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“Help me! Somebody, please! Can anyone hear me?! Mommy! Daddy! No!” I was tight up to the big, wooden chair and couldn’t move. I tried to free myself, but the ropes on my wrists were so tight that I’ve already had bruises and knew that trying to untie them will only make it worse. I tried not to cry at least for a second, but it was too hard. I was in a shady basement with only one, old light bulb on. My parents were on the other side of the room. They were tight to the chairs as well. Mother’s clothes were ragged and father didn’t have a shirt on. They both had a lot of scratches and sapless blood on their bodies.

“Mommy! Daddy, please wake up!” I was crying out loud, but knew it won’t help.

There was blood all over the place. Smell of it made me sick, but I was pretty sure that if I vomit, it wouldn’t actually do any good. *Think, Kathleen! Think!* I thought and just then heard footsteps. They were coming from one floor above. *oh, no! oh, no!*- another thought rushed through my head. I knew what was just about to happen.

The man who kidnapped me and my family was now coming down the stairs, holding something shiny in his hand. I didn’t need to think twice to know what it was. I closed my eyes, hoping that he’d leave me alone, and to my relieve, he did. But I wasn’ happy about that for too long. When I repealed my eyes I saw that he was kneeling in front of my mother. I wanted to scream but couldn’t get the voice out of my throat. It was too damn scary for me and I’ve already had enough.

“Wake up, beauty. Wake up.” He said touching her legs. His voice was so disgusting, as the rest of him. “Come on now, it’s time for the big finale.” He repeated and slapped her face. Icould see she was now opening her eyes. “Finally.”

“What? Where.. no! let me go! Leave me alone!” I could barely hear her voice. She started to struggle, but was too weak to reach something with it, so he just laughed at her. He untied her from the chair and put her on his shoulder.

“Now, we’re going to have some fun.”

“Just don’t hurt my baby, please…” she begged for my life. Now that she said it he stopped and slowly turned to look at me. He came to me and leaned over to whisper something into my ear. It gave me chills, I could feel my heart beat one thousand times faster than usually.

“And when I’m done with her, I’ll make sure, your father doesn’t feel like we forgot about him. And then I’ll come for you. I don’t want you to fee like you were underestimated” he whispered and all I could do was to pucker your eyes even harder. Then I felt a kiss on the cheek and when I opened your eyes again, he was already gone with my mother.

I could hear her screaming, was pretty sure what he was doing to her, but still was hoping, that this whole thing was just a dream. A terrible nightmare that will disappear with the sound of my alarm. Unfortunately, time was passing and I couldn’t hear this God dam alarm clock. All I knew was that with each second, I was closer to death.

“No, no, no! Let me go! Leave her alone! Please! Mommy!” I was scrambling on my bed and screaming very loud. “No, please!”

“Kathleen? What is going on? Kathleen, open your eyes! It’s me! It’s ok, you’re safe.” I heard males voice, coming from above my head. I opened my eyes and saw this nice, older man with a few grey strips on his dark hair.

“David, um.. what is going on? How did you get here?” I asked nervously looking around and brushing my hair with a hand.

“I heard you screaming, but to be honest who didn’t. I came to see if everything is alright with you.” He explained sitting on a side of my bed and putting his hand to my forehead.

“You heard me screaming in your office?” I still wasn’t sure what was going on.

“No. Kitchen. Bad dreams again?” he seemed to be really concerned.

“Memories. I think.” I sat and took a few deep breaths.

“You know, Kathleen, I believe that meeting with a psychologist wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

“No way. No psychologist. It’s enough for me that my guardian can profile me in less then five minutes. Anyway, what are you ding home so early? I thought you..live there?” YouI managed to smile. He did too.

“When you change your mind, just let me know. And that’s Hotch, who lives there, not me. Now, do you need anything?”

“No, I’m fine. In the matter of fact, I have to get going I am supposed to meet with Jackson in half an hour.” I sighed.

“Jackson, your friend?” he made sure.

