Glitter in the Snow

Would you believe that Felix is actually hopeless at ice skating? We took to the ice and he was down within the first minute. I choked back a laugh and helped him up. Felix grinned and didn’t let go of my hand. The second time that he fell, I didn’t bother hiding my laughter.

“Is this what happens every time you skate?” I asked.

Felix’s chuckled, too. “Yes.”

“Then why did you want to skate with me?” Few people set themselves up for embarrassment like this. Felix stumbled a bit and clutched me with both arms.

Felix held up our hands, which were still clasped. “Because now I’ve got a solid excuse for this.” Our eyes met and I looked away. I was torn between being amused and pleased. I didn’t for a second believe that hand holding was his reason for taking me ice skating, but it was nice of him to say it.

I coughed, fishing for something to say. Usually, conversation came easily between us. The only reason we didn’t talk over each other constantly was that we were genuinely interested in hearing what the other had to say. This was different. Foreign. Besides, I was starting to think that maybe this was supposed to be a date, after all. That meant that I really should have cleaned myself up better before coming. I was pretty sure that there was a little flour left over on my neck.

I was saved from coming up with a topic of discussion by another fall. Instead of Felix hitting the ground again, we ended up spinning together in a wide arc. I stumbled against him and we both fell back against a wall. Suddenly I was in his arms and we were watching each other, the smiles frozen on our faces. I pulled away. Please don’t judge too much and don’t get disappointed yet. Here is an explanation for the events that took place next: I am a coward, Felix is not. He pulled me back in and kissed me.

Just as I told you not to be disappointed, I wish that you would not get your hopes too high right now. It was light, brief. Notice that I don’t call it small- for how could it be, with the way that I felt it all through me? We grinned at each other before I rushed away from him. I had too much energy for standing in one place, even if it meant relinquishing the feeling of his arms around mine.

“Catch me!” I called over my shoulder. Felix immediately came bowling toward me. I froze on the ice, expecting any moment that he would slip again, but then he was right there next to me, breaking in a spray of frost.

Felix’s hands took hold of mine and he kissed my cheek. “Got you.”

“But you...” And then I understood- he wasn’t really bad at skating at all. “And here I was going easy on you! Fine, try and catch me now!” I raced away from him, glad suddenly that my mother had forced me through five years of lessons. In fact, I hadn’t really minded them, except that my classmates were as cold as the rink.

I zagged through one of the four other couples on the rink and managed to keep my balance when I stumbled across a chink in the ice. In fact, I was rather proud of myself, until a pair of arms came around me from behind. “Felix, you’re unbelievable!”

“So I’ve been told.” I shoved him and this time when he fell, it was real.

***

My mom was waiting in the living room for me to get home. The instant that I had shut the door behind me, she demanded, “So, how was it?”

I rolled my eyes, exasperated but a little pleased. It was nice to have something to talk about. “Really good, Mom.” I collapsed onto the love seat and looked over to where she sat on our couch. “There’s just one thing that bothers me about today. Do you have any idea what happened this morning while I was upstairs?”

Mom frowned. “No, I don’t,” she said slowly. I groaned in frustration. I hated not understanding something. “Hold on, Nat. I don’t know what happened, but I think I can guess. Did Padric know about your date?”

I shrugged. “I don’t think so. It’s kind of embarrassing to bring up.” Mom nodded like this was what she had expected. “What?”

A long sigh escaped her. “Nat, I think that Padric was jealous.”

I automatically protested. “No, things aren’t like that. He’s one of my closest friends, yeah, but that’s all it is.” It was surreal to be having this conversation with my mother. We had always been completely open with one another, even when it was uncomfortable, but this was different somehow.

My mom stood up and headed toward the kitchen. “Well, you asked what I thought. Now, did Felix feed you or should I?”

I assured my mother that I had already eaten and sprinted up the stairs. Once I got to my bedroom, I checked my phone to see if I had any new messages. I didn’t. My fingers hovered over Padric’s name. I had been planning all day to call him, but I was hesitant now. If Mom was right... Well, that would put me in a position that I didn’t know how to handle. I wanted to see him in person so that I could judge for myself, but I thought that maybe I wasn’t ready to face him just yet. I went to bed soon after and dreamed confusing dreams.

***

I didn’t call Padric on Sunday. In fact, I didn’t call anyone on Sunday. I needed to be alone for a bit. Things had been changing incredibly fast for me, and I needed time to catch up. My original group of friends, we were still close, but it was different now. Everyone was starting to branch out a bit. We had decided that the rule about telling everyone news at the same time was too much now, and got rid of it. This was not to mention the addition of Padric and Felix into my life, and my father. He and I were getting together every Wednesday now for dinner. I still hadn’t forgiven him for leaving Grandma on her own, but I knew that staying away from him would do nothing to improve the situation. Besides, my mother always looked so happy when I was going out to see him.

So it was that Monday morning found me taking the side entrance to the school in an attempt to avoid Padric. It didn’t hurt that Felix’s locker was down this hallway, though he wasn’t there at the moment. Padric was there waiting for me outside of my first class, though. I glanced at my cellphone and saw there were still five minutes before the bell rang. I didn’t have much choice but to talk to him, though I didn’t feel like I was ready for it yet.

“Hey, Nat. I’m sorry I ran out of your place like that on Saturday,” he said. He was acting like this was a totally normal apology, like there was nothing strange about the conversation that we were having. Well, if he could pretend that everything was totally normal, so could I. Or... maybe Mom really had been wrong?

“No worries. How did the rest of your weekend go?” I leaned against the nearest locker bay. Padric stepped closer to me to avoid the swarm of teenagers that were congregating all around us.

Padric shrugged. “Probably not as good as yours,” he said, meeting my eyes for the first time. I heard a question in his voice. I smiled because I thought that maybe it would make me less uncomfortable. It didn’t, so I bit my lip instead. What was I supposed to say to that?

“I’d better get into my classroom,” I finally said. Padric nodded and said he would see me later, then lost himself in the crowd. I winced. That had been terrible. Why? Would it have bene as bad if I hadn’t had that conversation with my mother? Really, it never would have occurred to me, the idea that maybe Padric was upset because I had gone out with Felix. It made me uncomfortable. Resignedly I went into my classroom and snagged the last window seat. It was definitely going to be a morning for day dreaming. I closed my eyes and wondered what Felix was doing.