Every Musician's Fan After the Curtain Goes Down

I've never really understood why I always had a rebellious edge to me. I mean, I did grow up in a strict Catholic home and got put in a private Catholic school in 5th grade. I had to leave all my public school friends and suffer alone for the rest of the school year.
Don't mistake what I'm saying. They were all really nice kids. They were just scared. Scared to talk to the new girl because she got sent to the principal's office on the first day for uniform violation. And on the second day for singing 'inappropriate' music during class.
So basically after those two days straight of listening to the principal lecture me about the importance of rules, my parents put the leash on and didn't let up.

So that brings me to telling this story. The story of a common whore? Possibly. The story of an insane woman? I wouldn't say insane, but that's true also. The story of someone who has no idea what the real love of a man feels like? Also an option.

I stared at my house phone for what seemed like hours. I couldn't believe anything James, my gay best friend, just told me. We had enough money put together to buy tickets and backstage passes to see Michael Jackson's Bad Tour in Los Angeles, November 13, 1988. I wasn't even focused on the things I usually plan out for a concert. For example, how I'm gonna sneak backstage and find a musician to mess around with. I was planning on sleeping outside of the ticket booth to make sure James and I got our money's worth.

* * *

"You actually slept with Joe Perry?" James asked me while I got all dressed up for the concert.

"I thought I told you that story," I smirked at him innocently.

"C'mon. Aerosmith? Really? You're gonna end up with a disease or somethin, all these guys you been with," he mumbled. James was a skinny Puerto Rican with skin a shade tanner than mine, beautiful dark brown hair and pretty green eyes. What he said somehow shook me.

I stared in the mirror for a second. I was seeing a flash of my old self as his voice faded in the background.

"GIRL!" he yelled for the thousandth time.

"Huh?" I replied, still dazed.

"The cab is here damn! Hurry up. We worked too HARD to get these tickets and miss it. Now let's go girly."

"Oh yeah..." I shook my head, "I was just looking at how good you did this make-up."

He laughed and pulled on my arm so I'd get away from my reflection.

"Oh yeah I caked you up good girl."

"Anyway..." I began to change the subject quickly before I looked back at myself, because I was afraid I'd still see the old me again.

It was still a good 5 hours before the concert, but already the traffic was insane. Our cab driver turned on the radio at our request and they we sat in the sea of cars, singing to the top of our lungs, trying to pass time.

When the concert finally started, I looked around and saw girls passing out all around me. I looked over at James like 'Oh my gosh.' He smiled at me, obviously glad we were right in 3rd row. After all the camping out for tickets, we finally got our reward.

* * *

I'll never go to another concert as long as I live, and feel that way. It was the most thrilling thing my life and I didn't even have to sneak backstage to feel that satisfaction I usually get from concerts. But considering that James and I specifically waited weeks just to get backstage passes, we went anyways. I wrung my hands together nervously fearing that we may not see Michael before he left. 'Man In The Mirror' was still going on and we waited patiently for Michael to come off stage.

“I hope we meet him,” James mumbled underneath his breath, glancing over at me with the same type of nervousness in his eyes.

“Looks like I do hafta work tonight,” I commented back at his confused expression.

“Lacey…” He trailed as I approached the bodyguard who had let us in.

“Just go with it,” I mouthed to James, as he fanned himself in exhaustion. I approached the guard with my best seductive smirk, but keeping a sense of desperation in my eyes.

“Excuse me sir…” I began as he turned to notice me, “My friend over there isn’t feeling too well. Actually, the truth is he hasn’t been feeling well for awhile. He’s very sick with a strange virus and I brought him here to give him…a last celebration. I just need to guarantee that he’ll see Michael.”

Over the years I’d become good at deceiving people with lies. The thing about this statement was it was actually somewhat true. James had HIV and it made it hard for him to get close to anyone. In fact, it was hard for anyone in the 80s with ‘gay cancer’ to get close to anyone. I was one of the few people who knew anything about the sickness spreading through his body or even the fact that he was gay. He’s only actually ever had one boyfriend in his life and got the HIV from a woman. Then again, no one would ever believe that after finding out he recently discovered he was homosexual. If anyone could bring me down from my high horse, it was him. Though I was using the virus for mainly my own personal gain, I could see the appreciation on his face.

