I Hope You're as Happy as You're Pretending

CHAPTER SEVEN: I’ve Got to Get Out, Or Figure This Shit Out
February 11, 2011 - Boise, ID
Kristie handed me a coffee, as I took a seat next to her at the table. The guys’ were still asleep, leaving us to be the only two awake. She was on her phone, and with the way it sounded and the way she was carefully phrasing things, it was with her baby doctor. She left open long silences, while she figured out how to phrase them to sound better than they were, but to me, it sounded like she was worried about going into labor. I wasn’t going to scare her, I was sure her doctor could do a good job of that, himself.

“Thanks,” she said into the phone, before setting it down on the table, and quickly turned it off. She looked toward me, quickly trying to get rid of the worry and confusion that covered her face. It was replaced with the best smile she could muster at this very moment. “How was Jorel?”

“Stop it,” I could feel my cheeks flush from the question, as I dropped my head down into my hands. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to exactly talk about my sex life with Jorel with anyone. It wasn’t anything special, I was sure he had sex with many girls. I was just another notch in the belt, and no matter how much I didn’t want to think about it like that, I was sure that was the case. I didn’t want to be another notch, but the more and more we fucked around, and the more and more he didn’t seem engaged in the rest of my every day life, it seemed like that was the case.

“You’re blushing,” she laughed. “Is he good in the sack? He must be, with how red you’re turning.” I looked up at her, seeing the large smile she had across her face. She was amused by my emotional pain.

“Seriously, stop it. How’s that labor pain coming along?” She glared at me for a moment, but ignored my comment, and I knew at that moment, she wasn’t going to let it get to her, she was going to take it in stride and she wasn’t going to go to the doctor until she absolutely wanted to. I didn’t like it, and I wasn’t going to pressure her too much, that was up to her. She was going to do what she wanted to do, no matter what I told her.

“I can’t believe you hit that, right after ZV came to see you.” I glared at her, and the grin on her face grew. I wished that she would listen to me, at least once in her life. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to talk with her about it, let alone anyone else. Jorel obviously didn’t find our relationship serious, and I guess there wasn’t any reason why I should have, either. I wasn’t going to turn it into something it wasn’t, even if this shit did continue to pain me. I didn’t like doing that, that wasn’t the person I was, but yet, I was still there, fucking him.

“This has nothing to do with Zack or anyone else, for that matter. Please, just stop. There’s nothing to tell.” She sighed, and I hoped she felt defeated enough to stop asking me these questions.

“Just want to know if he’s good in the sack. George is getting pretty boring.” I laughed, and she gave me a large grin. She wasn’t being serious about George’s lack of skill, she just wanted any detail I had to give her about Jorel and I. She wouldn’t quit until I spilled my guts.

“Hey now!” I looked back toward the voice, watching George stuff one hand down his pants and set the other one on top of his head, itching in both places. No one would believe how many times I had seen that out of all of the guys this tour, so far. It had been only seven days, and I could factually say that I had seen it more times than I could count on my fingers.

“Oh George, you’re so civilized,” she informed him. He pulled his hand out of his pants, and held out his middle finger toward her. “Come here and do it, George. Just fucking do it already. Quit fucking teasing me.” I set palm on my face, and gave my head a few slow shakes. This was like, the ultimate face-palm moment.

“What? Fuck you?” I looked toward her, watching her give him a nod. “I’m all over that ass.”

“Okay, so awkward.” I slid out of my seat. They made me want to disappear for a while. I couldn’t take these awkward questions anymore.

“Oh, hey, how was Jorel?” I stared at George for a moment, while Kristie laughed from beside me.

“Why are both of you one in the same?”

“Well, no one else has fucked Jorel. Its a valid question.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“You’re a letdown. Come on, wife. Let’s go get some breakfast.”

“No, that’s okay George,” she answered, and I looked toward her, hearing the pain in her voice. It looked like she was clutching her stomach. She was going to have that baby sooner than she wanted.

“You okay?” George asked her, pushing me out of the way and going to her side. I sighed, leaning myself against the counter of the kitchenette.

“I’m fine,” she answered, and George looked in my direction. I could see the fear in his eyes, and I put my hands up. I didn’t know what he wanted me to do. I couldn’t give help her give birth to the baby. Best thing I could do was call an ambulance, and he could do that himself. “Kid is just kicking. Stop it, fucking kid.” I shook my head, as George looked back toward her. He was skeptical, as he should have been. She was ready to burst.

“Maybe we should have you looked at.” He slid out of his seat, and pulled her toward him. She didn’t fight him, because she knew what was about to happen, but stayed sitting.

“I’m afraid if I open my legs, this baby is just going to fall out.”



I stood on the side of the stage, watching the seven men play their set. George had been fidgeting all night, not concentrating on the songs, but rather, on his phone, that he checked after every song. He was waiting for news about Kristie and his baby, but nothing had come through yet. She was still at the hospital, all these hours later, with no signs of giving birth just quite yet. Her water had broken and so forth, but they baby must have been content enough to hang out in the womb.

They were about half way through Everywhere I Go, when George came in my direction, holding his microphone and sunglasses down by his side, ignoring all the parts that they were supposed to back up Jordon with. He had his phone in his other hand, and he was typing away with his thumb, to whoever was on the other line. I assumed it was Kristie, and I also assumed that she was ready to have that kid.

“Baby is a go,” he told me, handing over his microphone, hat and sunglasses that he had placed inside the hat. I made sure that I turned his microphone off, as one of the crew came over, and began to take off the rest of the gear from him that had to do with operating the wireless microphone. In the process, he had taken off his hoodie, and also had handed it over to me.

