Don't Tell Your Mom the Babysitter Was in My Bed

The whole ride back was completely silent. Matt didn’t even try to say one word to me, but who could blame him. If I was a big, manly, muscle man, and I slapped a woman, I would be too embarrassed to speak to her as well. I don’t even want his apology right now; I just want to get out of his fucking car and far away from him. I’ve always been one to stick up for myself; I just can’t do it right now. I just feel so helpless and weak… but don’t worry; I’ll be back up in no time. Ready to kick his ass, you just wait.

“Wacey, can I have some ice cream?” Lyric asked me as he was sitting down in the floor playing with his cars.

“Nope. Mamma Val said no ice cream after six.” I told him, popping my P and giving him a sympathetic smile.

“Otay! But you better take me for ice cream tewmawow.” He told me enthusiastically.

“Sure thing.” I agreed before I started picking some of his toys up.

“Why didn’t you just give the fucking kid some ice cream?!” Matt barked from behind me. I rolled my eyes at the sound of his voice. He was trying to get me to show some emotion towards him and I wasn’t going to. I didn’t want to even look at him, let alone speak to him.

“Val gave me strict orders not to. Just doin’ my job.” I said, calmly, avoiding looking him in the eyes.

“Well, I say he should have some ice cream.” Matt replied with a smart-ass tone.

“Well, he’s your son, too. So, get him some ice cream.” I told him, picking up a block from the floor.

“You do it. It’s what you’re getting payed for.” He ordered me, throwing his hands up.

“Yes, sir.” I said professionally, heading towards the kitchen. He sighed, following behind me. I pretended to not notice him as I pulled the ice cream out of the freezer.

“Lacey, say something to me. Anything. I didn’t mean to do that.” He told me, shaking his head. He was now standing close enough that I could smell the faint smell of alcohol and cigarettes on him. He must have chugged the alcohol.

“I know.” I told him, turning around to grab a glass bowl out of the cabinet.

“You do? Then why are you so pissed at me?” he asked me. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head and looking down. Just because I know he didn’t mean to do it doesn’t change the fact that he did it.

“Well, I don’t know, Matt.” I told him sarcastically. I rolled my eyes enough for him to see. I raised my hand up to where the bruise was sure to be forming. I immediately felt like I would cry again. I trusted Matt and look what he did to me. I then noticed Matt reaching out to touch my face, which made me flinch because I didn’t expect it.

“Lacey, don’t be afraid of me. I’ll never hit you again, I swear. I just… I don’t know what got into me…I’ve always had trouble with my anger management. I don’t even know what to do. I’m really, really, genuinely sorry. I swear to God. Just say the words, I’ll go to anger management classes. You never have to kiss me again or even hang out with me. I just really don’t want you to be afraid of me like this because I like you a lot. I respect you so much and I can’t believe that I did that. I just want you to know that I’m really sorry and I’ll never touch you again. I feel like shit.” He told me sadly before turning and walking staggering out of the room.

I had to take a deep breath, one that I’d been holding the whole time. I then let out some tears. I felt that he was genuinely sorry and I felt that I shouldn’t forgive him this quickly. But, fuck it. I’m going to. You know what they say. Your true feelings come out while you’re drunk. I made Lyric’s ice cream and I took it to him, smiling widely at him before making my way up to walk to Matt’s room. I knew that’s where he’d be because he looked tired, and like he was going to cry. Matt didn’t even move when I opened the door. He was laying there looking up at the ceiling. I could see some tears falling from the corner of his eyes. Maybe his eyes were just watering, I don’t know, but I do know that I don’t know what to say to him. I just know that he’s sorry and that he’ll never do it again. He still didn’t look at me when I climbed up on the bed. I moved so that I was laying at his side and I wrapped my arm around his large waist… I saw some more tears fall from his eyes but he didn’t touch me or look at me.

“Matthew.” I whispered, reaching up and wiping some of his tears away. He still didn’t respond to me. I gently took his hand in mine and I kissed his cheek.

“Don’t say my name like that. Like you don’t hate me. I’m a monster. You shouldn’t touch me, I’ll hurt you.” He said, sounding sadder then I’ve heard him sound in my life (from how long I’ve known him)…

“Matt, I know you’re sorry. I’m sorry that I was being such a bitch. It’s not all your fault, I mean I’d hit me too.”

“No, Lacey. No man should ever, EVER hit a woman. There is no excuse for what I did to you. I’d kick my ass if I were another man and I found out that I hit you. Don’t you make excuses for me.” He commanded me, finally looking into my eyes.

“Fine, you’re right. There is no fucking excuse and it was a shitty thing for you to do. But yeah, it happened. You apologized, I knew you meant it and now I’m ready to forgive you. So, just shut your fucking mouth… wait, just kiss me.” I told him, pressing my lips to his. He immediately kissed me back, but still, I wasn’t really sure of anything right now.

“Daddy, why Wacey in your and Mommy’s bed. Where Mommy?” I heard a sweet voice from behind us. I immediately pulled away from Matt and looked down at the adorable little boy.