“Yes. You know, I still feel a little weird, that I’m 24 and still tell you where I’m going, who I’m going with…”

“You know that you don’t have to. I just feel better when…”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I’m just confused, as usual, I guess. Anyway, I should get going.” I looked at him like I wanted to say you can go now, I’m fine. And even though I didn’t use those words, he did understand the message. He nodded and left my room closing the door behind.

I fell back on my pillow again and started at the ceiling.

Memories of those terrible moments haunted me ever since it happened. Lately, such things happened even more often. I turned my head to look at the photo on my nightstand. It was a picture of people, that loved me with their whole hearts. People, who in a way, gave their lives, to save mine. It was a picture of my former guardians- Melinda and Thomas Langdon.

I was only 24, but been through things, most people can’t even imagine. My biological parents gave my up when I was just 2 years old. I didn’t even remember them. I got to one of many orphanages in the city and was growing up as shy and a little closed inside child. Other kids used to call me weird, because I preferred to play by myself and was hiding behind books and toys when anyone tried to get closer to me. There was only this one boy, who felt the same way. His name was Jackson and was sent there by court’s decision. His mother was alcoholic, father dead, and everyone thought that orphanage would be better for him. When he got there he caught my attention immediately. He didn’t want to socialize with anyone but me. And that’s how I got my best friend.

Melinda and Thomas took me home when you were 12. They were pretty sure, they could raise me and didn’t mind it that I was so shy. With time they’ve learned how to talk to me and made me feel safe. I knew they loved me and I loved them back even though, I didn’t always show it. I had my own little piece of heaven, they said that they could adopt Jackson, so we could still be close, but then my paradise turned into hell within just one night. My parents and I got kidnapped by a cruel psychopath. He kept us in his basement tied up to a chair, raped my mother, killed father and would do the same thing to me if not the help from the police, FBI and SWAT. Later it turned out that he’s killed about 20 people and they were after him for a long time.

It was devastating blow for me, to loose only people that truly cared about me. Just then He appeared. Like my own knight. Even though I didn’t know this man, deep down I knew, that I could trust him. His name was David Rossi and he was one of the FBI agents. He adopted me and after a few days decided to retire to go for a book tour around the country. I travelled with him, sending postcards to Jackson from every single place I’ve been to. Rossi made me feel loved and safe again. He created a home, that I needed so much.

I heard my cell ringing and started searching for it under the pillow. I answered without even checking who was calling.

“Yes?”

“Kathleen, hey girl. I wanted to make sure that we’re still up for tonight?” I recognized the voice immediately.

“Sure, in the matter of fact I’m almost ready.” I said while yawning. He laughed quietly.

“Yeah, that means you’re still either buried somewhere in your bedding or reading a book. I guess that I’m right with the first option, because if it was the second, you wouldn’t even answer the phone.”

“How come you know me so well?” I asked, but didn’t really need an answer.

“What can I say, you’re my girl.”

“Always.” I replied, hung up and crawled deeper into the bed. I decided to spend a few more minutes in bed and then get ready for meeting with my future husband to be.

***

„Taxi!” I waved my hand in front of a yellow car. As soon as I got inside the rain started pouring. You I was crossing the town, smiling, considering myself lucky- because you overtaken the rain. My cell started ringing.

“Shit!” I cursed under nose while checking the ID.

“Jackson, hi! I know I’m late, but this time it’s not my fault. It’s traffic jam and i...” he didn’t let you finish.

“oh, good to know. It’s not like I’m trying to call you for last half an hour, not knowing what is going on with you. Seriously, I started to think that someone kidnapped you and I wanted to call Dave!” he laughed a little, but I didn’t. his words gave me unpleasant chills. When I didn’t respond for a few moments, he realized, what he said wrong. “Oh, girl, I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean to…”

“I’ll be there as soon as possible.” And I ended up the call.

“It may take us a while to get there, lady. It would be faster if you get out and walked.” The driver turned his face to me.

“I don’t mind waiting.” I replied and looked outside the window.

