I Want to Love and Back

I woke up with my face pressed up against Cameron's bare back. Oh shit. We didn't sleep together....did we? What happened last night? I gasped as everything came flashing back. Cam groaned and stirred. I smiled as I saw his face. I wonder if he'd regret what we did last night. I bet he would, that's Cam anyway. But then I remembered the time when we were about to leave for tour and he said he didn't really regret that we um. You know. I expected him to be ignorant today. He interrupted my thoughts by wrapping his arms around me. And suddenly, I didn't know what to expect from him today.

"Good morning." Cam said tiredly, eyes still closed. I smiled.

"Get some more sleep, Cam. I'll go get some coffee." I said as I tried to untangle myself from him. I sighed in defeat.
"I'm hungry, Cameron, And you know how I get when I don't get my caffeine." I said.

"Fine. Just come back okay?" he asked pouting. I chuckled and started to stand up. Cam grabbed my wrist and lightly kissed me. I have to get used to that. Or not. I walked slowly trying not to wake anyone up. John's bed was empty... I seriously hoped that he went out to roam around or something. I really don't want to face him. I walked to the mini-kitchen, and saw John seated by the dining table. GREAT. Just great. I walked past him and ignored him. The silence was so awkward. I started to work the coffeemaker. What am I going to say to him? Should I just go back to bed and wait for the coffee there? Should I just go out? I want to talk about last night. But does he even know I saw him?

"You know it's hard to ignore you when you're staring at me." he smirked. That did it. I was red with fury.

"EXCUSE ME?" I hissed.

"I said you're making it very hard to ignore you." he smirked.

"Fuck you, John." I replied sternly.

"Woah. We don't need that here, don't we?" he chuckled.

"Actually we do." I said quietly. We fell silent.

"What is this about, Sydney?" he hissed. Pissed now.

"Oh, so you're asking me? Don't play dumb, John." I raised my eyebrows.

"I'm not. I'm just wondering why the fuck you're so pissed at me." he replied.

"I saw you. With that girl..." I looked down and tried my best not to meet his eyes.

"I-I was drunk." he stuttered. I looked at him, expecting more words to come out of his damn mouth.

"Is that all?" I asked after a moment of silence.

"What do you want me to fucking say, Sydney?" he met my eyes and gave me a bored look. My breathing got heavy from fury. How is this possible? He was so nice when I met him. Now he's just a complicated fucktard.

"Never mind, John. I just wish you hadn't led me on. You should've told me I meant nothing to you. I'm just a toy to play with. That way, I won't expect anything." my voice was a whisper, hiding the pain in my voice. John opened his mouth to say something. Then looked away.

I just shook my head and ignored the coffeemaker. I didn't feel like coffee anymore.
I grabbed my coat from Cam's and my bed. He was still asleep. I ran out of the room and went to the rooftop of the hotel. I needed to think. Why though. Why did he have to do that? Why am I so hurt? I think I’m in love with Cam. And I’m happy he’s there. But John. John has something in him that makes me want to know him better. Maybe I should just move somewhere far away and die alone. I could get cats and an old house and die alone. I laughed at the thought.

“And she’s lost it” someone, a boy chuckled. I turned around to look at him.

“How’d you find me here, Gar?” I asked, shyly. I was never good in talking with new people.

“Just instinct.” He winked and stood beside me.

“Right.” I rolled my eyes.

“You alright?” he asked awkwardly.

“Yeah, sure. You can say that.” I replied.

“Really?” he raised his eyebrows at me.

“No, not really. No.” I chuckled and sighed.

“What happened?” he asked.

“A lot of things.” I replied awkwardly. A part of me want to trust Garrett. But if I tell him about what happened with John, I don’t know what his reaction would be. Would he tell John?

“Oh. John, you mean.” he shrugged as I looked at him in shock. “He likes you, you know. He just doesn’t want to admit it to himself.” he continued.

“He acted as if I don’t exist to him or shit.” I grimaced.

“Give him time. He talks about you a lot, you know.” He smiled.

“I’m with Cam now…” I explained.

“I know.”

“You don’t make any sense, Garrett.” I laughed.

“What I meant was, I know you’re with Cam but at least fix things with John, right?”

“Yeah.” I smiled. He actually made sense this time. Maybe I would fix things with John. But How? I sighed.

“John will be John, Syd.” Gar said and invited me to go back down.