Resistance Is Useless

I was getting tired of seeing the same letters in the mail every month. That’s the only time I went back to my apartment; to get my mail. I can’t pay my rent without a job and I can’t stay with Alex forever even if that’s what he wanted. Hell, I could barely pay anything without money. For all I knew, my lights were probably out by now. I only had enough money in the bank for food and cigarettes and I almost never went anywhere without Alex.
I sighed and slumped in the couch frustrated. Alex made life more confusing every day. One day he’s the bad guy, the next he’s apologizing for what he did. I admit, I did enjoy seeing him in a state of weakness but I had to give him a second chance. I knew that somewhere deep down, I was attached to him.
“What’s wrong?” I jumped at the sound of Alex’s voice. He leaned over the back of the couch.
“This,” I said, holding up the papers for him to see.
“I don’t get why you don’t just stay with me,” He mumbled, planting little kisses on my neck.
“I do like to feel independent sometimes, you know,” I said, tugging his hair and pulling him away. “I’m not in the mood.”
He sighed, “How much is it? You know what, whatever.”
“Alex, don’t,” I said, attempting to reach for his shirt before he could walk away. I groaned when I couldn’t catch him.
“Here,” He said a few minutes later, tossing a stack of bills in my lap. “Use it.”
I shook my head, “I don’t want to. It’s not mine.”
He scoffed, “It’s not mine either.”
“Well, we know that,” I said sarcastically. I picked it up and handed it back to him.
“If you have it, use it,” He said, firmly putting it back in my hand. “You either use it or your apartment just goes to waste.”
I ignored him and thought about it. I wasn’t stupid. He knew that if I took it, I’d have to keep my mouth shut. I’d be a part of everything. If I rat them out, I’m included. It was shady, but smart nonetheless.
“I can’t always depend on you,” I said.
“You can. Just this one time,” He said. “Kari, seriously, use it. I don’t care if it’s not for your apartment. Go shopping, just do something with it. I know you could use the money.”
He had me convinced. He knew me better than I knew myself.
“Fine,” I said, undoing the rubber band from it. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” He kissed my forehead. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” I gave him a weak smile and leaned into him.
An hour later I put all the envelopes in the mailbox for them to be picked up and sent to where they needed to go. I didn’t even know how much was in the stack Alex gave me, but it covered two months worth of rent, my phone bill, and my electricity bill, and there was still some left over.
I walked back up onto the porch and lit a cigarette, resting my arms on the rail. I couldn’t remember the last time I smoked this much, probably back in high school with the wrong people. I’d upped from a few a day to almost a whole pack from anxiety.
The front door creaked open and Alex’s arms snaked around my waist from behind me.
“Are you happy now?” He asked. “I’m trying.”
I looked over my shoulder at him and shrugged. “You could try harder. If I didn’t really need the money, I wouldn’t have taken it. You’re pretty damn good at getting people to do what you say.”
“Kari, I swear, that’s not even it. I don’t have any tricks up my sleeve, I was only trying to help you out,” He said, understanding what I was getting at.
A wave of relief came over me. I needed to stop thinking he was always up to something. But I’d done it to myself. I put out my cigarette and turned to face him.
“I believe you.”