Lavender Sweater and a Volkswagen Jetta

I leaned back on the chair as the girls and I watched the boys play with Kylie. I instantly smiled when Garrett gave Kylie a piggyback ride she wanted. They were laughing and smiling. I wanted to punch myself in the gut when I realized that leaving all of this wasn’t worth it. My daughter would’ve had a father to protect her the time she grew up.

A tear fell from my eye while I watched back. Brie too, was laughing but when she looked back at me, her expression changed in an instant. Her hand found its way to mine and she squeezed on it and said, “Sweetie, don’t cry. I know its killing you that little Kylie didn’t have Garrett there for her on her first day of school, but it’ll change, I promise.”

I gave her a smug smile as another tear escaped my eye. I shook my head. “It wasn’t worth it. Me leaving everything behind wasn’t worth it. She would’ve had a dad to get up on the stage with her last month for her recognition day. I knew it, from the day she opened up her eyes to me, I won’t forget him.”

“She really does look so much alike him, doesn’t she?” I heard Jules say.

I quickly wiped the tears away when I saw my brother approach. He sat down next to me. “Joelle Demyx Monaco,”

“If you’re here to tell me to stop crying, I’m sorry, I can’t help seeing your niece and her father together.” I said, putting my hands up in defense.

Jared patted my shoulder. “It was hard without you here. He wasn’t always up for anything. He barely talked to any of us.” He sighed. “I just wish you didn’t leave so—“ Jared stopped short. I wondered why until I looked up. Garrett was holding Kylie in his arms.

“Hey princess, how ‘bout you and uncle Jared play while mommy and I talk, is that okay?” He said to his daughter. Her eyes lit up when he mentioned Jared’s name. She agreed and kissed Garrett on the cheek in which he returned. Jared then started to run to the guys while Kylie chased after him. I didn’t notice the girls took off with them.

Garrett sat down in front of me. The sun started to go down and I breathed in deeply. I didn’t want to look at him right in the eye after what I did to him years ago. “You know I can’t forgive you that easily after what you did,” He started. I didn’t respond. “But I do want us to start over.”

My head shot up to him. He wants to start over? What does he mean?

“I’ve done a lot of thinking last year and for a moment, I really wanted to hate you but the others know I can’t. Then I wondered, why did you leave? What did you mean by we were never supposed to happen? Did you have doubts before we even got together?”

I shook my head and bit my lip. “I uh… I had to. I couldn’t handle it, Gar. When you and Joel screamed at each other the day after he screwed me and I didn’t know, a few months later I found out I was pregnant, when our relationship started to go in knots; it was all too much for me.”

“So you decided to take off just like that?” He said with disbelief.

“I had no other choice, Garrett.”

“You had other choices, Joelle. You had tons of choices! We could’ve settled everything and live life the way we wanted it, but instead you chose to disappear for four years without another word. I tried to call you, Joelle, I did but I figured you changed your number and…” He shook his head and buried his face into his hands.

“And what?”

Garrett looked up at me with glassy eyes. “I could have at least supported you by the time you were giving birth to my kid. I could have been there to celebrate her first birthday. I would have been there when she started to take her first steps.”

“She would have held your hand and go up the stage to get her medals last month,” I whispered.

He tilted his head. “W-what?”

“Kylie… she got three medals last month. One of which was… she ranked first on the honor roll.” I said with a small smile.

His lips then curled into a smile. “She… she’s number one in her class?” I nodded happily. Garrett laughed lightly and said ‘I can’t believe this’ over and over. I started to tell him everything that happened to her the past years and all he could do was grin and chuckle.

“What’s her full name?” He asked softly after a few minutes of silence.

“Danielle Kylie Monaco,” I smiled to myself as I swished the cola that’s in my cup before taking a sip. “I decided to take your middle name and turn it into a girl’s name.”

He flushed lightly then joked, “I’m flattered.” I giggled and so did he. “So, if her first name came from my middle name, what’s with Kylie?”

“It was random, actually. When the nurse handed her to me, she asked what her name is. I knew that her first name would be Danielle, I thought about it for a second until the name Kylie came into mind then… yeah. Her name’s Danielle Kylie. I actually thought about putting Nickelsen as her surname,” I whispered the last part.

Garrett looked at me with a plain expression on his face. I avoided his eyes and stared down at my now empty cup. I ceased my eyebrows and asked, “What do you mean by wanting us to start over?” I whispered as I felt my eyes to go glassy.