The bodyguard glanced from my eyes to him and James automatically made himself look more tired, leaning against a near by wall. The bodyguard moved his eyes to examine my exposed body. I wore denim cut off shorts, a gray scoop neck t-shirt, fish net thigh high socks, black wedges, black aviator sunglasses and a leather biker jacket that I had to lay over my arm because of the heat in the stadium. I could tell that he liked the exposure of my breasts, so I crossed my arms and sighed, pushing up my chest and kept up that desperate look in my hazel eyes. While I kept going on with my excuse, I slowly got closer and closer to him until I was close enough for him to smell the fresh mint of the 3rd piece of gum I’ve chewed during the concert. Another guard that was in the area smirked over at the guy I was currently talking to.

“Alright, stand over here,” he finally responded, trying to act like he didn’t like the way I was touching him. I knew he did though.

“Thanks,” I responded, walking over to the spot he told me to stand and James walked over next to me. The bodyguard went back over to his spot and went back and forth on the radio with somebody else. While I tried hard to read his lips I felt James’ hand clutch hard to my arm as Michael’s voice said the last words on the song, ‘Make that change…’. I could feel him, for a just a second, without actually touching him and I closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes when the backstage are turned into chaos.

“Come with me,” another bodyguard I hadn’t seen before told me, grabbing my arm and pulling me away from James.

“What the hell?! What about my friend? We were supposed to…” I began, confused as to what his plans were. He interrupted me mid-sentence.

“Don’t worry. You’ll meet Michael. Well he will. You have to prove how much you want it,” he explained. I should’ve known he was taking me into the men’s restroom to pay my toll. I could feel the evilness he had to him. For some reason I always knew what kind of person someone was before actually getting to know them. A talent I hadn’t been using and often ignored.

He led me into the stall at the end of the restroom and locked the door behind us. He pushed me down on to my knees and quickly began to unzip his pants. I tried to disguise my disgust for this big Hispanic looking man who was not cute in the slightest. When he got a condom on, I let him guide me into the price of meeting Michael. To keep myself from gagging anytime I heard a moan escape from his lips, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine I was giving this pleasure to someone else. Surprisingly my mind landed on Michael and I kept my eyes shut and eventually found myself making up the sound of his moans in my head. By doing that, I found myself getting a lot more into it. It wasn't until bodyguard #3 [as I nicknamed him] forced me to look up at him, that I snapped out of my fantasy.

When he finished, he hurriedly got rid of the evidence and helped me up off my knees. He led me out the secluded restroom and led me down a hallway with doors lining the walls, I figured were the dressing rooms. When we got close to a door farther down, I heard a soft sobbing I knew had to be James. I'd only heard him cry like this once and it was when we were watching my dog,a golden retriever, being put to sleep. The dog, Bob, was like his dog as well and it was very painful to see him go. I suppose James must've cried when he found out about the HIV, but I was not in town when he got the news. Bodyguard #3, lightly knocked on the door and it was opened by Michael's manager.

"Thank you," Michael's manger, Frank Dileo, pulled me into the room. Frank was a short, fat man with a slicked back ponytail. Pretty much opposite of Michael who I made eye contact with moments later. Michael was holding onto James' shoulder as he assured him 'everything will be okay.' I stood there for a few seconds, looking at him and taking in his whole presence. His brown eyes stayed on mine for a few seconds and I automatically felt my face get hot. Then I tried to play it off like I was messing with my bangs, as he leaned his face towards James' ear. Whatever he said made James wipe his tears and laugh softly and whisper back to Michael. James's was a good 5 inches taller than Michael, but still Michael seemed like the tallest person in the room. Especially compared to Frank and I. I was 5'3-ish and Frank was about an inch shorter if I hadn't had heels on.

Getting irritated because I was pretty sure they said something about me, I went over and hugged James tightly, secretly pinching him on his side because of it. James giggled and pulled me away to introduce me to Michael.

"This is my best friend," he said, still laughing at the pout I was trying to disguise. Michael gently pulled up my hand and kissed the top of it with his warm lips.

