So Bitter Sweet

2 Weeks Later

No one will fucking talk to me, they either ignore me or tolerate me. Matt shoves me around if I'm even close to being in his way. And I deserve it, I would be doing the same thing if I heard one of the girls I've come to love cry herself to sleep every night over my douche bag best friend. You can hear her through the walls and I'm almost certain she thinks we can't, it's an awful sound that makes everyone want to join her and it happens every night and random times during the day. She went from the girl that looked like tears never dared well up in her eyes to one that couldn't make them stay away and it's killing me.

I haven't set eyes on Mya since the day she walked into that room and saw me with the girl I'm now calling 'The Mistake'. I don't know how but she's managed to stay locked in that back room for two weeks. I guess she waits until everyone is asleep to go to the bathroom and I've noticed a few Vitamin Waters still go missing. I stay up and watch the door from my bunk but somehow I aways miss her. On the nights Matt stays up to watch the door I have to pretend to be asleep but I listen to him trying to talk to her through it, practically begging her to talk to him but she never answers. She doesn't answer anyone. I miss her, I miss her so damn much, I wish she would just talk to me, let me apologize, let me tell her that I loved her and that we can't let this come between us, we can't let this stop what could be something great. Vinny conveniently came back the second day of Mya's solitude, very confused but Jack readily explained. He didn't know Mya so he wasn't necessarily mad at me, he even talked to me for awhile but after starting to be shunned he sadly kept his distance.

We said we would never let a girl come between us but Mya wasn't anticipated when we made that rule. So now all I do is get drunk off my ass and wollow in self pity, we have to fake our comrodery on for shows but once we get back stage it's all mumbled greetings and averted eyes. They can't do this to me forever, can they?

Mya's P.O.V

I wiped the new tears off of my face and stood up to get one of the Vitamin Waters I brought in here last night. I twisted off the cap and took a sip, sitting on the couch with my legs crossed, just staring at the blank television screen. That's the third time I've cried today and to be honest I'm fucking sick of it. I don't ever cry, I never have been a crier but now I just can't stop myself. It's like I'm trying to get rid of every feeling I've ever had for Alex through my tears and it's not working. I hope he's suffering just as much as I am, I hope he's lonely and hurt. I hope he feels like just dying because it hurts so much. Just like I do.

I let him into my heart like you would let someone into your home, he stayed there and left so many happy memories in his tracks and then decided to take a bat to the windows. Sucks right? I let a chuckle escape at my thoughts.

"It really does suck." I whispered to myself.

I feel like I could die but I'll settle for getting the hell out of here as soon as I can...I can't face him. Not after what happened, he humiliated me, he made me believe in love and then ripped it all away leaving me a mess. I know hiding in here isn't the mature way to handle things but I've never been mature and I have every right to act like a child. I only feel guilty for separating myself from Matt and the guys, they don't deserve the cold shoulder. Matt, I can't talk to him I just can't. What Alex did just brought back the memories of what Matt did, the pain is the same and I don't want to take that out on Matt because Alex fucked up, that's not fair to him.

As for the rest of the guys, they took me under their wing, acting as the brothers my parents were too busy to have. I want to laugh with them again but like I said, I can't face Alex. I don't know what I'll do when I see him. I'm scared that I'll look into his eyes and want to forgive him, I can't forgive him. I worked out the strike system to stop myself from unnecessary pain. It was supposed to be one strike, then I started to like him and one turned to two and two turned to three, I'm not letting three turn to for, my heart can't take it...