Lavender Sweater and a Volkswagen Jetta

Kylie changed into her pyjamas. She climbed on to her bed and snuggled herself under the purple sheets. She hugged her stuffed bear and asked me after she yawned, “Mommy, can I ask you something?”

I laughed at her lightly. “You already did, sweetheart.” She frowned. “Okay, what is it?”

“Do you like uncle Gary?”

I didn’t say anything. How about that? My own daughter is asking me if I like Garrett. How was I supposed to explain my feelings for her ‘uncle’ to a four year old? I kept on caressing her hair before saying, “Yes, princess. I like your uncle Gary… as a friend, nothing more. Why’d you ask that?”

She sat up. “Uncle Jared and uncle Kenny told me that you like-like him and he felt the same. Mommy, is it true?”

“Why do you want to know, Kylie?” I asked softly as she held my hand.

“Because I want you two to be together, mommy. I want you two to get mawied.” She grinned up at me. I chuckled and kissed the top of her head. She lay back down on her pillow as I tucked her in. “Good night, mommy. I wuv you.”

Kylie kissed my cheek and closed her eyes. I smiled down at her and whispered, “I love you more.” I walked to the door, flicked the light switch off, and went back to my room.

After I changed into my sweats and a tank top, I flopped back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. A torrent of memories came flooding back. I started to regret everything; telling Garrett that us being together was a mistake, leaving everybody without a last word, not visiting them every once in a while…

My phone buzzed on the bedside table that pulled me out of my train of thought. I grabbed my phone and unlocked it. I had one new message from Jules.

I’m happy you and Garrett are on good terms. Hope you sleep well tonight! I love you hun. <3

Unfortunately, I wasn’t so sure if Garrett and I are on good terms. He just told me that he wanted to start over and he wasn’t going to forgive me so easily. Of course I don’t expect him to forgive me after disappearing for a long time on them. Why would I even expect him to do so? What I said and what I did four years ago pained him. I left him and told him the worst thing I ever said to any one of my closest friends.

I sighed and set my phone down on the wooden bedside table. I rolled on to the other side of the bed and once again, stared at the moon. I let my eyelids close as I wished that I went back in time and didn’t do the things I never wanted to happen.

The next morning, I woke up to the sunlight shining down on me from my window. My eyes fluttered open but immediately squinted. I rolled to the other side of the bed that faced the door. My eyes averted to the digital clock next to me. 8:36 am, it read. I pushed the covers that covered half of my body and went straight to the bathroom that was across my room.

I splashed some cold water on my face to at least wake me up. I shuddered once the water came contact to my face. I dried my face with a clean towel and went out to the kitchen to make breakfast for me and Kylie. On my way there, I heard voices coming from the living room.

There they were on the coffee table, colouring away on one of Kylie’s colouring books. He was smiling as he looked at his daughter. His eyes then travelled somewhere else and it found their way to mine. I was leaning on the sky blue coloured walls with my arms crossed and a small smile playing on my lips.

Garrett smiled back and held up his hand. I held up mine with a grin. We used to do that back when we were together, a sign of hi or hello. Kylie stopped what she was doing and looked behind her and she squealed, “Mommy!”

I laughed lightly and walked over to them. I sat on the couch as she stood up and gave me a hug. She sat back down on the carpet and started telling me how she woke up and saw Garrett sitting on the chair that was in her room, how he told her crazy stories, and one story that I never thought he’d tell her; how he and I met.

“Oh and uncle Gary made breakfast for us, mommy!” Kylie grinned.

My head turned to Garrett who had a cheeky smile on his face. “You did?”

He shrugged. “I thought that you might need to take a break from making Kylie’s breakfast every morning and it’s no big; I actually enjoyed making breakfast with her.”

We all left the living room and went to the kitchen where breakfast was waiting. While we ate, we had small chats that ended on an awkward silence. Garrett then told Kylie that the two of us are going to spend the day together and that she’ll be staying at Jared’s for the day. For a second, I thought she was going to throw me a disappointed look but instead, she jumped off the chair and ran around the apartment, ecstatic.

Garrett left me to bathe Kylie while he did the dishes. I was about to protest but I know he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. The whole time Kylie took a bath, her mouth couldn’t shut up on how she wants me to end up with Garrett. I just sighed. Sometimes I wondered if this trait of hers came from Brianna or what. When she slipped her robe on, her eyes widened and she ran to the door, only to find her father standing there with a grin on his face.