"Nice to meet you Lacey..." he told me, not letting go of my eyes for even a second. He smirked at me as I slowly processed that he already knew my name.

"Nice to meet you too Michael," I replied, unable to hide the shaking of my hand. I pulled it out of his gently and hid both shaky hands behind my back. They couldn't stay there for long, because Michael came up to me and hugged tightly. I never knew that someone could give such a rush from just one hug, but he accomplished that in just the first minutes of meeting him.

"Alright, Michael has somewhere to be now," Frank told me, gesturing James and me to the side. Michael let go of me, but held my eyes for a few seconds. I felt my heart drop as he pulled away and the chaos arrived again. Bodyguards entered the room and led James and I toward an exit of the stadium. Before we got to the door, a guy ran up to me and asked me for my phone number. When I hesitated he said the information was for Frank. I wondered what he could possibly want with my name, number and address, but I gave to him anyway.
When James and I finally got led outside, there were still fans waiting to catch a last glimpse at Michael walking out to his car. When it finally hit me that I'd met and had contact with the same man I'd watched moved on stage that night, I felt myself getting light headed. I was going to a weightless place inside my head while James called for the bodygaurds to help me up. That's the last thing I remember before waking up on my coach late the next day.

Not only was James my best friend, but we also shared a house together where we worked on clothes. Our 'normal' day jobs consisted of me being a nurse at an LA hospital, and him managing a JCPenny.

When I got up that morning, I had to hurriedy shower and get out of my clothes from last night in order to make it to my afternoon shift, which is usually pretty busy in the emergency room on account of children hurting themselves. I hated to see a child cry after receiving something requiring a couple stitches to something as big being hit by a car while riding their bike in the street. I may not have been phased by any man that crossed my path, but I was phased by hurting children. Which is why when I worked in the E.R., I tried to make sure I got kids to be in charge of. Even the craziest of people have to have a soft side. Without conflicting emotions where exactly would my head be?
That day kind of flew by easily. It was almost like the night before hadn't happened. Even when people asked about the concert, I kept my mouth shut about actually getting in Michael Jackson's arms and fainting afterwards. That part still gets to me.

"A good 'groupie' like yourself should never admit that to anyone else in the world," James told me when I got back from work early that night. Now, I hate to use the word 'groupie' to describe myself, but it's true. There was no emotional connection when I was laid up in bed with Joe Perry, Aerosmith's guitarist, for example. It just made me feel important to get that sort of attention out of all the other girls they could be giving it to.

"I know James. I don't even know what came over me. I still can't stop thinking about him..." I mumbled the last part as James went to go answer the house phone. I walked over to where he stood, leaning against the closet door near the wall where the phone was attached, and laid my head on his shoulder. When I heard the person on the other line say my name, I gave James a confused look. He just smirked at me and walked inside the closet to finish the conversation so I could no longer hear the person on the other line, but just him. I pressed my ear against the door and listened closely.

"This is James by the way...yes nice to hear you again too...she can't talk right now but I will definitely let her know. Actually, I'll bring her over tomorrow evening.I...Seven? Okay...I'm sure she'll be very glad to have it back...you don't have to thank me...Really...hahaha...it's okay...alright...you too...bye," he finished up the conversation and stepped away from the door as if I hadn't heard a thing.

"Sooo...what was that about?" I asked him, as he came out and hung up the phone.

"I was gonna tease you and try and drag it out, but I'm too excited to hold it in," he began, putting his hands on my shoulders,"Frank called earlier and told me you left your leather jacket in Michael's dressing room last night and he wants to give it back to you."

I felt my eyes go big as I held onto his elbows.

"Turns out Michael felt the need to call himself just now and invite you to dinner tonight. Of course, being me, I thought you needed time to prepare so I said you weren't free 'til tomorrow. He didn't protest one bit. Better go put together your most drop-dead outfit Huggles."

"Oh my gosh! Thank you Smoochies!" I leaped and hugged him tightly, after using our corny ass nicknames for each other.

"Yeah yeah. Just one thing: Don't fuck it up."

Loaded statement for me huh?