“I… um… I want to go back. Back to where we first met. Back to when we were just friends. Back to when everything was just plain and simple; no Joel, no passports, no mistakes. I… I don’t want you to run away… again.”

I looked back at our friends, playing hide and seek with our daughter. Pat saw me, he grinned and waved. He was holding Kylie’s hand and he whispered something to her that made her wave at me and smile. I waved back and blew her a kiss. God, she is just so precious.

I felt something that was placed on my open palm. I turned my attention back to Garrett. His eyes moved down to my hand, motioning me to look at it. Slowly, my eyes trailed down to the table, then to my hand. It was a letter with my name scribbled on top. I looked back at Garrett. He then moved something to me that was in his hand.

He released his hand and left me there. I watched him as he walked over to Kennedy. I placed the letter in my bag, making a mental note to read it when we get home. I frowned and looked down at the table. It was an oval stone. I reached for it and studied it. There was nothing, until I turned to the underside of the stone. There it was; three simple words but it meant so much.

I missed you.


An hour passed when Kennedy and Jared went inside the kitchen to make dinner. I excused myself from the girls and decided to help the two. When I got inside, they were having trouble. I shook my head and chuckled. I helped them with the cooking process while they got done with the ingredients. When everything was settled, Jared called out the others that were still at the backyard.

Dinner was great, especially when you have a four year old with you and she starts to talk about everything that happened back in Jersey ever so adorably. Kylie sat down in between Garrett and I. The whole time, she didn’t want me to get her food; she wanted Garrett. He would look at me from time to time whenever she wanted this or that and I would just shrug and smile.

After we ate, I volunteered to wash the dishes. It was awkward because Garrett offered to help me while the others went to the living room to watch a movie. Usually, I wouldn’t mind someone else helping me but Garrett?

I washed while he handed me the dishes. Once they were all in the sink, waiting to be cleaned, he dried the ones I’m already finished with. Neither of us spoke a word. All we could hear are the guys and girls watching a movie or the occasional ‘pass the popcorn’ phrase. Garrett left then came back and muttered, “Kylie’s asleep. She’s resting on Jared’s chest.”

I nodded and pursed my lips as I finished the last plate. I passed it to him and let him dry it with the cream coloured washcloth. The silence between us was deafening. I watched him as he placed the plate down on top of the others and set the washcloth down.

My head hung low. I decided to go out to the backyard and sit on one of the stone benches there. I stared at the moon as I let the Arizona wind hit my face. I sensed someone sit next to me and whispered, “Are you available tomorrow?”

“Why?” I asked, my eyes focused on the moon.

“I just thought… y’know, we could… start over. I want to take you somewhere, Elle.” Garrett said. Hearing him call me Elle caused my heart to skip a beat. I looked down at my feet and replied, “Yeah, sure.” I cleared my throat and tucked my hair behind my ear. “I could always drop Kylie off at Jared’s and they could spend the day together.” I smiled at him.

His hand found its way to mine and he interlocked them. I felt a spark of electricity go through my veins as soon as I felt his touch. It was one of these times when I just wanted to kiss him but if I did, it would leave an awkward ending. Instead, I left it in the back of my mind and let the silence fill in for me.


“Thanks for the welcome home party, guys. Really, I had a great time.” I smiled at my friends as I gave the boys a hug while I kissed the girls’ cheeks once I settled Kylie in her seat in the car.

“We’re just glad you’re back, Joelle.” Kennedy said.

When it came to Garrett, he was silent and was looking down at his feet. I pursed my lips and reached into my pocket. I grabbed his hand and placed the object in his hands and closed his hand. I hugged him and he did the same, only his was tighter. I pulled back and whispered, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I waved them all goodbye and got in the Jetta. I started to drive back to the apartment with only one thought in my head.

I still love him.


Garrett’s POV:

Joelle stood in front of me and she pulled something out of her pocket. She grabbed my left hand and placed the object on my palm and closed it with my fingers. She hugged me and I hugged her back tighter.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She whispered. I watched her as she waved goodbye and took off with my kid. All of them went back inside as I watched her Volkswagen Jetta disappear into view.

“Garrett, you coming inside?” I heard John ask. I waved him off, saying, “I’ll come in,”

I heard the front door close and frowned. I looked at my hand and opened it. I stared at the words written in black marker on the oval shaped stone that was in the palm of my hand.

I’m sorry. I missed you.