What If I'm Afraid to Love Again

After the whole incident at Sam’s Paul and Jacob have been waiting to kill each other. There not allowed in the same room without someone else in it for fear they would murder each other.

Sam, Jared, Embry, and Emily all know what’s going on between them but I don’t. Paul’s become super overprotective of me and won’t let me get within a foot of Jake for whatever reason.

What’s freaking me out is that Jacob keeps staring at me as if I’m the only thing that exists in his world which I find really creepy, but I cant help but stare back and gaze at his beauty, his deep chocolate eyes that I could stare into for hours and his silky short hair that I want to run my hand through, and his body, god those muscles would give Adonis a run for his money, like there going to burst out of any form of shirt he puts on. Oh My God I can’t be thinking these things, I hardly know him, and there’s me thinking he’s the creeper, I’m just as bad as him.

The past week I hadn’t really been out of my house apart from when it was necessary like to go to get groceries or something. I kept having flashbacks of my time in New York, it was like my mind was trying to make me suffer, and be in pain, I know what I did and it was wrong but I didn’t want to be reminded of it.

I had kept it blocked out of my memory for so long, so how come being back in La Push remind me of all my worst nightmares. It was scaring me, I hadn’t slept for more that 12 hours within the space of 4 days, I was hardly eating anything and when I did I was just bringing it back up again afterwards.

I had finally decided to get out of the house for a couple of hours, I needed to think about some things so I got dressed and walked the short distance to La Push beach. I found a deserted log and sat down on it, looking towards the water. My life had changed so much over the past week, I had my big brother back in my life which I was thankful for I had missed him so much, I had made an amazing friend in Emily I felt like I could trust her with anything and she wouldn’t judge me, the only thing that was scaring me was the sudden feelings I was having for Jacob Black, why did I feel that whenever I was around him there was a physical pull that made me want to be near him 24/7.

To be honest it was scary for me after what happened with Tommy I don’t find it easy to let people in and get to know me, I built walls around my heart to protect it, and I didn’t like it one bit that I could feel they were slowly crumbling down and lets face it I hadn’t even had a proper conversation with him. Why did I feel like this?

I hadn’t noticed that while I was letting my thoughts ramble on, which confused me even more, the presence of the said person I was just thinking about. Jacob Black. It wasn’t until he coughed loudly that I noticed him sitting beside me on the log. I jumped and screamed “Oh My God Jacob you idiot don’t sneak up on me like that, give a girl a heart attack why don’t you”. He laughed “Oops sorry, it was the only way to get your attention, looked like you were doing some serious thinking there”. I smiled a little “I guess you could say I was, needed some space to think and this was the first place I thought of, its been one of those weeks were everything is getting to me and I needed to relax, you know”.

He smiled a little “I know exactly what you’re talking about”. “Do you know why I ran away 4 years ago?” she asked Jake. He shook his head no. Sienna didn’t know why she decided to tell Jake the reasons for why she did, or why she told him what she did in New York and what she went through but she did. She sat on the abandoned log with Jacob Black for what seemed like hours telling him everything; she hid no secrets from him. He didn’t say anything for a while he just said “I’m sorry” and pulled her in for a hug she cried into his warm chest and he ran his hand up and down her back soothing her. She showed him her scars but she said one thing that stuck in his brain “I know I did and unforgivable thing and really I don’t think I want to be forgiven I’ve got scars to permanently remind me of that”. She looked towards the water again and said “Scars tell a person where I’ve been, but they don’t dictate where I’m going”.

Jake smiled a little and said “You know I never thought someone so small could be so brave, and not care what people think about her, I understand you did some things that were incredibly bad and you still punish yourself for it but you don’t let it hold you back you fight back and prove yourself to the doubters that make you feel so small and worthless and judge you by your past and I really admire you for that”. “Thanks I suppose”.

Later that night as Sienna was laying in her bed after having watched a movie with Jake just how much she appreciated him listening to her, and not judging her, she knew Paul would always be there for her through thick and thin but she liked the fact that she had someone who was practically a stranger to her care for her. After all she had only known Jacob a couple of weeks but she felt that she could trust him with her deepest darkest secrets and he would listen and offer advice. He cared. And even though she felt those things for Jacob she couldn’t help but feel afraid of the feelings she possessed for Jake. Sienna knew that Jacob was nothing like Tommy but she knows she will always have that fear now, the fear that if she falls in love again it could all go horribly wrong again. Love is one of the greatest feelings a person could ever experience but it’s also one of the most dangerous. But what if Sienna thought it was worth the risk for the mysterious Jacob Black. You’ll just have to wait and see.