Lavender Sweater and a Volkswagen Jetta

October. It had been a month since Kylie passed away. I’ve been doing quite fine, I guess. The cities we’ve been to were beautiful. It was nice enough of Kennedy to bring Jules along with us. I actually had a girl to talk to aside from the boys.

I pushed the door open, meeting a gush of cold wind and walked out of the House of Blues and into the cold night. I gripped my coat tighter as I walked around Anaheim until I found a park and sat down on one of the benches that faced a lake. A small smile crept upon my lips as my eyes wandered around the park.

“Elle?”

I looked up. At first, I couldn’t make out the face. But until it gave me a huge smile, I finally knew. “Hey John,”

He sat down next to me. “What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be with Garrett back at the venue?” he asked.

“I should ask you the same question,” I puzzled.

“Well, aren’t you going to answer my questions?” he chuckled.

I huffed and said, “Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe I just wanted to be alone for a while, you know? Some time to think and all that, I don’t know. How ‘bout you? What brings you here?”

It took him a while to respond but I didn’t complain. He pursed his lips and finally said, “Promise me you won’t get mad.”

I nodded, wondering why he said that.

“Garrett saw you walk out the door and asked me to go and “follow” you.” He said. I narrowed my eyes at him with a questioning look. “Elle, don’t take this the wrong way, alright? Garrett’s scared to death on what you might do—heck, all of us are!”

My head automatically looked away from John and down at my fingers that I kept on fiddling with. I feel so much of a burden to them. They worry about me when they shouldn’t. “I never asked for any of you to look after me,” I whispered as I finally looked at him.

John sighed and gave me a hug. “Just don’t be out here too long, alright? Jared’s going to go nuts if you don’t come back.” He chuckled as he stood up.

I waved him goodbye and watched him as he left. My eyes travelled back to the lake and let my mind take me somewhere…until it hit home. My eyes started to water up as I closed my eyes and the memories of my daughter came flooding back.

“You never said that it would be this hard,” I whispered to no one in particular. The tears spilled out as soon as I said that. I let my head rest on the palm of my hands as I sat there, crying.


I decided to walk back to the venue fifteen minutes after I sat there in the park alone. By the distance, I could see them waiting outside. I knew I should have gone back there when John left. Once Jules turned around when I rounded the corner, she dropped Kennedy’s hand and ran to me and tackled me with a bear-crushing hug.

“Jesus, I thought something happened to you!” she said once she let me go. “Never let me worry like that ever again, you hear me Joelle Demyx?”

I sighed, nodded and gave her a fake smile that I hoped she didn’t notice. Jules smiled back and hugged me again, this time, returning it. She linked her arm with mine as we approached the guys. They all turned around and let out a relieved sigh once they saw me with Jules.

Jared walked over to me and told me firmly, “Please don’t ever take off without me knowing, alright? You know how I worry about you when you leave.” He hugged me as I mumbled an apology. Jared pulled away and went back to where Pat and John were.

Garrett was leaning on the wall, his head down and I decided to talk to him, knowing he’s the one worrying about me the most. He looked up once I was close enough to him. We just stood there, looking at each other when I finally broke the awkward silence. “Garrett, I… I’m sorry for making you worry. It’s just, I needed—“

“You don’t need to apologize,” he cut me short.

“But Garrett—“

“Look, Elle, I know you needed some time to think, alright? I get that.” He smiled genuinely but it quickly faded. “But I just can’t help to think what you’re going to do.”

I bit my bottom lip. “Garrett, I’m not going to do the things you’re thinking what I might do. I’m refraining myself to do that,” I whispered.

“I know you won’t,” he said. “but I can’t help but feel like you will.”

I sighed. Why is it so hard for people to trust me when I say I won’t? I don’t get it.

Garrett wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. “I’m just scared that I might lose you after our daughter.” He whispered into my ear. My arms found their way to wrap themselves around his waist.

He pulled away a little while later. Garrett wrapped his arm around my waist and led us back to the group. Pat grinned once he saw us together. I suppressed a tight smile even though it was hard for me to do so. I was still grieving and they knew that.

We all went back into the bus. All of them stayed at the front, but I went straight to the back. I didn’t lock the door so they wouldn’t suspect anything, so I left it slightly open. I decided to open my MacBook to check if I have any e-mails. I had one new message.

Elle,

How are you holding up? I really wish I’m there with you and Jules but this whole modelling thing is getting in the way. Haha! But anyway, I miss you loads. I hope you’re feeling better…but of course you won’t get over it that easily. Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself, alright? We wouldn’t want to get rushed down to the hospital now again, do we?

…okay I just realized that was a very offending (and somewhat lame) joke, I’m sorry. But it was mostly offending, wasn’t it? Heh. Sorry, hun!

Okay, I gotta go. I still have a flight to catch in the morning. I love you! Call me when you need someone else to talk to. :)

x Brie

The message was sent two days ago and I didn’t even bother to look at my e-mails. I’m pretty sure she’s waiting to hear a reply from me. I thought about replying to her e-mail but instead, I closed her e-mail. My heart sank when I saw my desktop background. Kylie’s face was smiling up at me.

As I stared at the screen, I muttered the same sentence I said earlier at the park. “You never said that it would be this hard…” A tear escaped my eye and I shut the MacBook down, pulling my legs up and buried my face into my hands as I cried silently.


Jules’ POV:

We were all laughing and making a fool out of ourselves at the front. I settled down and looked around the room, noticing that one of us wasn’t there. I excused myself from the guys, saying that I needed to get something from the back of the bus. They didn’t seem to hear me so I just walked away from them.

The door was slightly open enough for me to see who was in there. Elle was sitting in front of her MacBook and mumbled something as a tear slipped from her eye. She put her legs up and buried her face into her hands and cried. The sight made my heart ache. It’s getting harder for her with each passing day.

I went back to the front and said, “Guys?”

The boys stopped and looked at me. “We need to figure out some ways to help Elle move on.”

From the corner of my eye, I could see Garrett’s expression change once he heard me say his girlfriend’s name. It was crystal clear that all of us wanted to help her but she seemed to push us all away, saying that she’ll be fine when we know she won’t be.

I took a seat on the couch next to Kennedy and all of us sat there in our places, thinking. It was quiet for a while until Pat snapped his fingers which made us all look up at him when he said, “I have an idea.” He grinned and told us the plan.