Kylie ran to her room after Garrett carried her and kissed her cheek. The sight made my heart sink to my stomach. I would’ve seen him do that to her the whole time she was growing up and felt happy, not this feeling I’m getting now. I asked him if it was okay for him to help her get dressed while I took a shower and he said it was alright.

After I showered, I went straight to my room to get dressed. I slipped on a pair of jeans, a white button up blouse, and a black cardigan. I rolled the sleeves of the cardigan up to my elbow and put on my flats. I did my usual make-up. My phone started ringing before I could even grab my bag. The name Jess Bowen flashed on my screen and I picked up.

“I heard you’re back in town,”

“Oh man, Jess, hi! I’m sorry, I forgot to call. The guys and girls held up a welcome home party for me yesterday at John’s house and I came home by 10 and I was really tired.”

“It’s okay! Hey, are you doing something later this afternoon? I want to know why you left us girls here without a goodbye note or whatever.”

“Oh… Um, Jess, as much as I want to hang out today, I err… already have plans with um… Garrett.” I stuttered.

“Ohh… I see you’re back with the zombie slayer. How’d you two work it out? I heard Garrett was devastated and just plain… you know, depressed.”

“Err… we’re not technically together. He said he wanted to start over and that’s practically it. He says he wanted to take me somewhere today and to be honest, I have no idea where he’s taking me.”

“Now that’s one thing I can’t answer you. You’re probably getting ready to go. Hope to see you soon! I missed you so much you don’t even know.” She giggled.

We said our goodbyes and I put my phone in my bag, suddenly forgetting the letter Garrett gave me yesterday. I took it out and placed it inside the drawer of my bedside table. A knock came on my door and I told them to come in. I turned around to see my daughter all dressed up in her pink and blue floral dress, a white bolero, and white flats.

“She didn’t really have that much trouble getting her clothes on; she just needed me to zip the dress up, that’s all. Oh and her bag’s already good to go. Kylie told me the things you always bring when you’re leaving her with someone.” Garrett said as he stood by the doorway.

I gave him a small smile and thanked him for doing so.

Kylie ran to me and grabbed the brush I was holding. I puzzled as she walked over to sit on the stool of my vanity and started brushing her hair. I stood there looking at her with wide eyes. She then pulled me back to reality when she called me to braid her hair. I smiled at her and did so.


“I’ll come back for you later. I’ll call uncle Jared if I’m coming to get you, got that?” Kylie nodded and I gave her one last hug and a kiss on the forehead. “Be a good girl. I love you, princess.”

“I love you too, mommy.” She said before Jared carried her. I turned my attention to my brother. “Everything she needs is in her bag. If there’s a problem, don’t hesitate to call me. Her nap time’s on 2:00 to 4:00 and—“

“Okay, I get it, baby girl. Now go with Garrett and start building your relationship again.” He chuckled. I shook my head and he gave me a half hug before I stepped out of his front porch and back to Garrett who was waiting outside his car.

I waved them goodbye before Garrett opened the door for me to get in. I didn’t complain that he did that; it just felt awkward because the last time he did that to me was a week before I left them all. He started to drive away from Jared’s house and into an open highway.

It was eerie for the highway to be so deserted on a Thursday morning. I didn’t bother to question Garrett where were we heading although the road seemed oddly familiar to me. The ride was silent apart from the music that came out of the car stereos.

“Kylie wants us to be together,” I mumbled as I stared out the window.

Garrett kept silent for a few minutes. “She does?”

I nodded. “Last night before she went to bed, she told me that she wanted us to get married. I didn’t throw her any questions why. And earlier while I bathed her, she couldn’t stop talking about how she wants us to get together.”

He didn’t say anything. I briefly looked at him, he looked like he want it to happen but I wasn’t so sure. Even I don’t know if I want to get back with him. I’m scared that he doesn’t feel the same way. My eyes went back to staring out the window and let the radio fill in the silence between us once more.

Garrett stopped inside of some old abandoned construction site. He cut off the engine and went out. I opened the door and stepped foot on the ground, looking around the place. Why did he take me here? What’s with this place?

