We Can Make This Last

I literally sat on the bed and stared at the wall angrily. Of course I thought about what I had just learned, but what I was physically doing was quite pointless. Andrew and Maxwell are here—I’ve seen them for two days and THEY knew who I was… and they didn’t tell me… don’t they realize how long I’ve lived without them? How they promised to come back soon after they left but never did? They just left me to fend for myself… how could they not tell me… how could they just leave me in the first place… and how could they…

How could they?

I hate them. So much. They’re mean. Do they hate me and like to torture me while I hadn’t any idea of being tortured? Like, serious mindfuck. What the fuck were the odds of any of this happening, for one? This is why they kidnapped me… they knew it was me… but you know what? Now that I know it’s them, I want absolutely nothing to do with them. There’s no way I’m going to forgive them for abandoning me and raising my hopes up every now and then… and then I had to watch them fall… and I had to deal with shit on my own…

Fuck you.

Memories of the two of them in my past life flooded through my mind nonstop and I could not stop the tears that poured out of my eyes. Eventually, I opened the small closet door and entered it, sitting on the floor of it and shutting the door, crying softly.

A half an hour or so later, there were knocks on my door. “Taylor!” I heard. Max? The bus was moving. It’s been moving for a few minutes now. I guessed we were going to Ontario now but… ok, what is this kid doing on this bus?!

“Taylor, seriously, open the door!” Andy yelled.

… it’s not locked…

“What’s stopping you?!” I yelled. There was a pause and then the door opened.

“Wha--?” Andy asked softly.

“Under the bed?” Max suggested. I rolled my eyes and sniffled, wiping a tear away. “The closet!” I heard the door shut and mine opened. Max stood in front of me with a Motely Crue shirt that was way too small for him and skinny jeans that were really skinny—though not as skinny as Andy’s whatever he was wearing.

“You’re—Hey…” Max said softly. “What’s… why?” He asked, his green eyes looking into mine with concern. I looked away and sniffled again, shaking my head and trying to find the words to describe what I was feeling.

“What’s going on? I’m having the worst week of my life. Berklee’s gone, my friends hate me, my mother and father hate me, I was hanging around my ex boyfriend and ex best friend who PROMISED to come back after they left and never did and I didn’t even know it was them? And I was kidnapped and drunk and I hate everything right now and I just want…” I sighed. “I don’t even know. This closet smells like boy funk! I’m a shy fuck and can’t keep a conversation without being mad and I basically hate you both right now so fucking much!”

Max and Andy looked at each other and then back at me.

“She has like, every right to feel like this,” Max said.

“Don’t you say ‘she’ like I’m not here, you fucktwit.” I growled at him. His eyebrows went up when I said that and he looked at Andy again for some help, I’m guessing. Andy sighed and crouched down, sitting in front of me with a small smile. He hugged his legs and looked at me.

“Hey, Tay,” I whimpered. He used to always do that when we saw each other all the time. It rhymed… “You know I will be forever guilty and I will forever feel bad for what I’ve done to you—making a promise I couldn’t keep and making you believe that it would still be kept—but I apologized for the kidnap and now I’ll apologize for not being there for the past few years. I always did think of you… I missed you a lot… I know Maxi-Pad did—” Max smacked his head and sat down on the floor in front of me, next to him.

“You never left my mind. You may have crossed his but you just stayed. I’m not kidding!” Max yelled the last part when I looked at him disbelieving at his words. “I loved you then, we talked for a bit, sure… but I don’t honestly know what happened, but we lost connections and… I missed you even more ever since.”

“Please like you haven’t screwed a gazillion girls.” I broke out, my voice shaking.

“You’re ridiculous,” Max said, his eyes narrowing and looking confusedly at me. “If I did, it’s not because I loved them like I loved you, so you can just forget about girls I’ve seen, ok? Because with a hundred percent confidence and honesty, you were the best.”

“Go be your sarcastic self again and stop putting on an act for me. You guys are different out there with your band and fans and on stage. Jesus fucking Christ—”

“Hey,” They both said. “Calm down,”

“Let’s not change the subject from our rockstar image to our personal image towards you,” Andy said. “I’m serious. Maybe we can just talk this out very seriously—apologize better than we just did, make some promises for the next few months and keeping them, deciding what to do with you because, well, you’re definitely not going back there,” I small laugh broke into my sobs. “And… we’ll set aside time for you since I know that you haven’t seen Max too much already and since you’re bunking in here, you see me more… and we’ll catch up, if you don’t mind, if anyone objects… no? I think it’ll be fine, then if we just do that.”

I nodded slowly and looked at my feet before looking up at Max and taking in his features. I bit my lip at the paleness of him and his longer hair, and snakebites, nose ring, choppy black hair that was right up at his shoulders and perfectly messy. His green eyes bore into mine, and I recognized the Max I knew back then still in there. A smile tugged at the end of my lips and I sniffled. Max reached to my face and wiped the leftover tears with his thumb.

