Status: As active as Max Green in my bed ;)
Reflections of False Hope.
The Pain.
"Robert, there's really something wrong. She hasn't touched her phone in a week." Max muttered as I stared out of the window.
"And that's not normal. She usually can't leave her phone for five minutes." Craig finished for him.
Robert sighed and dropped his head in his hands, trying to breathe normally.
"Robert...She has Radke in her contacts." Monte said urgently.
I felt bile make its way up my throat and I stood up to go and throw up in the toilet, but it was too late. I threw up a mixture of vodka, Jack Daniels, herbal tea seeds and blood.
"WHAT?!" Max shrieked, spinning around.
"MAX, CALM DOWN!" Monte yelled, holding Max back.
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT RADKE?! YOU STUPID, PATHETIC GIRL!" Max kept screaming, trying to rip out of Monte's grip.
"ITS MY FRIEND CONNIE WHO IS OBSESSED WITH RONNIE, ACTUALLY! COULD YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR ONCE?! I'M SICK OF BEING LABELLED AND JUDGED!" I screamed at the top of my lungs "AND GROW THE FUCK UP, MAXWELL! ITS BEEN FIVE YEARS!!! EVERYTHING WOULD BE FINE BETWEEN YOU TWO IF YOU WOULD BOTH JUST ACT YOUR AGE! NOT ONLY HIM, BUT YOU TOO!"
They stared at me as I shook with rage and threw up again. Thinking of Ronnie made me feel even more depressed and sick.
"She needs to go to hospital." Robert said sternly as I collapsed on the ground, shaking and gagging.
"NO!!!" I screamed and glared at them, wiping the vile shit off my mouth.
Max sighed and buried his face in his hands "Tuesday, what are we going to do with you? You're a fucking alcoholic!"
"WELL THEN I FIT IN PERFECTLY WITH YOU FUCKERS!"
I stormed to the bunk area, leaving them to clean up the puke.
"AND GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK!"
***
I was sitting outside, about 200 feet from the venue in Scotland, smoking a joint and swigging occasionally from a bottle of Jack Daniels. I took out the syringe and bag of heroin, making sure no one was around. I put the powder in the small baggie of water and shook it before carefully pouring it into the syringe.
I pulled my sleeve up and wrapped my hoodie around my arm tightly, making the veins stand out. Then I slipped into my own sweet oblivion.
I don't remember being carried back to the bus, but I woke up in my bunk.
The second opened my eyes, I grabbed my ipod and blasted Sleeping With Sirens 'If I'm James Dean, Then You're Audrey Hepburn'. It was the only song I really listened to anymore. Craig had said that they might be joining Warped when we get to London, because they were doing a separate US tour. That's when I started listening to them. I instantly fell in love with Kellin Quinn's voice and lyrics.
He was pretty attractive aswell.
Meh. Now I just don't care about any of that, I feel empty and numb.
I screamed and screamed.
I was nothing but a fucktoy to Ronnie. I gave him everything I had, I loved him more than anything. I couldn't take this anymore. I knew that if I didn't get him back, I would do something drastic. I shrieked again and punched the wall,
"THEY SAY THAT LOVE IS FOREVER, YOUR FOREVER IS ALL THAT I NEED!" I cried along to Kellin's beautiful voice.
I didn't see the point in anything.
I needed Ronnie.
I only felt one thing.
The Pain.
The pain of depression I hadn't felt in three years.
"And that's not normal. She usually can't leave her phone for five minutes." Craig finished for him.
Robert sighed and dropped his head in his hands, trying to breathe normally.
"Robert...She has Radke in her contacts." Monte said urgently.
I felt bile make its way up my throat and I stood up to go and throw up in the toilet, but it was too late. I threw up a mixture of vodka, Jack Daniels, herbal tea seeds and blood.
"WHAT?!" Max shrieked, spinning around.
"MAX, CALM DOWN!" Monte yelled, holding Max back.
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT RADKE?! YOU STUPID, PATHETIC GIRL!" Max kept screaming, trying to rip out of Monte's grip.
"ITS MY FRIEND CONNIE WHO IS OBSESSED WITH RONNIE, ACTUALLY! COULD YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR ONCE?! I'M SICK OF BEING LABELLED AND JUDGED!" I screamed at the top of my lungs "AND GROW THE FUCK UP, MAXWELL! ITS BEEN FIVE YEARS!!! EVERYTHING WOULD BE FINE BETWEEN YOU TWO IF YOU WOULD BOTH JUST ACT YOUR AGE! NOT ONLY HIM, BUT YOU TOO!"
They stared at me as I shook with rage and threw up again. Thinking of Ronnie made me feel even more depressed and sick.
"She needs to go to hospital." Robert said sternly as I collapsed on the ground, shaking and gagging.
"NO!!!" I screamed and glared at them, wiping the vile shit off my mouth.
Max sighed and buried his face in his hands "Tuesday, what are we going to do with you? You're a fucking alcoholic!"
"WELL THEN I FIT IN PERFECTLY WITH YOU FUCKERS!"
I stormed to the bunk area, leaving them to clean up the puke.
"AND GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK!"
***
I was sitting outside, about 200 feet from the venue in Scotland, smoking a joint and swigging occasionally from a bottle of Jack Daniels. I took out the syringe and bag of heroin, making sure no one was around. I put the powder in the small baggie of water and shook it before carefully pouring it into the syringe.
I pulled my sleeve up and wrapped my hoodie around my arm tightly, making the veins stand out. Then I slipped into my own sweet oblivion.
I don't remember being carried back to the bus, but I woke up in my bunk.
The second opened my eyes, I grabbed my ipod and blasted Sleeping With Sirens 'If I'm James Dean, Then You're Audrey Hepburn'. It was the only song I really listened to anymore. Craig had said that they might be joining Warped when we get to London, because they were doing a separate US tour. That's when I started listening to them. I instantly fell in love with Kellin Quinn's voice and lyrics.
He was pretty attractive aswell.
Meh. Now I just don't care about any of that, I feel empty and numb.
I screamed and screamed.
I was nothing but a fucktoy to Ronnie. I gave him everything I had, I loved him more than anything. I couldn't take this anymore. I knew that if I didn't get him back, I would do something drastic. I shrieked again and punched the wall,
"THEY SAY THAT LOVE IS FOREVER, YOUR FOREVER IS ALL THAT I NEED!" I cried along to Kellin's beautiful voice.
I didn't see the point in anything.
I needed Ronnie.
I only felt one thing.
The Pain.
The pain of depression I hadn't felt in three years.