Rain was now pouring even harder. People were hiding under their umbrellas and walking really fast, to get away from cold air. It’s just like that night, just like that night. It’s just like that night, just like that night. – I thought and a few seconds later I was daydreaming.

I was sleeping in my cozy bed. There was a small lamp on the other side of the premises, because even though I was now 14, I still didn’t like to be all alone in the dark. But in the matter of fact, who likes it? I heard a slam coming from downstairs and it woke me up. Looked around the room very slowly and carefully, but didn’t notice anything unusual.

Another slam. Only this one was even louder. I took a deep breath, run to turn off the light and decided to hide under my bed. I was pretty sure, that if there was nothing to be afraid of, mom would come to tell me. She’d knew, that I was under the bed- it was my usual hiding place when we played hide and seek.

Minutes passed, but nothing really happened. I was slowly falling back a sleep, when suddenly the door opened. I saw black shoes crossing my room and they definitely didn’t belong to my mother. *Maybe they’re dad’s!*- I thought, but lost all the hope, when I saw that there was a path made of small, dark drops, behind whoever was now in the room. I didn’t have to be very smart, to know what that was- blood.

“Madam! Madam, we’re at the place!” the driver made me come back down to earth.

“Oh, I’m sorry.. I didn’t hear you.” I answered and pulled out the wallet.

“For a moment I was afraid that I’d have to take you to the hospital.” He smiled a little.

“Thank God, you don’t have to do this. Keep the change.” The man just nodded and I left his car, slowly closing the door behind.

My telephone rang again, only this time I didn’t even answer. youI got to the restaurant and found Jackson. He was waiting for me and started to get nervous.

“Finally.” He said, when I sat in front of him.

“I can’t control the traffic.” I replied and took a sip of a wine, he ordered for me.

“You could’ve at least call me.”

“You did it.”

“Yes, but after a long time of waiting. I really thought that something bad happened to you.”

“That someone kidnapped me, right?” I looked at him with an angry face.

“Kathleen, I didn’t mean to.. I was just.. I’m sorry, ok?”

“Ok.”

He was really surprised with my answer.

“That’s it? Just ok? No ‘go to hell with your apology’ or something like that? Nothing usual?”

“I didn’t come here to fight, Jackson. I came to talk.” I took another sip and looked around. People were smiling at each other, holding hands, eating, spending romantic time together. Why couldn’t we?

Jackson was just a friend. One and only, that I met in orphanage. When we were little, we promised each other, that someday, if we won’t find anyone, who would be right for us, we’d get married and live happily ever after, eventually falling in love. I forgot about this a long time ago, but he didn’t. he reminded me about it about three weeks ago when we both went out of Town for weekend.

Because of what happened to me and my family, it was hard for me to trust people and I was pretty sure, I wouldn’t find anyone, who could be with me. To be honest, I’ve had only one serious relationship, when I were in high school, but because we were moving with Dave so often, I couldn’t make it last.

Jackson was an amazing friend and I felt safe around him. I considered him only as a friend, but when I actually thought about it, I was pretty sure, that he was the best man a girl could find, and I was lucky to have him. of course I wanted love and passion, but for now it was quite enough. I were hoping that eventually we’ll feel something more and our relationship could be real.

“If you wanted to talk, then tell me, did you make up your mind already?” he asked and made me look at him again.

“About what?”

“Telling David, and others.”

He was hoping I’d say ‘yes’.

“I.. don’t know Jack. I’m sorry, but it’s just.. it’s not a thing that you announce everyday.” I tried to defend myself.

“Yes, such thing you should announce once in your lifetime.” He took my hand, that was placed on the table.

“Kathleen, I’m sure about this. I know that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I want to do this. Only thing I’m not sure right now is do you feel the same way?”

I took a closer look at him. his eyes were green and deep, hair black, and he was so handsome. There was a small smile on his lips right now. He was smiling at me, so I did the same.

“I am sure, Jackson. It’s just that, they’re all I’ve got. They are my family and I want to make this whole thing right. For them.”