“How is it that Andy’s the mature one… yet he’s the youngest?” I asked Max. Max shook his head and shrugged. “But fine… but I’m not going to take you back as a best friend…” Andy’s eyes widened softly. “Nor am I going to forgive either of you.” Max’s eyes casted down to the floor. “And there isn’t a thought in my head about being your girlfriend again, Maxwell.” I said softly. He looked up at me, and I bit my lip at the way his eyes looked. He shouldn’t care… he doesn’t… but his eyes say something totally different…

Andy’s mouth opened and he looked at me like I was crazy. “Are you crazy?!” I raised an eyebrow at him. “We’re two peas in a fucking pod.”

“That was back then.”

“NO!” Andy yelled. “We’re brother and sister, remember?”

“Mmmmhm,” Max agreed. “You two were attached at the hip.” I sighed and rolled my eyes, pretending I wasn’t listening, yet everything Andy said and the way Max looked at me… and the fact that they kidnapped me and have shown some interest already… makes me feel like I’m still cared for…

“You have to earn everything back. I’ve been through things while you were gone and I have not trust for anyone any longer.” I told them, making it final. The two rockers looked at each other and then back at me, nodding tightly. I smiled softly and stood up from the closet. “’Scuse me.” I told them. They stood up and made their way to the door, and I sat on my bed. They looked at me and I them.

But then we moved at the same time, rushing and determined. I crawled at the end of the bed and brought my legs over, standing and they jumped over to my side, and I was engulfed in the tightest hug by the two of them. I hugged both of them to me and sighed happily.

But I still don’t forgive them.

“…’kay bye.” I said, and pulled away from them, climbing on my bed again and getting in the covers. I grabbed my Jane Eyre book from the nightstand and looked at their rejected faces. I laughed like a little mischievous kid and shook my head. “Ohhh this’ll be fun.” I said, flipping to Chapter XIV and continuing the reading. Mr Rochester is such a jerk so far.

I’m terrible. Max threw me a boyish smile that made my stomach do somersaults and Andy made a heart with his hands, which made me feel warm inside.

The truth is that, sure, I’m ecstatic that I can get along with them now. I’ll still remember and still feel the scars they left and how they just promised something they couldn’t keep, how they left me to run around in hell all alone, but I can deal with it and look at what was happening now. Right now, I was on tour with good bands—two of which will probably become like family—and what Andy had said, how we could catch up and talk about what will happen after the tours end. I wonder where I would go…

Tomorrow is Ontario and the next day is California. I’m guessing LA, and then it’s over. We’ll have to decide where I’m going to stay at soon.

I want to stay with Shawn of Alesana or Chris or Ricky from Motionless in White, or Johnny from Get Scared. Not even kidding. I’d kill to live with them for a few weeks. I’ll bunk with Escape the Fate and Black Veil Brides more at Warped and maybe sneak in some of the other band’s busses, but I’d really wanna hang with the other bands for a bit.

Ricky drives me insane, anyways. I can’t stop looking at the kid. Chris is just a hella nice dude and I’m envious of how many piercings he’s got and how he can pull off his haircut so fucking well. I jumped, remembering something, and I got off the bed and walked out of my room.

“Hey?” I called out. “OH, darn. Now I have to wait.” I pouted. I had forgotten to ask Johnny to tattoo my arm. I’m so peeved. I have to wait until we get to the next venue, then. I sighed and went back into my room to sleep.

---

“Johnny!!” I yelled, quick-step running over to him and flailing my arms a little. He smirked softly. “Tattoo my arm!”

“Sure thing. After the show?” I nodded with a smile. “Alright, kiddo.”

“Rock it,” I added, and skipped away from backstage and off the side , upstairs and finding the merchstand where Jessika, Kyle, Luke and Emmeline were. They already seemed to like me. Jessika was thankful that I was here because, for some ridiculous reason, Motionless in White didn’t have a merch guy anymore?

This whole incident happened in the morning through the afternoon. He quit or something? Well, Angelo and T.J had this rad idea that I do it for them, and I was all confused since I thought I was going to help Jessika, so then they said “No! Go be Motionless in White’s merchgirl!”

So I am.

The doors to the venue opened, and kids already started piling in. Of course, many of them came here and I immediately started taking their money and giving their shirts and CDs and bracelets and who knows what. It was fun and tiring but I got to talk to my fellow merchees a lot.

And… then at one point, T.J decided to take the liberty to come up and see how I was doing. He’s not smart.

“T.J!” Some kids yelled. “Hey, T.J? T.J! Ohmigosh.”

“What are you doing? Trying to get yourself killed? Seriously not your smartest move.” I told the guitarist.

“Seeing how things are goin’.”

