I Want to Love and Back

We arrived at the venue, finally. I was stoked for tonight’s show because the tickets were sold out. We had five hours before the show to check the town out and go shopping and stuff like that. Everybody decided to head out and have some fun. “You coming?” Tay asked me with Cam lingering beside her.
“Nah, I think I’ll stay.” I smiled.
“You want company?” Cam asked, squinting as the sun glared at us.
“ I’m alright. Go have fun without me.” I winked.
“Is that even possible?” he chuckled and stepped closer to kiss my forehead. “See you later, baby.” He whispered and went to catch up with everyone. I watched them disappear into the street.
I was standing outside of the venue, thinking of everything and everyone. This tour has been the best. I love everyone here and it’s like a dream come true to tour with these guys. My thoughts were interrupted by the caw-ing of a bird. I looked up and quickly looked down again as the sun’s rays burned my eyes. Ugh, I hate the sun. I was supposed to walk to the bus when I felt something drop on my shoulder. I looked at it and saw the big white, gooey chunk of bird crap. It was starting to smell too. GREAT. Just GREAT.

“Fucking birds need to exist. Bird crap on my shirt. Fucking white crap. Stupid bird’s ass U G H.” I groaned as I got in the bus and started walking to my bunk to change. I stopped when I saw John laughing on the couch.

“Your anger amuses me.” He chuckled, looking up from his laptop screen.

“Funny. Your amusement annoys me.” I scowled at him which only made him laugh harder. “It looks so disgusting.” I whined and sat down. I waited for him to stop laughing.

“It smells disgusting too. WASH IT OFF, EW.” John joked.

“You gross shoulder-smelling-creep.” I mocked and headed to my bunk. I changed into my pink V-neck from my senior year in high school that had some dedication notes written at the back. I grabbed ‘Perks of Being A Wallflower’ ---a very nice book so far--- and headed to the social room. I guess being alone with John should fix this…
John was staring blankly into space when I came in. I sat down beside him. Rain started to pour really hard outside. I was worried about the guys. I hope they didn’t get wet.

“I thought you’d be going with everybody else…” I started awkwardly.
“It’s a bum-day for me.” he smiled…awkwardly. One more minute of awkwardness, I’ll kill myself. That’s how it was so awkward, I swear to God. So, I just continued to read my book. But John was staring at me and it was really hard to concentrate.

“Well. This…this is awkward. And you’re getting kind of creepy…” I said and narrowed my eyes at him. He just laughed and continued to look at me. I just shrugged and tried to concentrate on my book, which was very hard.

“Alright, John. What do you want?” I asked as I closed my book and set it down on the table. He raised his eyebrows, as if taken aback by the question. And I know why. We were actually talking.

“I want…I want to talk.” and as he said that, the floor was suddenly interesting to look at.

“Well, let’s…let’s talk.” I muttered with a shy smile.

“I want to fix this too. Destroy this damn wall between us.” He said, determined.

“Well, why’d you do it?” I asked, trying my best to keep my voice even. I was still hurt and angry.

“I don’t know, okay?!?!” John scowled. Wow, apparently I wasn’t the only one who’s angry. And he thinks he has the right to be mad? What is he, some kind of king???

“I am just so fucking sick and tired of your moodswings, John! What do want me to do with you?” I practically yelled. He was really getting on my nerves. He stood up and began to walk outside the bus. I followed him. I was furious. How can he ruin this??? AGAIN! He was walking so fast and the rain was so hard. Everything was so absurd in that moment. I stopped where I stood. I’m so tired of this.

“I TALK TO YOU, YOU RUN. WHEN WILL IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU I EXIST, JOHN?!?!” I shouted, the raindrops attacking my skin fiercely. I can barely see him when he stopped, his back turned to me. My breathing was heavy, I was soaking wet and I was tired of chasing after him. He faced me and took a few steps towards me.

“That’s it. I know you exist, Sydney. I think about you everyday.” He said, loud enough for me to hear through the hard rain. I was speechless.

“Wha—what?” I asked, squinting.

“And do you know how much it hurts that I lost you to someone else? Because of that night? That one night. Look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry about how I acted. I’m sorry I hurt you. And I know I can never change anything back, but there. I’m sorry. About everything. I guess I just can’t believe I would feel the way I felt with Katie again.” Katie. Katie was his girlfriend. The one who cheated on him after how long they’ve been together.

“I’m sorry too John.” I replied, looking into his eyes.

“I guess I just didn’t take the chance when I was the first person who got it.” He shrugged.

“Wow. That—that was almost deep.” I smiled, trying to enlighten the mood.

“Well, you are talking to John O’Callaghan.” he chuckled. “Can you ever forgive me?”

“Already did.” And with that said, I hugged him. It was almost like hugging a weird stick that was sorta muscular and soft……..but it was nice.

“Let’s start over, okay?” John asked.

“I’d like that.” I smiled as we headed back inside the bus.
~*~