“We will make it right. But first, we need to let them know.”

I took a deep breath and considered my options. But, did you actually have any? I could tell him, that I didn’t want to do this. He would understand, but what would I do, if you really didn’t find anyone? I was pretty sure, I needed someone by my side. On the other hand, what if I did meet someone? What if I was married, by the time I meet that man, what would I do then?

“Let’s do it.” I said quietly, after a while. His face was now glowing of happiness. He kissed my hand and squeezed it a little tighter.

“First thing in the morning!” he said almost jumping on the chair.

“Jackson.. how do you imagine this whole thing?” I asked to calm him down.

“What thing?”

“Our marriage.”

There was a pause.

“We’ll be happy. Move in together. I’ll find a better job, you can still work in this bookstore, if you want. we’ll have kids, raise them and grow old together.”

He already had it all planned. I was shocked about it, because I didn’t think it was that serious. Kids? Growing old together? That were of course parts of marriage, but I didn’t want to think about them now, he did.

I liked it, that with this man, I knew that nothing could harm me, but still, I needed something out of ordinary. Something new and a little bit unpredictable.

“Why you don’t say anything?” he asked rally concerned.

“I was just trying to imagine it.”

“Trying?”

“You know, it’s a lot of time to spend together.”

“Whole life, to be precise.”

“Indeed.”

“Look, Kat, if you don’t want to do this.. just tell me. I don’t want to force you to do anything.

“I do, Jackson. I want to.” I assured him once again, but deep inside, I still didn’t feel like I was making the right choice.

***

I woke up in my bed at 9 a.m.

“Oh, no! not again!” I said to myself jumping out of bed, but just then I realized, that it was your my day off. To be honest, it was the big day. The day, when I tell my friends in BAU- which I considered as a family – that I was getting married. I took a shower and checked my phone.

I got myself together, as soon as possible, and got to my car. Drove straight to David’s work, to tell them the news. I wanted to make it as soon and as harmless as possible.

“Hi, Emily!” I said when got inside and saw dark haired agent.

“Kathleen, it’s so good to see you!” she said and gave me a quick hug. “How are you? Looking for Dave? He’s with Hotch.”

“Yes, but today I’m looking for all of you guys.”

I decided not to call everyone together. I’d get too stressed, to say this.

“Is everything alright?” she asked.

“Yes, sure. Can you, get JJ and meet me at Garcia’s?” she nodded and went straight to get her friend.

“Hi, Penelope.” I smiled at her as I walked in.

“And hello to you to, friend. What brings you to my cyber kingdom?” she smiled back.

“Oh, I just have a small announcement.”

“Am I gonna be an aunt?” she clapped her hand really excited and just then the door opened.

“Are you pregnant?!” JJ and Emily said at the same time.

“Shhh! Close the door!” I ordered and stepped back, to give them some space. “I am not pregnant. At least not yet… to be pregnant, you have to have a man.. and what I wanted to say is that.. I’mgettingmarried!” I said it so fast that they were not sure if they heard correctly.

“Married?” Prentiss asked and I just nodded with my eyes closed. Just a few seconds later, they were all hugging.

“That’s a wonderful news! Who’s the lucky man?” JJ asked as soon, as they let me go.

“It’s Jackson. My friend. I’m sure you’ve already met him, by now.”

“I’m pretty sure we did, that dark haired one?” Penelope asked.

“Yes. One and the same.”

“But wait, when did this happen, how?” JJ had more questions than I thought.

“That’s a longer story. I was thinking, that maybe, you’d go out with me this evening. For a drink, we’d talk then. Right now I have to find guys and Dave, to tell them and I’m pretty sure I am going to need this drink, after he finds out.”

“Yes, he feels like a father and you’re his little girl, he’s going to freak out.” Emily assured me.

“Yeah, thanks for telling me this. I feel much better now.” I shook your head and left them alone to let them gossip.

“Isn’t that my favorite girl of all times?” I recognized Derek’s voice from behind my back.