“So Joshua goes by his last name?” I asked.

“Yep,”

“Kay, thanks for telling me.”

This kid is nuts.

“RUN T.J!” I yelled. And the smallest member ran off towards backstage again. Only a few girls actually chased him. I smirked. He shouldn’t have risked it. He should’ve waited til his set was over—which is actually in a few… oh jeez, I hope he makes it.

When Motionless in White was done with their set, Black Veil Brides came on. I bobbed my head to their music—not headbanging like I did with Motionless’ music—and they paused when they finished singing We Stitch These Wounds.

“Is it ok if I vent?” Andy said into the mic, his deep voice loud as fuck with the speakers. I looked up at the stage, wondering what he was going to vent about. No one was actually coming to the merchstands now—maybe one or two every ten minutes, but usually not—the crowd responded by yelling or something. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited.

“So, as a kid—no matter how young, but usually when I was in middle school and at the beginning of high school—I was often teased or bullied because of the way I looked or because of my interests.” Some kids yelled in outrage. “And I had a hard time dealing with everything, but I had my best friend at my side.” I couldn’t help the smile that broke out on my lips. That was indeed a horrible thing they did to him in school. “And how do I repay her?” He asked. “I left her for the band.” I was kind of shocked at how quiet it was. I guess the crowd was actually listening. “And years later, I see her, and I kidnap her, and of course, she hates my guts.” Some kids softly laughed. “And it’s not like I don’t deserve it, but she agreed to at least be kind to me. I’d like each and every one of you to go up and see her today and give her a congratulations for all of the shit I put her through because she’s the bravest bridesmaid I’ve ever seen, and you guys are all just as brave as her. Congratulations to you, too.” And then he said a huge speech about being yourself and not giving a fuck.

Someone yelled, “Where’s she at?!” at the end of his speech.

“Merch stands,” He told them. “This song goes out to everyone who fought against the wrongs and found their light…” blah, whatever he said, and he played Knives and Pens.

Well, kids came up to the merch stands now. I may kill the boy.

“Hi,” I said to someone who came up.

“Congratulations,”

Oh God.

That went on for the whole set and it died off, eventually, and I had half a mind of stabbing Andy while he sleeps tonight. Just half a mind. Of course, I should have expected something from Escape the Fate, also, but it caught me by surprise when they paused in between songs and started blah blah blahing…

“So Max has been giddy lately,” Craig said. My eyes shot up at the stage and I wanted to kill everything. Max’s boyish smile popped up. His hair was a bit wavy right now and I fought the wanting urge to hug him even if I was way over here and he was way over there. “Like, giddy as fuck, as in he’s been extremely happy.”

The crowd went nuts because of that.

“His ex girlfriend’s been around and he hasn’t seen her since, oh, how many years, Maxwell?” Craig asked. What the fuck they do with the way they walk, stand, and crouch and do shit with their hands? It’s hilarious, and that’s why the crowd laughs.

“Oh, like four years.” Max said into the mic.

“And the guy is head over heels for this girl STILL. The sad thing? They never really broke up. It ended before either of them knew it did.”

AWWWW. Fuck. I held up my hand high and stuck my middle finger up at them.

“Oh, she’s flippin’ us off.” Max said, laughing.

Not the best night.

“So Max is happy. He sees her and he’s like ‘Oh my God, Craig,’” He took a pause and smirked. “I’m still in love with this girl from senior year. But she hates me.’ And I said to Max, ‘Maxwell, look at you. She’s going to stop hating you in four seconds because even YOU all know,” the crowd yelled. “That this guy is great.”

This is dumb.

“And then this kid talks to her—”

“Kid?” Max asked. “Dude, I’m older than you.”

Craig looked at Max and gave him a look. “This kid talks to her and she said ‘Fine, I’ll be a friend but I’m not forgiving you. I’ll be your friend, but not your girlfriend.’ This is where the funny part comes. Andy Six told me that when he left the room or whatever, he—”

“Why are you humiliating me?” Max asked. Ok, now I was curious.

“He—”

“I’ll kill you, man.” Max said. “Don’t think I won’t.” Robert and Monte were smirking at this point.

“And he started jumping up and down and kinda did this dance that went sort of like this,” Craig said, and he jumped up and down, twirled around and fist pumped in the air, but then purposely fell. “And yeah.”

“I’ll kill you.”

I’ll kill THEM.

---

“Thanks, Johnny.” I said, smiling at the signatures now tattooed on my arm. I hugged him and made my way out of the Get Scared bus and said a brief hello to Ryan and Balz who were outside talking to fans, and I went in the Black Veil Brides bus.

“The fuck is the matter with you?” I asked Andy. He smirked. “You’re so annoying.” I muttered, walking off to the bathroom and brushing my teeth.

What an obnoxious fucking night. Can’t wait til this nightmare’s over.