Resistance Is Useless

“How’d Jennifer die?” Was the first question Karina asked. I instantly regretted telling her to ask me anything.
“You can ask anything else but that,” I said. “Please.”
“But you said I could ask anything! That’s not fair that you hide things from me,” She argued.
“I’m not hiding it from you, I just don’t want to talk about it,” I said.
“But I do!” She yelled childishly.
“It’s none of your business, Karina,” I said irritated. “But if you really must know…. She found out about us and the guys… stopped her.” I didn’t know any other way to put it.
I could see in her eyes that she knew what I meant by stopped.
“You did too?” She asked.
“No, no, I couldn’t,” I told her. “I swear I didn’t.”
“How many people have you then?”
“I don’t know, one,” I said.

“You’re lying,” She hissed, turning to stir her coffee.
“Okay, okay!” I touched her shoulder. “A few, only because they got in the way. It makes you do things out of character. I don’t kill people for the hell of it.”
“I don’t know how you sleep at night,” She said.
I shrugged. I mean, I did. Sometimes I thought about it but not too often. She asked a few more questions which I answered honestly even if I knew she wouldn’t like the answers. She sighed and picked up her mug, walking away from me.
“That’s it?” I asked. “I thought you’re ask more.”
“I don’t have anything else to say nor do I think I want to hear any more,” She said.
“I’m sorry,” I said for the thousandth time.
“I know you are,” She said, heading upstairs.

“No, you don’t,” I pulled her arm, turning her around. “because you’re not acting like it. I’m not a saint or a hero. I’m a liar and a train wreck, I know. You probably think I ruined everything but if you give me the chance to, instead of shutting me out, I’d make it up to you. I promise. Please.”
I wasn’t one to be sappy over a girl, but it needed to be said. I felt like I was really getting through to her when I saw her eyes water.
“How?” She whispered.

“I don’t know how, but I can try, right?” I said sincerely. “I’ll go back to being the guy at the diner or the park if you want. I just want you to be happy and stop regretting me.”
I could honestly say in the past months of being with her, I was in love with her without a doubt. I didn’t mind spending the rest of my life with her the way I wanted to with Jennifer.
“Are you kidding me?” She laughed half-heartedly while tears wet her face. I swallowed; I failed. “Any guy that apologizes to me like that and is willing to change can definitely have another chance.”
I smiled but knew she’d probably misunderstand. I said I’d change for her, not change my lifestyle.