.”
I jerked away from him, “You just called me Jen.”
“I-I did?” He asked. I nodded slowly. “Sorry.”
I leaned back into him and tucked my feet under me. I wish I’d worn shoes out here. It was a little chilly, seeing as it was almost autumn. He called me Jen, as in Jennifer. There was an awkward silence.
“Was she pretty?” I asked quietly.
“Yeah,” He nodded. “She was gorgeous… like you.” I could tell he was trying not to think about it.
“You really loved her, didn’t you?” I whispered. He nodded again. “More than me?”
I was probably pushing it but I had to ask. He stayed quiet. I took that as a yes. I tried to shrug it off. It was my fault for asking.
“You’re not hurting me, Alex,” I said. “It’s okay.” I moved to his lap and buried my face in his shirt.
“I know,” He said, running his hands through my hair.

I put my arms around his neck holding him close to me. He kissed my hair and lifted my chin, making me face him. I froze, waiting for what was going to happen next. He hesitated and I did it for him, closing the gap between us. Our mouths meshed together the way they used to. I pulled away. I wasn’t supposed to do that… yet.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed, hugging him closer.
“Let’s go inside,” He said, moving me off of him.
I followed him back through the open window and he held onto my waist to make sure I didn’t fall. He grabbed my face and pushed his lips against mine roughly, leading me to the bed. I responded and kissed him back just as eager, tugging on his hair. I tried my best not to protest. This should’ve been the last thing on my mind to do with him. He was something else, not what I wanted or needed.
“I won’t hurt you,” I let him take control.

--

In the morning, I felt more foolish than I’d ever felt before. It wasn’t like last time where I was completely clueless to Alex. I snuck out the bed quietly and put my underwear on, covering myself with a t-shirt.
“Get up,” I said, throwing his boxers and his shirt at him. It hit him smack in the face.
He groaned and pulled his clothes off his face. “We’re back to this again?”
“Never came off it,” I snapped.
“I’m pretty sure we did last night,” He smirked, sitting up. I shifted my eyes from his chest and messy hair, walking out like I didn’t hear him.
I went down to the kitchen to make some coffee and find something to eat. I practically lived with him now, even if I didn’t want to. He’d apparently been the person to write that check that I never cashed. I should’ve known.
“Come on,” He said, coming down the steps a few minutes later. “Do you want me to get on my knees and tell you I love you? ‘Cause I’ll do it.”
“I don’t want you to tell me anything,” I muttered.
“Then why can’t you get over it”/ He asked.
“Alex, it’s not that. It’s not about the bank or holding me a hostage for a few minutes. You lied to me,” I said. “I don’t like liars no matter how cute or nice or funny you are, lying is lying.”
“So you’d accept it if I just came out and told you?” He asked, leaning against the counter.
“Well… no,” I admitted.
“That’s the exact reason I had to lie,” He explained in a ‘duh’ tone. He wasn’t taking me seriously. Before I had the chance to speak again he cut me off.

“Anything you want, ask. No more lying, I swear.”