He grabbed my hand which surprised me and lead me far from the abandoned construction site. We passed a few heavy equipment that were very familiar to me. I tried to search for the memory of all of these until we reached it.

The huge rock was still there. We stopped a few meters and I dropped his hand and walked over to it. My hand grazed the rough texture. I went around the back of the rock, amazed that it was still alive and untouched. I grinned to myself and saw that Garrett was at the other side of it. He stepped forward and so did I.

“How… how did you find—“

“I told you, I wanted to start over. But I didn’t tell you I wanted to start from the very beginning.” He smirked and I just smiled. He held out his hand and said, “Hi, I’m Garrett Nickelsen.”

I shook his hand, resisting the urge to laugh. “Joelle, Joelle Monaco.”

His eyes narrowed at me. “Aren’t you Jared’s little sister?” I forced a nod, still holding back the laughter. Garrett laughed lightly. “You don’t look much like him, don’t you? Well, what brings you here?”

Flashback, five years ago.

“I just wanted to escape; from the problems, the bullying, the taunts, everything.” She answered him, looking around.

It was true. Joelle Monaco was an outcast like her brother and his friends. Even though she tried her hardest to ignore all of it, she couldn’t. She decided to walk mindlessly around town and found herself there on the behind the abandoned construction site.

Garrett Nickelsen was surprised that his best friend’s little sister left home without him and ended up in this place just to escape. She offered him to sit down and they did. They started talking about everything and anything that comes in mind. They shared interests for hours until it started to get dark.

Jared Monaco called up his sister on her phone and told her to come home and how he was worried sick. Garrett’s face fell when Joelle told him that she had to go home. He didn’t want her to go home. He wanted them to talk some more. Joelle stood up and grabbed a rock with her. She started to write something over the rough structure.

03/16/05 JM + GN :]

Garrett stood up after Joelle pulled back with a smug smile on her face. He instantly grinned once he saw what she wrote. He pulled her into a bone crushing hug and the two laughed when they pulled away. “I believe this is the start of a wonderful friendship.” He said.

End of flashback.

I felt hot tears threatening to come out of my eyes when I saw what I wrote five years ago. Back to the day we first met. This was the place we always went to when the other wanted to let out some feelings that were locked up inside, when we wanted some time alone, when I confessed to him that I loved him, and when he asked me to be his girlfriend. This was our place.

My fingers grazed the writing. Garrett placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. A tear fell from my right eye as I stared at what I wrote. I forced a smile and whispered, “I don’t know where to start.” I sniffed and continued. “I don’t know how to explain to you why I left. I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am. I don’t even know why I left you in the first place. I didn’t mean to leave. I just wanted to get away at first but I just found myself getting my passport and out of this state.

“I wasn’t surprised when you told me you weren’t going to forgive me after what I did and said to you. I actually think I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I mean, I never ever said something so hurtful to someone I love just to run far away from them.” I managed to say in between sobs.

Garrett grabbed my free hand and said, “Forgiven or not, it doesn’t matter. You’re here. And words can’t express how happy I am now that you’re back. Yes, you may have broken my heart but I managed to get through for four years without you here. Remember what you told me when we were going on tour for the first time?”

“Have a great time, I’ll be alright. I might not be with you the whole time but know I’m always there.” I said quietly.

“And I did. I always tell myself everyday that you’ll come back to me someday. And… here you are, standing right in front of me; we’re standing right where we first met, right where I asked you out. Joelle, I’ve been driving around town alone for four years; I’ve been hanging out here by myself alone, wishing on the same star every night that you’re beside me that time; I’ve done a lot of thinking that... I’m giving you another chance. Yes, you may not hear the words you want me to say that early but… us, I want to give us another chance.”

I looked down at my feet and cried harder. He still felt the same. He still loves me even though I broke his heart. He still wanted me after everything I’ve done.

I turned to him and crashed into his arms. I knew he wasn’t expecting it but he hugged me back immediately. I cried so hard that my tears soaked his shirt. Garrett just stood there, telling me everything that he wanted to say.

It was times like this when I wished I never left. I knew I missed his warm embrace, how he tells me everything he wants to say, how he didn’t care that I’m soaking his shirt with my tears, and how I missed this; just the two of us in each other’s arms in our favourite place.

And in his arms, I knew I was home.