Fall Out Girl

We woke up from our shared trance as the clock struck midnight. I was the first one to sigh in relief. It was over with. The ten year anniversary of the worst thing to ever happen in this town had finally passed. I stretched and yawned.

“Well, I’m going to bed.” I stated as Pat’s and Mom’s rigid forms visibly relaxed.

“Ok, Honey. I’ll see you in a few hours.” Mom said, a warm smile spreading across her lips.

“Yea, that sounds like a good idea. I’ll see you later, Mom.” Pat said, getting up and following me up the stairs.

When I passed the guest room- what used to be my room- a cold chill ran the length of my spine. I rooted myself to the spot. Something was preventing me from taking another step. Something strange was happening to me. Something I didn’t like. I consciously controlled my breathing in a vain attempt to calm myself down. Nothing was working. I was paralyzed by the fear of something I didn’t know…something that I couldn’t see.

“Emmy? Are you ok?”

I couldn’t move. It was like those case studies that you occasionally hear, about the catatonic schizophrenics who will stay in the same position for hours or days at a time…but, I didn’t have schizophrenia, I had DID. They weren’t the same. They didn’t have the same symptoms. Schizophrenics were biologically imbalanced. I was emotionally imbalanced.

What’s going on?

“Emmy?!”

“I-I can’t move.” I sputtered out.

He took a deep sigh of relief. “It’s ok. Think. One foot in front of the other. You can do it. I’ll be right here.” He coached. It was like he had done this a thousand times already. Maybe I’m speaking in metaphors without even realizing. I slowly turned my head and looked at him. His eyes showed warmth and understanding. It was then that I knew that he was always there for me. Just like he is now. Just like he would always be there for me. I smiled and nodded at him. He held my hand as I willed myself to move.

I readied my skin, then the muscle, cartilage, and finally the bone. It was hard. They wanted to stay embedded in the floor. The motor neurons in my brain flashed across the synapses. Electric currents running from my brain to my legs. They still wouldn’t budge. I squared my shoulders and gritted my teeth. I repeated the process, getting the response I wanted all along. I repeated the process a few more times until I reached the door to my room.
I clutched on to Patrick’s hand. He looked at me with concern. "What’s wrong, Emmy? You did good.”

I couldn’t hold his gaze. “I know. I’m just…weirded out. Stay with me?” I felt so pathetic. What seventeen year old still needed her brother to spend the night with her because she was scared to death of something that happened a little over ten years ago?

Unsurprisingly, he nodded and followed me into the room. He got under the covers with me and held me close.

“Run. Runaway like you always do,” the voice taunted me. I couldn’t see who it belonged to. But it was familiar, albeit muffled and strangled, but still very much familiar.

I gasped and pulled against whatever was confining me. The fabric scratched over my face and eyes. Harsh cords bit into my wrists and ankles. Other cords were wrapped around my torso, forcing me to sit up straight. The gag in my mouth tasted of old blood and iron. My jeans rubbed my seat uncomfortably. The foul stench of stale urine hung in the air.

“Tsk. Tsk. And to think that I thought you were smarter than this? You’re pathetic. Nothing but scum under my shoe. Not worthy of praise anymore. I can’t believe that I held you in such high regard for so long.”

I could feel hot tears streaming out of my eyes. It wasn’t a new sensation.

“Aweh! Am I making the baby cry?!” he cooed. I stiffened at the pet name, but let it go. I wasn’t in a position to compromise. I heard their steps distance themselves from me before coming back a few minutes later. “I’ll tell you what, I’ll take off the blindfold, but only if you do a soon-to-be-named favor afterwards, which youhave to do…So, do you agree to this?”
I shook my head. I hated doing things without knowing what it would cost me.

“Tut. Tut. Then I guess you’ll never see me. You said you loved me once, does that entice you?”

I shook my head again.

“Liar!” my head whiplashed to the right. My cheek stung and I could feel warm liquid run down my cheek from right below my eye. I’ll leave you to think about it.” My captor walked away from me, slamming a heavy door behind them. I hung my head.

What have I gotten myself into? If only I had listened to my head instead of my heart

I woke with a jolt. Beads of sweat dotted my forehead. I looked back shakily. Pat lay sprawled across the bed, his mouth open and snoring loudly. I shook the nightmare out of my head and lay back down. I snuggled into my twin’s sleeping form, falling into a dreamless sleep.