“And isn’t it the sexiest man in the planet?” I smiled and turned to hug him.

“Oh stop it, or you’ll make me blush.” He said kissing my check.

“That’s my goal.” I stepped back.

“What brings you down here, pretty?”

“I wanted to tell you something.” I lowered my voice.

“Is it a secret?” he did the same thing and tried not to laugh.

“No, because I already told girls about it, so it doesn’t match with the definition.”

“How is it possible, that they know and I don’t?” he made a sad look.

“Tell me is Dave still with Hotch and I’ll tell you what it is.” You teased.

“He is. Now tell.”

“Come on.” I grabbed his hand and headed to Aaron’s office.

“Come in.” I heard his voice when I knocked on the door.

“May I interrupt?”

“Kathleen, of course.” The boss moved a hand in my direction and I shook it.

“I wanted to announce something.” I started and looked at Rossi, who’s face was now really pale.

“Am I going to be a grandfather?” he asked seriously.

“Why is it everyone think I am pregnant?” I said and shook my head.

“Everyone?” Aaron asked.

“Prentiss, Garcia and JJ already know.” Derek interrupted.

“So I see it must be something serious.” Rossi sat on the desk and didn’t take his eyes off me.

“Wait, where’s Spencer?” I asked looking around. “I didn’t see him anywhere and I wanted him to hear it too.”

“He’s not here yet, baby girl.”

“Ok, in that case…” I took another breath. “I am getting married.” I said it without any emotions. Just like it was a formula, I was saying everyday. To my surprise, they didn’t say a thing.

“It’s time for you to say something.” I said quietly looking at Derek, Aaron and stopped my eyes on Rossi.

“Well, what can i..” he started but got interrupted with Reid who rushed through the door.

“I’m sorry I am late!” he said but when he noticed all of us he looked really confused.

“Did you hear the news yet, kid?” Morgan started.

“Don’t!” I hissed and didn’t even know why.

“News? What news?” Spencer asked looking at both of us.

“Kathleen, here, is getting married.” He said and stepped back, so I could see Reid’s face. For the first time, I was pretty sure, he didn’t know what to say. Any other time I’d enjoy this moment, but this time, I just felt It wasn’t right.

“Um.. well.. that’s um… great?” he said and all I could do was to bow my head, not even fully understand why.

***

Days were passing and we were getting closer to the ceremony. Dave and the team were running a local case, so at east I had them close, In case I needed any help.

„Did you also had so many doubts?” I asked placinh Henry on my kenes and looping at JJ, who was now thinking about an answer.

„I did, but it wasn’t caused with the fact that I didn’t knowi f I love him or not.” She replied.

„I don’t know what to do. One moment I’m sure about this whole thing and the next.. I feel like there’s something wrong.” I sighed, but manager to smile as Henry placed his little hands on my face.

„You’re aweare of the fact, that you don’t actually love him, aren’t you?” she asked and I had no idea what to say. I looked all confused.

„What do you mean?” I said aftera a lonegr while.

„I mean that you shouldn’t do something, just because you think this MIGHT be right. Marrige is a.. it’s one of those steps in life, that you should be sure to take."

I knew taht she was right, but what was I supposed to do now? Wedding was supposed to take place in less than a week, I had a meeting in a shop to buy a dress in about two hours, guests were invited, (ok, we didn't invite so many of them, just about twenty people, but still.) beside, what would Dave think? And most important, I didn't want to hurt Jackson's feelings.

"I'm sure, that I'm doing the right thing JJ. Jackson's the best thing that ever happened to me and I believe that i should consider myself lucky to have him." I lied looking at her son, so I could avoid eye contact. JJ wanted to say something, but got interrupted by my phone ringing. I checked the ID before answering.

"How can I help you Spencer?" I asked and felt my heart beating a little bit faster.

"Kathleen hi, I, um.. lost my "Illustrated man".. You think you can find one in your shop?" he asked trying to reamin a calm voice, which caused me a smile. I noticed JJ's suspicious look.

