So Bitter Sweet

Movies became a tradition every night with Mya and I, ever since that day after we almost split our sides laughing. We never spoke of how it became routine, it just happened and I wasn't complaining. So for the past few weeks every night Mya and I settle down on the small couch and watch at least two movies, sometimes we watch the movies and sometimes we just talk, allowing them to play with no audience. Right now we're watching a movie, comedy, Mya's favorite. We watch all types of movies, well all types except horror, thriller, or anything remotely frightening. Mya is a tough girl but pop in a scary movie and she's reduced to tears and piercing screams. That was three days ago and I couldn't do anything about it, Matt ran out, took one look at the screen and started to comfort her. I felt a pang of jealousy towards Matt as he held her, quieting her screams. 'Why couldn't I comfort her?' was all I could think.

Matt has been acting coldly towards me ever since that day he talked to me about Mya, he only talks to me when necessary and he's just exerting this undeniable annoyance with my presence, like I'm bothering him by existing. But that night when he was whispering to her, trying to stop her tears, the cold expression his face had been holding melted away. He really cared about her. Later he explained to me that she's been that way since they met, something about her childhood causes her to do it that she won't tell anyone, not even him. When everyone that was awoken by her tantrum went back to their beds I tried to ask her about it but she said very simply, 'Uh uh, we are not talking about this.', and went to bed. I decided not to pry, telling myself that she'd open up when she was ready.

I still haven't told her how I feel and that feeling, it's only grown stronger within these few weeks. I just don't know how to tell her, after that first day, when I freaked out and backed down, I haven't been able to regain that bravery I was feeling. Now I felt weak with one look from her penetrating green eyes.

I was drawn from my thoughts when I felt a small piece of the popcorn we were eating mindlessly hit the side of my face. I looked over at Mya and she was grinning innocently.

"Why did you do that?" I asked, a smile spreading across my face.

"Do what?" She asked, feigning ignorance.

"You threw popcorn at me." I accused.

"You're very perceptive." She giggled, throwing another handful at me and pouncing on me, sending me crashing to the floor.

She was stronger than she looked, she quickly straddled my hips and continued throwing small handfuls of popcorn at me. At every attempt at sitting up I was quickly shot back down, more and more popcorn hitting my face. I couldn't see but I could hear our laughter joining together making a sweet song that I didn't want to end but I don't like my position in this little game. I just happen to like being on top. I quickly turned the tables causing a loud yelp from Mya and the bowl of popcorn to go flying behind us. As cheesy as it sounds I started to tickle her mercilessly, I mean what else could I do? Punch her? Yeah, no. She screamed in protest through her uncontrollable laughter.

"Say sorry!" I yelled in between our laughter.

"Sorry!" She screamed.

"Sorry what?" I teased, struggling to keep her down.

"Fuck you Gaskarth!" She squealed.

"That didn't sound like a sorry." I protested, my fingers continuing to dance along her sides.

"Sorry! I said I'm sorry!" She screamed.

I stopped abruptly and smiled,"I guess that works." I smiled, hovering over her.

Both of our chests moving up and down quickly, her hair was in a pretty disarray around her face and her emerald green eyes were twinkling with happiness. We didn't say anything and the silence was comfortable considering that I was on top of her and inch from those lips that I've kissed once before. Those lips that I can't stop thinking about.

"Mya."

"Hm."

"I never wanted to be just friends." I stated and then I kissed her.

I expected her to kiss back, for her lips to move with mine, for her to hold my face in her hands and tell me the same but she didn't. She didn't do anything but lay there under me, lips statue still. I lifted my head, confused. She lightly rolled me off of her and walked to the back room, slamming the door behind her.

When I realized what happened I got up and rushed back there, trying the knob only to find it locked.

"Mya, I'm sorry." I said,"Please open the door." I pleaded, but I got no response.

I sighed and leaned my forehead against the door, how do I mess everything up so easily? This is what I was afraid of. Matt poked his head out of his bunk with a curious look in his eye but it disappeared once he saw me.

"If she locks the door she just needs to think, just be happy you gave her something to think about and get some rest." Matt stated in a bored tone, glancing at the door before going back behind his curtain.

I hope he's right...

Mya's P.O.V

He kissed me, again, but this time it was different and it scared the hell out of me. Last time the kiss was filled with lust and wanting on both ends, trust me, but this time was different, the last person who kissed me like that was the one and only Matt Flyzik. This time it was sweet and filled with caring, everything a girl could want in a single kiss yet I run away and shut him out. His kiss didn't make me feel happy or bubbly or what ever the hell I'm supposed to feel, it made me feel dirty and deceitful. When he kissed me all I could think about was that I liked this guy, a lot, but I wasn't being fair to him because I couldn't give my heart to him fully because it didn't belong to me completely. A small part, but a part nonetheless is still in love with Matt but for some reason that doesn't stop my feelings for Alex. They are strong and undeniable but I can't act on them honestly without knowing that I won't be thinking about someone else when I kiss him because that's not fair to anyone. Anyone including me. I sat in the dark room that had become my sanctuary on this tour for hours and thought about what to do and I decided that if Alex wanted this to go somewhere I would let it because in the word of Johnny Depp, if you find yourself in love with two people pick the second one because you wouldn't have fallen for them if you loved the first person in the the first place, or something like that, but probably less confusing and spoken with much more eloquence. What ever the point is I wouldn't have found myself drawn to Alex if I couldn't be with anyone except Matt, right? Yeah...