Heartbreak Warfare

I knew I had crossed the line. I knew as I was writing the song that I was crossing the line. I knew every time I sang the song at a concert I was just crossing the line even more. Nothing could remind me how far I’d crossed the line though as the look on Annabelle’s face tonight. She was sitting front row, center with Becca at our concert. I’m sure she was sitting that close to the stage to try and piss me off but instead I’d had a surprise for her.

As soon as I began singing the lyrics Annabelle’s eyes just filled with more and more hurt. Then I had to cross the line again and make that stupid comment about her father’s money and that just made everything worse. The only other time I had seen her that mad was when we had one of our first fights and even broke up for a few days.

I walked through the door to Annabelle’s house and saw shopping bags covering the floor.

“Shopping again, Annie? Really?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong with shopping, Nick?”

“Nothing. You just do it every day it seems like.”

“Well it’s my money so I feel as if I can do what I want with it.”

“Actually it’s your father’s money, which is odd that you spend it since you claim that you ‘hate’ your father.”

“I only spend my own money. Sure, I use some of my father’s money to help me pay for college and my apartment but I feel as if I deserve something from him after what he did.”

“You couldn’t survive without money. That makes me wonder, why are you even with me? Am I just someone to make your father mad since I’m in a band?”

“You should know me better than that Nick. I would never use anyone just to get back at my father. I’m in this relationship because I like you and care for you, but if you think that I’m just using you then I guess you can leave.”

“Gladly.” I spat as I walked out the door.

After that fight we stayed broken up for about a week. Then we realized that we were like magnets and couldn’t stand to be away from each other so I bought her some flowers and apologized. We used to be inseparable and I knew everything about her. That all changed with our break-up though. I now hated her.

Maybe I’m not so upset about crossing the line.
____________________________________________________________________________



“You’re a mess A.J. I don’t think you should be driving home.” Stella said to me after the three of us exited Lou’s.

“I’m fine Stel.” I said right before I fell flat on my ass on the cold, hard pavement. “Oops. These heels are so damn hard to walk in.” I began laughing as I took my shoes off.

“A.J. you can’t drive home like that. I’ll take your car and then either Justin or I can come pick you up tomorrow, ok?” Becca said to me.

“Ok, thanks Becca. I love you!” I exclaimed as I hugged my best friend.

I was definitely an emotional drunk. Normally, meaning when I was sober, I kept my emotions in check but once I got a bit of alcohol in me my emotions came pouring out and were a bit exaggerated.

“Alright A.J. let’s get you home.” Stella said as she helped me into her car.

“You know Stella, I don’t know why I was so upset about Nick writing a song about me. It wasn’t that bad… Oh my gosh Nick wrote a fucking song bashing me.” I said as I began crying towards the end of the sentence.

“I know sweetie. It’ll be alright though.” Stella said. She was used to me being overemotional when I was drunk.

We finally got back to Stella’s house and I wasn’t tired so I stayed up while she went to bed. I decided to look up the lyrics to “my” song. I had heard the lyrics at the concert earlier tonight but I hadn’t fully comprehended all the words. I needed to look at them for that. I looked at the lyrics and realized that basically everything I had ever told Nick he used against me in the song.

Annabelle you think you’re so damn special
But there’s a million other girls just like you
30 minutes and you say we’re official
Well I have got some news for you.

The first two lines were a joke between Nick and me. I always joked about how special I was and how lucky Nick was to have me. He would always reply that there were other fish in the sea but I always said there were none like me. It was just a joke but he had turned it around to make me sound conceited.

The next two lines were in reference to when we first began dating. When he finally asked me to be his girlfriend we decided to keep it on the down low for a little while just because both of us were kind of high profile in Maryland. I was high profile thanks to who my dad was and because I liked to go out to the clubs even though I was by no means wild. Nick was high profile because the band was starting to gain attention around that time. Anyway we were supposed to keep it on the down low but I had told Becca who told Justin who told Andrew who told Halvo who called Nick and congratulated him. Nick had been a little ticked but quickly got over it, or so I thought.

I need a girl not a body with a complex
I got a heart and you got your lipstick
Fine as hell, but I think I might as well drop Annabelle.

The complex part was obviously about my “daddy issues” as Nick called them. The lipstick part was about my obsession with lipstick. I put it on like it was going out of style and Nick always joked that I loved my lipstick more than him.

The chorus came next and it made the song even worse.

You’re staying up just to dance alone
I’m dressing down ‘cause I’m tired and I wanna go home
You look the part but looks don’t tell the truth, whoa
Well baby you’re pretty but I’m pretty sure I’m over you

I loved to go out dancing but Nick hated it. We both liked to drink, not excessively but we still liked drinking. Nick’s idea of a good time though involved sitting at home drinking with his friends while I’d rather go to a club and dance and drink. I had no clue what he was talking about with the whole looking the part but looks don’t tell the truth. I don’t know what “part” I looked like but he obviously thought I was a liar.

You can’t hold a normal conversation
But you can tell your friends I ruined your life
Whatever helps your perfect reputation
‘Cause I’m not losing sleep tonight.

I can definitely hold a normal conversation. I’m majoring in business which means I have to talk to businessmen and women in suits all day long and they never make any comments bashing my communication skills.

After we broke up I cried to Becca about how brokenhearted I was and I’m sure she told Justin who probably told Nick. I was in no way trying to keep my “perfect reputation” though. I was honestly upset. Nick obviously didn’t care though since he wasn’t losing sleep.

I met a girl and she’s more than a pretty face
6 drinks and she still remembers my name
Fine as hell, but I think I might as well drop Annabelle

That’s just wonderful that Nick’s met another girl. Fan-fucking-tastic. I hope she gives him an STD. The whole 6 drinks line is a low blow. Well this whole song is a low blow but anyway.

One night we were out and I was upset about something, I can’t even remember what I was upset about now, but when I’m upset though I tend to drink more. I had a few too many drinks and when Nick took me home I had said, “You’re a nice man. I think I like you. What’s your name again?” I was emotionally unstable that night and drunk. Sorry that I forgot your name for a second, but seriously, get over it.

Turn around, turn around and walk away
I want out, I can’t take another day
Even though she moves so well, oh
But I don’t need a girl like Annabelle

Nick obviously has a problem with me just walking away. I didn’t have much choice though. If he had wanted out he could have walked away. Also, if he didn’t need a girl like me why did he stay with me for so long?

The chorus continued a couple more times and then the last lines came which I remembered from the concert.

Well baby you’re pretty, but I’m pretty sure I’m over you
Maybe she’s pretty but I don’t need a girl like Annabelle

Nick kept talking about how he was over me… almost as if he was trying to convince himself.

I shut down the computer as tears ran down my face. I thought our break-up had hurt but this was ten times worse. I was too emotionally drained to think about revenge at the moment but I would definitely come up with a plan in the morning. Nick wasn’t going to get away with this.