Back to Square One

“Jay,” she cried again. “Daddy,” she hiccupped, and continued on crying. I looked at her mom that also had tears in her eyes, so I walked towards her and looked at Hazelyn who had a blank expression on her face, keeping her eyes away from me.

“What happened?” I asked Audrey.

She shook her head and sank deep into her seat. “Gone,” she let out with a shaky breath.

“What do you mean?” I asked her.

“I’ll excuse myself,” Hazelyn mumbled and got up before I could stop her.

I turned my attention back to Audrey who already had silent tears running down her face. “What happened?” I repeated more forcefully now.

“Jay, he’s gone! He left us. He’s fucking gone,” she bawled out with frustration and agony both evident in her voice. “He left me and his daughter. He fucking left us!” she cried. I had no clue how I was gonna deal with two crying girls.

I was speechless and I knew there was nothing I could do to make it better. I knew that if I were in her place, I would throw a fit and probably go out to war myself and kill all the fuckers that hurt her. All I could do now was hug her and let them both cry.

“I’m so sorry, I left my-,” Hazelyn stuttered as she stumbled into the room and saw us. Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened. She shook her head and quickly grabbed her phone that was on the coffee table before rushing out before I even found my voice to call out her name.

I sighed and my arms went limp around the two of them.

“Jay, give me Deanna and go after her,” Audrey sniffled. I looked at her hesitantly. “You’ve helped us more than enough. It’s your turn,” she smiled at me. “I just came because I thought you deserved to know and because Deanna had been looking for you. She was here already, and she invited me in and asked how I was doing. Go get her.”

I smiled at her and handed her the small girl, giving them both kisses on the cheek and ran for the door, chasing after Hazelyn.

I saw her in her car, her face was in her hands and she was leaning on her steering wheel. I quickly ran over and prayed that the door was unlocked, and thanked the heavens that it was and I got myself into the passenger’s seat.

“What do you want?” she grumbled beside me, without looking up.

“How’d you know it was me?” I mumbled. She shrugged and didn’t look up at all. “Why’d you run off?” I asked her.

“You and your family needed some time alone,” she said with a shrug.

“What are you talking about?” I asked incredulously.

“Jay, get back in there. That woman needs you and that child does too. You’re not supposed to be here with me. You’re supposed to be in there with your child and the mother of your child,” she said.

“What are you-,” I was about to ask again, but she cut me off again.

“She’s a beautiful little girl, Ry,” she said raising her head to look at me. I looked at her face intently and it was stained with tears. “I’m glad you kept your promise,” she whispered.

I shook my head and spoke before she could. “Hazelyn, listen to me,” I told her.

“No Ry, it’s terrible. I’m terrible,” she huffed, getting out of the car and I followed suit. She was pacing up front, and I stood, leaning on the hood of the car, looking at her. “I’m heartless and I have no conscience. I didn’t even think of the girl that you left behind and that little girl, I could not take her father away from her. What the hell was I thinking?! I freaking kissed you and I’m terrible,” she rushed out, making me smile a bit at her.

I know I shouldn’t be smiling but I couldn’t help it.

“I should’ve ran away and left you but I couldn’t, but I should’ve drove away and not have second thoughts about it,” she blabbed.

“You shouldn’t have, which is good,” I cut in.

She stopped for a moment and looked at me. “Yes, I should have,” she said before continuing her pacing and blabbed even more, a habit when she’s nervous. She started biting her nails, meaning she was really rattled. “I should’ve because I’m terrible.”

“No you’re not,” I argued, stopping her and held onto her.

“I’m a bad person,” she mumbled.

“You’re an amazing person,” I whispered.

“I’m a home wrecker,” she cried.

“No you’re not. You’re not wrecking anything!”

“Yes I am. I’m wrecking a family!” she argued.

“How?”

“Because I’m a horrible person!”

“No you’re not!”

“I’m selfish.”

“You’re the most selfless person I know.”

“No. I’m selfish. For a moment, I didn’t care about anything else. I didn’t care that there was such a beautiful little girl that was a part of you, and I’m selfish because for a moment I was about to take her father from her,” she blurted out.

“You’re not taking anything away from her!”

“Yes I am. I’m freaking in love with a guy that has a beautiful daughter! I’m selfish!”

“You’re not! Wait, what?!” I asked, shocked at her words.

“And to think I could just spontaneously show up here after the guys convinced me I was still in love with you even after 3 years trying not to, and here I am, showing up at your house, and here I see your beautiful family and I feel like such a wreck!” she cried.

I smiled at her, shaking my head as I pulled her back closer to me.

“Don’t you laugh at me!” she snapped, now right in front of me.

“Hazelyn, would you please relax and calm down?” I said softly. She breathed in, and nodded meekly. I took her by the shoulders and made her sit on the hood of the car as I faced her. I looked into her eyes and began to speak. “You’re not horrible or terrible. You’re amazing. You’re not selfish at all. You’re so kind and giving and generous and selfless. You’re not a home wrecker because there is no home to wreck,” she was about to say something but I cut her off.

“Audrey and I never slept together. After you left, I went out to drink with them, and after that Leon and I exchanged dorm rooms for a night because I was scared that Kyle would castrate me once he sees me, and that’s when Audrey decided to do stuff,” I mumbled. “Leon’s Deanna’s father. 'ot me. I have no clue if you believe me or not, but that’s the truth, and I’ve been waiting years to tell you,” I sighed as I looked back up into her eyes, not realizing that when I was talking, I was aimlessly playing with her fingers.

“I’ve been helping them ever since. Leon joined the military, and Audrey got kicked out, so I had to help them. I promised you that I’d take care of that child. I knew that if the child wasn’t mine, I didn’t have to hold on to that promise, but I knew you’d kill me if I just let Deanna grow up like that,” I told her. “Leon and Audrey finally learned to love each other, and well…,” I paused. “Leon died in war, that’s why they were here.”

She looked shocked, but she frowned at me and snatched her hands from my grasp, and the next thing I knew, I felt a sting on my cheek.

“You’re a horrible person!” she yelled.

“I’m sorry,” I sighed, and backed up.

“Where are you going?!” she snapped as she got off the hood of the car and stood in front of me, looking up at my face because of our height difference. “You’re a horrible person! I hate you! I wanna throw you off a cliff!” she growled. “And you should’ve done that years ago! You should’ve told me to hold the fuck on, and made me listen to you! You wuss!”

“I’m sorry,” I repeated.

“Sorry does not cut three years, Dolciani! But you’re even more horrible because I love you! It’s like I wanna throw you off that cliff, then run to the bottom to catch you!” she screamed at me, tears running down her face.

I wiped the tears from her eyes. “Is that a confession, DeLuca?” I teased.

“The fuck it is,” she laughed through her tears and crashed her lips with mine.