“Be careful,” I told him, and handed over the set of keys I had to the rental car to him. He took them from me quickly, before practically sprinting out the door. I handed everything George had handed to me to the crew member, who took everything and disappeared.

He had returned by the time Hollywood Undead had finished Everywhere I Go, and quickly began to help the guys’ from Stone Sour’s crew take down the rest of the stage set up, and I took the microphones and equipment from the guys. Once I had everything packed away, I noticed that they had all disappeared besides Jorel, who had the lock case with their masks in his hand.

“GIve me that, Jay,” I told him, holding out my hand toward him. He shrugged his shoulders, and took a step away from me, being just out of my reach now. I wasn’t about to move too much and spill everything out of this case and to the floor. “Jorel, come on.” He didn’t listen, and just clung to the case like his life depended on it. It would, if he were to lose it, that was for sure. He knew how much those masks ran, and the one that was his, came out of his pocket. That was the last case he wanted to lose.

“Where’d George go?” I sighed, closing the case that I had with the microphones in it, before handing it over to the crew member who was waiting to take it. He ran off, and Jorel handed me the case with their masks in it.

“George went to the hospital,” I answered quickly, letting the case dangle at my side by my fingertips. “Kristie’s having little Jordan.” He nodded, and then pulled his phone out of the pocket of his jeans. He seemed infatuated with it for the moment.

“I’m surprised he made it that long through the set. I thought he’d just leave earlier and be with her. I was surprised he came back.” I shrugged my shoulders, as he looked back up at me. “What do you want to do tonight?” I raised my eyebrows at him. He had never showed any interest in doing anything before besides having sex. “What? Come on.” He held out his hand toward me.

“Jorel, there something wrong with you?” He gave me a goofy look.

“I don’t know what you mean.” I shook my head, deciding that getting into it with him would be worse than going with it at this moment. “You going to come or not?”

“It depends,” I answered. “What are we going to do?” He shrugged his shoulders, and I began to follow him out of the venue. We were back at the bus moments later, getting swept past Dylan and Jordon, both who had clothes in their arms, obviously going back into the venue for a shower.

“We can do anything you want to,” he answered as I set the case on the table, sliding it back toward the backside of it, where they stayed while they weren’t in use. “I guess we could go see the new Ragan child.” I shook my head. It could be hours before she actually had it, and then she probably didn’t want to see us there just quite yet. I was sure that she wanted time with George and the baby. She would be overwhelmed with everything in no time.

“No, that’s okay. Just go do what you need to do. You don’t have to spend time with me.” I waved him off, pulling my phone out of my pocket, before sliding past him and back toward the bunks. I rolled into my bottom bunk, and closed the curtain behind me. I set the phone against the side of my head, listening to it ring.

“Hello?” I smiled at the sound of his voice.

“Hi Biggie.” He sighed. He knew that I only called him when I was having trouble with my band, and right now, I had huge trouble with them. I didn’t know what to do, but I was sure that he didn’t know what to do, either. I was sure that he had never slept with any of the bands that he has worked for, but now I just needed someone to talk to, and the person I would normally talk to was having a baby. I was sure Kristie didn’t want to talk right now about my issues. She had her own issues.

“Hi Jessica,” he answered back as I turned on the light of my bunk, and rolled onto my side, looking at the wall. “What’s going on this time?”

“Kristie’s having a baby and I wanted someone to spew to.” He gave me another sigh.

“So you do it to me? Why don’t you call Bobby?” I felt a small smile pull at the corner of my lips. Bobby was someone that I had meet through Eighteen Visions almost two years ago. He had been the most depressing kid I had ever met. Lately, since he had moved from Pittsburgh to Los Angeles, he had become more of a bro.

“Bobby is in Europe,” I answered, and Biggie sighed. “Come on, Nick. Just listen, please.”

“Who are you with?” It was the normal questions he was going to run through now. He knew most of the bands I toured with, and gave me pretty good advice on how to deal with each one, but I wasn’t too sure that he could help me out right now. I wasn’t sure if he knew these guys, but when he didn’t, he would still attempt to help me out with generalized information.

“Hollywood Undead.” He stayed quiet for a moment.

“You really should talk to Kristie about them. She’s been with them for a long time.” I sighed. “I know that she’s having her baby with a member of Hollywood Undead, but I’m sure whatever it is, it can wait.”

“Just want someone to talk to, Biggie. You could humor me for once.”

“I’m sorry, Jess, I’m just about to go out with my wife, who’s glaring at me as we speak. I can call you later, or you can just talk with Kristie whenever she’s no longer busy shitting out kids.” I laughed.

“Shitting out kids, that’s a beautiful picture, Nick.” He laughed in return this time. “Just call me when you get out or whatever.”

“Oh wait, before I go. Which one of them did you fuck?” I sighed. He knew me way too well.

“Jorel,” I answered quickly, and then decided he probably had no idea who Jorel was. I wasn’t even sure if he knew him by his stage name, but I was going to throw it out there. “JDog.”

“Oh, stupid move.” I sighed, and nodded, though I couldn’t see it. I knew the mess I had gotten myself into, but I couldn’t help myself when it came to Jorel. I couldn’t remember a time when I had felt like this about someone. I was so confused with him, but I was okay with letting him use me. I wanted him to use me, I wanted him to make me scream his name. I liked being with Jorel, just in general.

“Yeah, I know.”