"Sure, Tell me where you are so I can pick you up and we'll get it together." I suggested.

"You sure? Because I know, that you have a lot of work with the wedding and it.. it can wait if you.." he started to explainhimself, but I didn't let him say another word.

"Are you in the bureau? I can be there in ten." i said with a voice that sounded like I wanted to say i will not take no as an answer.

"No. I am at home." he said after a while.

"Oke, I'll be right there." I said and just then I realized, that I had no idea, where it was. We've known each other for a while now and I still wasn't at his place. To be honest I doubted if any of his team mates ever been there. "So.. where is it?"

he explained me the adress and I realized, that in the matter of fact I'd be passing the book store on my way to him, so I decided to get it then and just drive to deliver it to him later.

"I have to get going." I told JJ as soon as I hang up.

"Your love's calling you to see him?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes." I replied without a second thought.

"Oh really? And I thought it was Spencer who was calling you..." she laughed. I felt a little confused and as soon as i realized what was she suggesting I could feel my cheeks turning red.

"No, I mean. It was.. Spencer, who was calling me. Not.. not Jackson. I have to go.. I.. oh, take care JJ." I gave her a quick hug and ran out, before I could make this whole situation even worse.

***

I collected the book from the store and was now on my way to Spencer. My phone was ringing all the time, but I never used to answer it as driving so I used a moment when lights turned red, to see, who wanted to talk with me so badly.

"Jackson." I red the ID and even though I knew I had about a minute, before the light turns green, I didn't want to answer. I just hid it in my bag and to my surprise I didn't even feel bad about the situation.

As I was getting closer to Spencer's place I could feel that I was getting a little bit more nervous with each second. I had no idea, what was the cause of this thing, but just then I thought about JJ's suggestion. What IF this COULD be true? What if she could be at least a little bit right? I always considered Spencer as a handsome man and I really enjoyed his company, but love? Feeling something more than just friendship? It never even crossed my mind. Not once. But, giving it a second thought I was way calmer and relaxed when I actually thought about it, then when I thaught about relationship between me and Jackson. so could it be true? at least in a way?

I stopped my car on his driveway, took a book and slowly got out. He lived in a block of flats, neighbourhood seemed really friendly, there were children playing on the streets, people talking to each other. Really nice place. I started to wonder where was Spencer's place in this whole scene. I got inside, went upstairs and koncek on his door.

"Who is it?" I heard his voice quite far from the door.

"It's me." I said and just a second later i thought that he could also be expecting someone else, so I decided to add my name. "It's Kathleen."

I heard the key moving in the locker and a moment later he was standing in fron of me. I didn't know whether he was going to ask me in, or just take a book and slam the door in front of my face, so I decided to wait for his move. "Hi." i just said waiting for him to react.

"Would you.. um, like to come in?" he asked and so I smiled and did it. He had a cosy place, at least it seemed so. I took my shoes off and got to small living room and sat down on a couch.

"You have a nice place." I said.

"Yes, thank you." he said sitting by my side. "Did you bring me the book?" he asked.

"Oh, yes. I have it right... here." I said looking through my bag. "Got it!" i said cheerfuly and handed it to him.

"Thank you. I have no idea what happened to my last one." he said carefuly placing a it on the table.

*** We had a great time, talking about random things, drinking tea. I didn't even know, that time could be passing so fast. He left to the bathroom so I used the moment to check on the phone. Jackson was still calling me. 'Can't talk right now, I'll txt you later.' - I wrote to him, wondering if I should consider it as a first lie in our soon to be marrige. I could answer the phone, I was sure, that Spencer wouldn't mind. The thing was, that I simply did not want to do this.

"You have a lot of books in here." I said standing up and walking to a big shelve filled with book. "But to be honest, I thought you'd have even more." I finished the sentence reading all those titles.

"I do. In the other room." I heard his voice so close to me, that I had to see where he was. I slowly turned around and it turned out that he was right behind me. I didn't even had to raise my hand too high to touch him.We were both remaining silent and just loking at each other without a single word. Our breaths were the only things destroying the silence. Just then I felt something, I felt this thing rushing through my body and I couldn't do anything about it. Next thing I knew was that my eyes were closed and my lips were crushing Spencer's. He didn't try ti fight it and I could tell, that he felt the same thing. He placed his hand on my waist pulling me closer to him and I placed my hand sin his hair. I didn't even know that he could kiss like that. It was filled with passion adn the thing that this kiss was in the matter of fact forbidden was even more excting. I felt like the whole world stopped that moment. Like we did something to get rid of every single thing that was surrounding us a few minutes ago and we built our own invisible shield, who was now protecting this remarkable vibes from slipping away. I moaned in between catching breaths and he squeezed my body even tighter. as though he didn't want to let me go. I placed my hand on ashelf and threw some books of it by accident. Normally he'd probably leave me alone and start picking them up, but not this time. I could feel the pressure rising. Spencer's phone rang, but we didn't car. We didn't care untill his voice mail turned on.

"It's Spencer. Leave a message." I heard. "Hey, Spence, It's JJ. Is Kathleen still with you? Jackson's called me twice already, he's starting to get worried about her.. just let me know. Bye."

that message ruined everything. Or maybe not even ruined, but simply made us go back to reality. he stepped away from me and looked me deep in the eyes. We were both very surprised with this whole situation. I was waiting for him to say something smart, to justify our behaviour but he kept on looking at me without a word.

"I need to go." I said as soon as I realized, that this wasn't going anywhere. I thought that maybe he would catch me, stop me, sayi something, literally do simply anything, but he didn't. He just stood there, letting me pass him on my way out.

***

Few days passed since that thing between me and Spencer. I haven't heard from him from that moment. I guess we both just didn't know what to do. But even though we did not talk and I didn't tell anyone about it, I couldn't stop thinking and wondering what would have happened If we hadn't stopped right there. Would it change anything?

"You look beautiful." Prentiss said handing me a corsage.

"Thank you." I faked a smile and smell the flowers. I was now staring at my reflection in the mirror, wearing my weadding dress, with my hair fixed so beautiful. I had no doubts, that if something could've change, it would a while ago. If Spencer cared for me, he would be here now telling me not to marry Jackson. He wasn't. He wasn't here and he didn't even make a call. I went to the door to take a look on the church. It was beautiful. White flowers everywhere, my whole 'family' dressed in beautiful clothes. There was just one person missing. One, that I could say, was most important.

"May I speak with the bride?" I heard Dave's voice coming from the door.

"Come in." I said as I turned to see Prentiss walking out, to let David in.

"You look beautiful, indeed." he said giving me a hug. I just smiled at him and sat down on the chair. He did the same.

"My baby girl is getting married. You know, I've been divorced so many times, that I would never suspect this thing to happen to me." he laughed and I could feel he's being serious.

"I'm still going to be your little kid." I tried to comfort him.

"I know, it's just, that it won't be the same." he sighed and i decided not to say anything. "I just want you to know, that I am proud of you. You've been through so many terrible things, but still, you managed to open your heart for someone. That is wonderful." he said and I could feel tears coming to my eyes. He was right. He was totally right, but I felt awful with the fact, that when he said 'someone' he ment Jackson, and when I thought about this 'someone' I ment Spencer. "I just want you to know, that... we still have time and if you want to... change your mind about anything. Anythinh at all, you can do it." he placed his hand on mine and squeezed it.

Maybe he did know...? maybe that's what he ment? I opened my mouth to ask about it, but just then the door opened.

"I am sorry to interrupt, but I have to tell you something." Derek said walking in. "Damn, girl! You look so beautiful, that if you weren't engaged I could actually marry you." he said taking a look at me.

"You can always steal me." I joked and we all laughed. "So this is what you wanted to tell?" I asked after a second.

"Oh, no. The thing is that... Spencer.. He won't be able to come."

"What? Why?" David asked before I could even say a word.

"He just had an accident, was hit by a car and is now in hospital with a broken leg and x-rays to do." he said and left, before we could ask questions.

"I.. um.. it's good that he's ok, besaide the leg." I said and started to wonder, that maybe he would be here, trying to convince me to marry him. Maybe he would, but simply couldn't?

"We still can change everything." Dave said, beofre dissapearing behind big, wodden door. And so I was left all alone, to keep on wondering.

***

"We can start." Priest said, walking in, to let me know, that i should be going. I nodded, took a few deep breaths and got out. Everyone stood up, David took my hand and was now walking me to my groom. Everyone was smiling at me, but I couldn't even fake a smile.I was just looking ahead, wanting this nightmare to be over with.

"We've gathered here..." priest started as soon as I found myself next to JAckson. "If anyone here, knows a reason, why these two shouldn't be married, let him speak now, or remain silence forever." he said the phrase and I was hoping that somebody would say a word. Unfortuntely nothing like that happened, but I could hear David clearing his throat. Was it a sign?

"Well, then..." Priest wanted to go on, but I felt that I couldn't do this any longer.

"I know the reason.." I said quietly.

"Excuse me?" Jakcosn looked at me with a surprised face.

"I'm sorry, I can't do it." I looked at him and felt a single tear running dow my face. "I tried to convince myself that I can, but.. I.. it won't work. I couldn't lie to you and myself for a few weeks, so I know, I won't be able to pretend like everything is alright, till the rest of our lives. I love you Jackson, with all my heart and soul, but not the way you want me to. I'm sorry." I said and picked up my dress from the floor, then turned around and walked to David.

"Thank you." I whispered and gave him a quick hug, just then I run out of the church. Weather started to change and I could hearthe first thunder above my head. few seconds later rain started to fall dow.

"Taxi!" I yelled waving my hand. "Take me to the hospital." I ordered closing the door behind me.

"As far as I know, weddings are given in the church." the mand joked getting on the road.

"I'm starting a revolution." I replied with a smile and for the first time in a longer while I felt truly happy.

***

I was now all wet, standing in front of Spencer's block of flat. Raind was still pouring, I payed a fortune for a taxi and since I couldn't find him in any hospital, I decided to look for him at his place.

I didn't know what was he going to say, how he was going to react, but I knew that one way or another I had to at leat try. I knocked on his door and waited for a response. To my surprise I didn't hear a question, about who was that, he simply opened, but when he saw me, I could tell, tha he wasn't expecting such a view.

"Kathleen? What.. what are you.." he started but I placed a hand on his mouth.

"May I speak first?" I asked, but he refused to do as I planned.

"Where's your husband?" he asked, stepping aside, so I could walk in.

"I don't have one." I said.

"What happened?"

"The only guy I could marry didn't show up in the church, so I had to cancell the wedding."

"Jackson didn't come?" he seemed confused.

"Not Jackson. You." I said looking deep into his eyes, surprised that I could do this. "After what happened a week ago I couldn't stop thinking about you. I've had my hesitations before but that.. that opened my eyes that I've found what i was looking for, only not in the man I was supposed to marry. I thought that i would foget about it, but days passed and I simply couldn't, so i had to cancell it. The thing is that.. I..I love you Spencer." I said and waited for him to respond. "It's the time, you can say something.." I said, but still didn't hear a thing. Was it supposed to end just like before? Maybe for him it was just a mistake and I made a fool of myself? I turned around to open the door and leave, but he caught my hand and turned me back to face him. He didn't say anything. He just kissed me. He did it with so much passion and emotions, that I had no doubts he felt the same way.

"You're all so wet, come, let's find you some dry clothes, you might get a cold from it." he whispered and i could feel his breath on my neck.

I knew I found what i was looking for. I knew it this time for sure. I did not hesitate. The only thing I could regret now, was that I realized about it so late, when I had him right in front of me for so long. But what can I say? It seems that sometimes we have to make a fatal mistake, to find an answer that was always lyign right in front of our eyes.